Natalie Fornasier doesn’t know if she will live to see Christmas.
The 28-year-old writer from Sydney has spent the last four months grappling with the idea of death and says it is hard to admit she won’t be able to live the life she was supposed to.
She was diagnosed with melanoma at 20 when a mole on her toe suddenly changed shape and has been skating around the word ‘terminal’ for years.
Natalie Fornasier, pictured, says she could go into organ failure anytime, after fighting cancer for eight years
In a post on Facebook she said the word had terrified her since her first diagnosis, for one reason, it was always a very real possibility.
‘The last four months have been brutal. At the end of July, I received the news that my cancer was now terminal and had months left to live,’ she wrote.
‘I’ve cried myself hoarse about the fear of death. I’ve screamed for the children I would never have, growing old, my friends, the life I was supposed to live.’
Natalie has dedicated years to raising awareness to the dangers of skin cancer, but admits she never thought she would have to enter the ‘dying’ frame of mind.
‘At 28 years old… everything about it feels wrong. The conversations I’ve had to have, the plans I’ve had to make, the places my thoughts have gone and are still going – none of it is natural. It’s painful,’ she said.
She is especially devastated for her loved ones.
‘I’ve fallen into oblivion crying for (boyfriend) Alexander, the heartbreak, and the love I would be leaving – for the life we were supposed to have. I’ve cried for my family.’
She went on to celebrate reaching her life goals.
‘My one goal in life was to love. I’ve experienced a love that is all consuming – something so deeply precious and powerful and soul changing that I know that even though I’m leaving this earth, that energy and love will never die.’
She added she was finally ready to post publicly about her mortality.
She was diagnosed with stage four melanoma after a tiny mole on her foot left the ‘perfectly healthy’ student fighting for her life
‘For four months I’ve grappled with sharing this news. But I’m here now, and that’s because I want to take back control over my own agency. I am the one telling my story, as I always have. There are so many things in my life I can’t control but this I can.’
She also shared a GoFundMe link in the hopes her family wont have to worry about finances as they come to terms with her death.
The 28-year-old went on to explain that her life may have been a struggle but she ‘loved living it’.
‘Although dying feels incredibly lonely, I have never felt more loved than I do right now – which is one of the only positive things about approaching the end,’ she wrote.
She says her organs will eventually fail, she just doesn’t know if that will happen in coming days, weeks or months.
She also urged people to live their own lives well, adding that every moment is borrowed time, something she was forced to come to terms with at an early age.
Natalie was just 20 years old when she woke up one morning to find her legs covered in bruises during a holiday in Greece.
She initially thought she’d been sleep walking until she realised the mole on her toe, in which she had since birth, had changed shape.
It wasn’t until two weeks after returning home that she was told she had advanced melanoma.
She had her toe amputated and the lymph nodes in her groin removed.
Natalie – who’s the ambassador for a social media campaign called #CallTimeonMelanoma – has since been urging young women to get their skin checked and to be more cautious with sunbaking.
‘Cancer isn’t something we can turn a blind eye to,’ she said.
‘As much as we strive for inclusion and diversity, cancer isn’t often included in that list despite it being something that will touch us all at some point in our lives.
‘So, it’s important that we acknowledge it for what it is. It’s a horrible disease that needs awareness in many facets, from fundraising to inclusion in every day life.’
Natalie (pictured with her partner Alex) has been using her platform to urge young women to get their skin checked and to be more cautious with sun baking
She described cancer as a ‘life-changing’ moment in her life because she ‘didn’t sign up for this battle willingly’.
‘I know we all can’t be promised tomorrow, and these feelings aren’t just my own, but are felt by all who have had their bodies turn against them,’ she said.
‘Cancer is life changing. Truly. And that’s just putting it mildly. There’s a new normal we must learn, our feet forever walking the fine line between the ‘before’ and ‘after’.’
‘Sure, there are elements of beauty in my new-found life. I’m more aware of just how treasured my breaths are, that every hug I’m given I commit to memory, that every laugh I laugh is a joy. Yet, it is a life that I didn’t choose for myself.’
Natalie has been using her platform to raise awareness about the life-threatening illness
By sharing her story, she said she wanted to ‘live in a world that sees cancer not considered as a hindrance or a hurdle’.
‘That the organisations dedicated to the cause are there to speak with us, not for us. There are so many instances it stops us from living our lives,’ she said.
‘That along with our toxic bodies, our voices aren’t heard and our freedom of choice is something we reflect upon every day.’
***
Read more at DailyMail.co.uk