My friend told me it was fine to leave my car outside her house while we had lunch – but then I got a parking ticket. Should I ask her to pay half? Money psychotherapist VICKY REYNAL replies

Dear Vicky

My friend told me that it was fine to leave my car outside her house while we had lunch but then I got a parking ticket. I want her to pay for half of it since it’s her fault that I got fined. What do you think?

Vicky Reynal replies: I can imagine your frustration. You relied on your friend, trusting she would give you accurate information and yet, she made a mistake and now you are asked to pay for it. It is understandable that you feel angry. However, it was your responsibility to ensure you were complying with the parking rules

This isn’t just my opinion – it’s the law. Your friend made an error – maybe she was misinformed, but she was most likely trying to be helpful. It’s important to acknowledge that her intention was not a negative one.

You need to consider how ‘making her pay’ will impact the relationship and weigh up whether it’s worth it.

You might find it difficult to forgive her mistake but we need to wonder why you want to punish her for it by making her pay for something you owe.

Is there something else going on in this relationship that has made you angry or wanting her to ‘pay’ in some way? Is this really all about the ticket?

What I find myself also wondering about is why this has affected to you so much that you are determined to claim this money from your friend. Has it tapped into some past emotional scar, related to feeling a sense of injustice? Or has it unlocked feelings of betrayal? Try to figure out what about this situation has bothered you the most.

I would avoid language that is accusatory and places blame, replies VICKY REYNAL

To give you an example, I have had clients who have become livid when they get reprimanded by a manager in the workplace for a mistake that someone else has made. Yet the reason why they get on a mission to

expose who is culpable has to do with early sibling dynamics: it feels too much like ‘back then’ when their younger sibling got away with ‘murder’.

If you are still determined to approach your friend and ask her to contribute to the cost of the fine, how you do it will make a difference for the future of the relationship.

I would avoid language that is accusatory and places blame.

It is more helpful to acknowledge that while you should have taken responsibility for checking parking rules, you went with the information she gave you and unfortunately you have now been fined.

She might at that point express empathy, apologise and maybe even offer to contribute to the cost.

But if she doesn’t, you might be left feeling even angrier and she might feel quite resentful about the fact that you even made such a demand in the first place – which in her mind might feel rather unfair.

In other words, it might change how she feels about you and you might end up feeling worse about her as well. So I invite you to consider – is it really worth it?

  • Do you have a question for Vicky? Email Vicky.reynal@dailymail.co.uk

***
Read more at DailyMail.co.uk