Rachel Boyle from Melbourne has bravely spoken about her grief after losing two babies days after they were born
A devastated mum who lost two precious babies just days after they were born has revealed how her pregnancies were progressing normally before their heartbreaking deaths.
Rachel Boyle, 29, told FEMAIL she was naïve before the death of her son Caden, who arrived at 24 weeks, and daughter Ava who was conceived six months later and born at 27 weeks.
The Melbourne mother shared the horrific ordeal of holding her two babies as they died after being taken off life support just days after birth.
‘It isn’t instant, you hold them as they slowly die in your arms, it can take hours,’ she said.
Rachel, who once dreamed of having a family with children close in age, says she is now terrified of being pregnant.
Rachel, 31, with her first-born son Kai who is now a thriving two-and-a-half year old
Rachel pictured with her son, Caden, who was born at 24 weeks and died six days later in May 2020
Rachel, pictured holding her daughter, Ava, who was born at 27 weeks and died after her kidneys failed at eight days old
The courageous mother, who has been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, says she is also concerned for other pregnant women after learning the hard way that the first 12-week ‘danger period’ can extend far beyond that time.
‘I didn’t realise how common it was (newborn death) because no-one wants to talk about it and women who haven’t gone through it don’t think it will happen to them,’ she said.
‘I know people who have lost babies at 38 weeks or after birth at 40 weeks.
‘I am even terrified my two-and-a-half year old son son will die at any time.’
Rachel and her husband, Blake, started trying for a family as soon as they were married. Rachel had a miscarriage at six weeks before falling pregnant with their son, Kai, who was born in 2019.
‘I just kind of got over the miscarriage, I was nervous with all my pregnancies until the safe 12-week mark but once that came around we announced them and just expected we would soon have a baby to take home,’ she said.
Rachel’s pregnancy with Kai was normal and he is now a happy and healthy toddler despite having to spend a lot of time without his mum who has spent extended periods in hospital.
Six months after Kai was born, the couple decided they would start trying again, understanding it could take some time because it took them a year to conceive the first time around.
Ava was crying and breathing on her own when she was born which gave her parents and doctors hope
But Rachel fell pregnant within three months and by March 2020, when she reached the 12-week mark, the couple announced they would be adding a baby boy to their family.
‘I was relieved after the 12 weeks because I thought that’s when people lost babies and I was confident because I had done this before,’ she said.
But at the 20-week scan, which happened at the beginning of the Covid lockdowns last year, there were some red flags.
‘I was told I had to go to a specialist the next day. When I saw him he was so fast, he took one look and said within two weeks my baby would be dead,’ she said.
Rachel was in shock.
She was told baby Caden was not measuring properly and that his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck three times, which meant he couldn’t grow or move properly.
But the other tests, including genetic testing, came back fine.
Rachel is now focusing all of her energy on Kai, her husband Blake and getting her mind and body healthy
Kai is pictured with a photo of his brother Caden as his parents made an announcement about Rachel’s pregnancy with Ava
Instead of having a termination, the family decided to wait and see what would happen.
A month later Caden was still alive, giving his mum and doctors hope that he might survive.
‘I was at my mum’s house, it was lockdown but I just needed to be with my family, and I felt this huge gush and assumed my waters had broken,’ Rachel said.
But when she went to the bathroom she found blood.
An ambulance was called and within hours Caden was born. Doctors had stabilised Rachel’s bleeding and were working to keep them both alive.
‘I remember scary conversations about who we would have to save at one point because neither of us were doing well,’ she said.
Caden and Ava were born within 13 months of each other but were both too small to survive
Caden underwent dozens of procedures, but on his sixth day doctors sat down with Rachel and Blake and told them their tiny baby had catastrophic brain bleeds and nothing more could be done.
The couple made the heartbreaking decision to take Caden off life support on May 13, 2020.
Australia was in lockdown when Rachel came out of hospital without a baby in her arms.
Devastated and unsure of where to go for support, the mum searched Facebook and Instagram and found other parents who had lost babies.
She joined a community of grieving parents and for the first time in her life, understood babies at any gestation and even those who are born seemingly healthy can die.
When doctors came back with Caden’s autopsy results, and genetic testing cleared Rachel and her husband of any problems which could cause infant death, they decided to conceive again.
Six months after Caden’s death, Rachel was pregnant again.
‘We were told that we had just been struck by lightning and had just been unlucky with Caden’s death,’ she said.
‘And I had recovered from his birth so doctors said we could try again, this time we got pregnant the first month.’
Rachel was terrified but optimistic, especially once she found out she was having a girl, who she called Ava, as it helped separate the two pregnancies.
‘At first I was sad because I was supposed to have two boys, brothers, but then the realisation hit that this was a fresh start and at appointments I could call her ‘she’ which helped,’ she said.
Rachel also had a huge amount of support from the hospital and had regular scans to monitor her rainbow baby’s growth.
Everything was going well until the 20-week mark, when Ava started measuring behind and Rachel was told her placenta ‘looked funny’.
‘She completely stopped growing after 21 weeks, but the difference was she didn’t have a cord around her neck so if we could get her to stay in their a little longer we had a chance,’ Rachel said.
‘I kept telling myself that babies are born at 23 weeks and still go home.’
Soon Rachel was having scans every day and before long she was admitted to hospital.
‘I was so isolated because I wasn’t allowed visitors because of lockdown – in two months I saw Kai three times which made it so much worse.’
Ava was born at 27 weeks and weighed 547g.
Rachel finally got to have a tiny baby in her arms again, but after a few days Ava started struggling and could no longer be held.
Ava died at just eight days old on June 27 after her kidneys failed, causing her organs to slowly shut down.
‘The same doctor who was with us when Caden died was the one who told us Ava wasn’t going to make it,’ Rachel said.
‘He remembered us and we remembered him. I didn’t understand what he was trying to say and made him come back three times.
Blake and Rachel always wanted children close together in age and have been left devastated after ‘lightning struck twice’ and two of their babies died
‘He tried to explain it in different ways until I understood,’ she said. Again, doctors were unable to find out why Ava had stopped growing.
After delivering Caden, Rachel said she felt instantly relieved, it was no longer up to only her to keep him alive. She had faith in the medical system and despite his tiny size and low chance of survival, she held hope that she would be able to take him home.
When Ava was born and she cried and wriggled around, Rachel said the tiny noises gave her a burst of hope.
But both times Rachel and Blake had to make the traumatic decision to take their babies off life support.
‘It is horrible and makes me feel sick just thinking about it. It is so hard because both times we had to decide and then we had to watch them slowly die,’ she said.
Rachel is still trying to process Caden’s death, making Ava’s death even harder to get through.
Two weeks ago, the grieving mum started leaking milk. She also went through the baby blues and other post-partum phases despite not having a baby at home.
Rachel has made her story public on Instagram, naming her page ‘Our rough journey’.
‘I am processing everything by writing it out, telling our story so other people know babies can and do die,’ she said.
‘My husband is super supportive with the way I am coping with my grief, he is so sad – I can see it in his eyes but he copes with it by playing Xbox and only occasionally looking at photos of our babies.’
Rachel wants people to know that not all infant loss is due to genetic problems or known health conditions.
‘I was told every step of the way, from every test that everything was normal. This happens to so many women and I want to raise awareness about that.’
The family are now focusing on healing and are unsure if they will try to have another baby in the future.
For miscarriage, stillbirth and newborn death support call Sands on 1300 308 307.