Mother vents her fury after discovering that her partner of 3 years secretly has THREE children

A woman has sparked a heated debate after discovering that her partner of three years secretly has three children from a past relationship.

Writing under the handle PenelopeDelph on British parenting site Mumsnet, the mother-of-one, 33, explained how her partner had kept quiet about his three sons from his previous marriage. 

She revealed that her partner, 45, had given her the impression that their six-month-old daughter was his first child.

He had also let her think he was at work (as a self-employed handyman) when he was actually spending time with his boys, aged 21, 18 and 16 – and helping his eldest do up his baby’s nursery.

The heartbroken mother explained that her partner’s behaviour has caused her to feel disregarded and excluded – even though he claims he did intend to tell her ‘soon’.

The post received a divided response on the forum, with many comments urging the woman to leave her deceitful partner.  

A woman has sparked a lengthy debate about forgiveness in relationships after revealing that her partner of three years hid having three children from a previous marriage (file image) 

The woman outlined in her post that her partner who she had discussed getting married with, had been secretly meeting his other children when she thought he was at work

The woman outlined in her post that her partner who she had discussed getting married with, had been secretly meeting his other children when she thought he was at work 

Speaking about how she uncovered his lies, the mother told how he was spotted in the city where they lived, despite having claimed to be working in a different one.

When he arrived home two hours later, he ‘blurted’ out he had three sons that he hadn’t seen for years due to conflict with his ex-wife. Since discovering his eldest was going to become a father, he’d been busy building bridges.

‘He said he didn’t want to tell me as they resented him for a while over having no contact and weren’t happy to hear he’d had a new baby with a younger woman,’ she wrote.

‘He says they are a lot closer now.’

On the day he was spotted, the mother explained how he’d been visiting his new grandchild at the maternity ward of their local hospital – while she was at home looking after their daughter.

‘I feel excluded and an absolute mug,’ she admitted, adding that she and their daughter went to stay with her mum afterwards.

The woman told how her partner let her think he was at work (as a self-employed handyman) when he was actually spending time with his boys, aged 21, 18 and 16 - and helping his eldest do up his baby's nursery (stock picture)

The woman told how her partner let her think he was at work (as a self-employed handyman) when he was actually spending time with his boys, aged 21, 18 and 16 – and helping his eldest do up his baby’s nursery (stock picture)

When she arrived home, another row ensued when she discovered her partner had packed their daughter’s baby clothes to give to his son – which she intended to give them to a friend. 

‘It’s great that he’s trying to make it up to his sons for not being part of their lives, but he should have told me, surely?’ she concluded.

‘It’s like he wants to keep them and us in two separate boxes… which infuriates me because it’s his fault, not mine and DD’s. I’m very hurt and angry by it all and I’m not sure what to do next.’ 

One Mumsnet user wrote: ‘That’s terrible – he should have told you from the outset!!! Never mind if he had no contact… And how DARE he bag up your DD’s clothes without even discussing it with you, as though you are of no account at all – yes it’s also his DD but that’s not the point – these things should be agreed upon!’

Many users felt she should end it with her partner, despite the fact they share a child together, as she would struggle to trust him again

Many users felt she should end it with her partner, despite the fact they share a child together, as she would struggle to trust him again

Another said: ‘Whoa. So even when you went through pregnancy and birth he played along like it was his first time too!

‘OP that’s awful. He’s kept the most important part of his life before you a secret. You must be reeling. I don’t think I could come back from that. He’s put you in the most unfair position and you must be questioning everything.’ 

A third added: ‘He has risked telling you because he thinks that he has “trapped” you by making you pregnant. He imagines that you will accept/put up with this.’ 

A flood of responses to the thread slammed the woman's partner for lying and argued his decision to pack up their daughter's clothes without discussion was another red flag

A flood of responses to the thread slammed the woman’s partner for lying and argued his decision to pack up their daughter’s clothes without discussion was another red flag

Other contributors to the thread urged the woman to leave her partner and argued she would never be able to trust him again.

One person said: ‘Please please don’t stay with him. I know he’s father of your child but you’re never going to be able to trust him after such a huge deception. Don’t waste your life with such a deadbeat – he’s not worth you, and all you’re going to do is spend the rest of the life worrying about whether he’s lying to you or not.

‘From someone who’s been there – run. Have contact for DD’s sake, but otherwise? Go and make a better life for yourself that doesn’t involve a pathological liar.’

Another wrote:  ‘All those lies! Lie after lie after lie, year after year. LTB, Life’s too short for this s***. You and DD will be just fine without him.’

A third added: ‘Don’t stay with him, whatever you do. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that the automatic best outcome for your DD is for this man to live with her and bring her up. 

Many commenters urged the woman to leave her partner and declared that she would never be able to trust him again

Many commenters urged the woman to leave her partner and declared that she would never be able to trust him again 

‘This isn’t understandable or forgivable. Get yourself and your child away from him. You can and should want better for both of you than a life with a pathological liar who dumped his children and duped you into starting a family with him.

‘The thing with the clothes is illumination. This tells you how his mind works. He literally has no absolutely no regard for you – what you might think, or want, or what is normal acceptable behaviour. Absolutely none. That’s him. That’s what you’ll have for the rest of your life.’  

But not everyone had such a negative view. A user speaking under the handle ‘Missingstreetlife’, told the woman that with time they could possibly build back trust. 

A number of people told the woman it's ultimately her decision what to do next but it would take a long time to rebuild trust

A number of people told the woman it’s ultimately her decision what to do next but it would take a long time to rebuild trust 

She wrote: ‘It’s the lies. Sorry OP [original poster]. Take your time, he has, just let the shock subside. I could get over the kids and accommodate their presence, but not the lies. Only you can decide. Forgive!? He’d be under manners for a long time building trust back.’

Another suggested: ‘I wouldn’t worry too much now about him not telling you when he met you that he had children he didn’t see, because he knew this was wrong and didn’t really want a conversation about it, but when you were pregnant he should have told you.’

They added: ‘Time for a big row and sort it all out. I am sorry for you and I truly know how you feel. And that this will have a knock-on effect for a long time if you decide to stay together.’

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