Aimee Green and Luna, who was still born
A bereaved mother has spoken about the guilt she feels from her baby dying during a home birth.
Aimee Green gave birth to Luna Valentina’s but soon after the umbilical cord ruptured and despite the new born baby being immediately rushed to hospital, nothing could be done to save her.
In a blog, she graphically talks about the heartbreak she has suffered her and partner Ryan Conroy lost their daughter.
‘I kept saying sorry to everyone as I didn’t know what to do to make them feel better,’ Aimee wrote.
‘They would come over and drown me in hugs and kisses but all I could say was I’m so sorry.
‘It was my fault, why did I have a home birth, why didn’t I listen to them all and have a hospital birth, why was she a happy baby for 11 hours of labour but not the last few minutes?
‘What had I done? How was I going to apologise to Ryan? What if he falls out of love with me? I can’t lose him as well? My family hate me…’
The Plymouth Herald reported how Aimee recalled the moment how a midwife named Emma entered the hospital room where they were waiting to tell them the news about Luna.
Aimee and her partner Ryan hold baby Luna when they finally got to see her in hospital
Ryan holding Luna’s tiny hand. She said her partner was a ‘broken man’ when they were told their baby had died
Aimee said the first time she was able to see Luna ‘she instantly made us smile’
Aimee said the sight of Ryan holding Luna ‘broke me in two’ but she will ‘never lose that memory of them’
‘She perched on the left side of the hospital bed with Ryan at my head and held our hands.
‘The second she held our hands our fate was revealed. She need not say those dreaded words.
‘Her eyes filled up and she said, “I’m sorry, they have tried everything they can”.
‘I felt as though I had been hit by a train, my stomach had been kicked, twisted and stamped on. I just sobbed.
‘I sobbed my heart out with such might I couldn’t breathe. My heart shattered into a billion pieces, and I sobbed inconsolably for what felt like a lifetime.
‘The whole room was in floods and my darling Ryan was a broken man.
Aimee wasn’t able to see Luna before she was taken to hospital but she recalled the first moment she saw her.
Aimee and Ryan have set up Luna’s Fund and hope to be able to provide practical and financial help to other parents in a similar situation
They also hope to be able to set up two retreats where bereaved parents can go
‘Swaddled to perfection with a little pink hat on waiting to see her mum and dad. Our beautiful little Luney bear.
‘She instantly made us smile, time stood still, I forgot where I was, who I was, what had happened and it was just the three of us how it was always meant to be.
‘It was euphoric. I just loved her, love at first sight, true love just like the films.
‘Ryan held his daughter yapping away as I crumbled. Seeing them together broke me in two. Daddy’s little girl in his big strong arms a beautiful sight for me to see.
‘I felt sad, sad to the bone, so sad I didn’t know how I would ever make him happy again. They looked amazing together. Ryan smiling at her through sad eyes, I will never lose that memory of them.’
Aimee and Ryan, who live in Saltash, Cornwall, have since set up Luna’s Fund with an initial goal of raising £10,000 to offer a range of services and financial support to other bereaved parents.
But their ultimate aim is to open two safe haven retreats one in the UK – Luna’s Lodge and the other abroad in the sun – Luna’s Legacy.
The couple are now set up a JustGiving page to raise money to set up the charity and begin helping other bereaved parents.