Paulina Porizkova has revealed she is suffering from depression after the death of her estranged husband, Cars frontman Ric Ocasek, but she wants to try and process her sorrow before turning to medication.
The 54-year-old supermodel, who lost her spouse in September, took to Instagram on Wednesday to share a photo of herself lying on an examining table in a blue hospital gown.
‘Ok, time to restart the systems. First, my annual physical with our longtime family doctor. And agreeing that my current depression needs to be processed rather than medicated. At least for now,’ she wrote, ending her post with the hashtag ‘#startingtheyearright.’
Candid: Paulina Porizkova, 54, took to Instagram on Wednesday to share a photo of herself lying on an examining table in a blue hospital gown on the day of her annual physical
Sharing her story: The supermodel shared that she and her doctor agreed that for the time being, her ‘current depression needs to be processed rather than medicated’
Paulina has been documenting her anguish on Instagram over the past four months, most recently sharing a glimpse into her family’s ongoing grieving process after Ric’s death.
She snapped a photo of one of her two sons crouching down by his father’s grave and posted it online, revealing their children — Jonathan, 26, and Oliver, 21 — are working together to design a headstone for their dad.
‘A simple little mushroom taken off our porch, for now, marks the resting place of their dad…’ she captioned the photo. ‘The real thing is being designed jointly by both of them: a fitting tribute to the father they adored.’
Paulina’s poignant post came just days after she opened up to her followers about how hard she was finding it to post day-to-day content from her life without it feeling ‘narcissistic.’
‘Hey everyone, I’d like to rejoin you, but at the same time, I have the hardest time posting,’ she shared. ‘Photos of myself, or what I like, seem so narcissistic at the moment… There is so much destruction and pain in the world right now…’
In mourning: Paulina has been candidly documenting her anguish on Instagram following the death of her estranged husband, Cars frontman Ric Ocasek, on September 15
Sharing: Earlier this month, Paulina posted this makeup-free selfie while opening up about the physical toll her grief has taken on her body
The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit star then went on to ask her followers for advice about the kind of content they would like to see in the future.
‘Can you guys help me?’ she asked. ‘Can you let me know what you like to see from me? Where can I do best by you?’
She concluded: ‘Everyone on Instagram is a president, narrator, hero or victim of the own tiny nation called “myself.”‘
Paulina has been incredibly open about her ongoing struggle to cope with her grief in the wake of her husband’s death, recently revealing the physical toll that it had taken on her by sharing a makeup-free selfie.
In the image, she is seen sitting in what appears to be her kitchen while wearing a navy robe and showing off her gray roots, ‘jowly bits,’ and eyelids that are ‘starting to droop’.
‘Today narcissism is king and constant self-improvement is queen, reality has taken a back seat,’ she wrote. ‘Who wants to see “real” people on social media? No, not for us. We want aspirational.
Tribute: Less than a week ago, she posted a photo of her youngest son, Oliver, crouching down at her late husband’s grave
Primate moment: The mother of two revealed Oliver, 21, and his brother, Jonathan, 26, are designing a headstone for their dad together
‘We want tips and secrets and shortcuts to how best present ourselves in the most glowing light. We want people to envy us, to copy us, to buy what we sell them, whether it’s our words, our brands, or torture or magic,’ she continued.
Paulina explained that her ‘little meadows of peace’ are the people who are honest about their lives and aren’t trying to come off as perfect.
‘To me, those are the truthful ones, the ones that don’t always look amazing, and don’t always feel amazing, and aren’t just so f*****g thrilled to be their awesome selves,’ she said. ‘So, this is what I really look like.’
Special: Paulina explained that the family is using ‘a simple little mushroom taken off our porch’ as a temporary marker for the grave until the headstone is ready
The author insisted it was ‘not a great photo,’ noting that it was taken early in the morning without any makeup or filters.
‘I’ll be turning 55 soon. At first glance, I think — ew. I look so old,’ she admitted. ‘Grief is certainly no beauty maker. My eyelids are starting to droop. The jowly bits next to my mouth don’t only make me look older but also somehow bitter. The gray in my hair is an easy fix, although, honestly, I’d love to just grow it out and stop coloring.
‘Now, how can I help to make all this — what we consider flaws — to be seen differently, to be seen as confidence and beauty of a mature age rather than something that needs to be eliminated?’ she asked.
‘I used to think gray hair was aging, that it was a sign of giving in to being old, but thanks to many glorious and rocking hot women on Instagram, I’ve totally changed my vision to gray hair being sexy and confident.’
Paulina recalled Pink sharing a private conversation she had with her then-six-year-old daughter, Willow, about beauty when she accepted the Video Vanguard Award at the MTV Video Music Awards in 2017.
The singer explained that she made her daughter a PowerPoint presentation featuring ‘androgynous rockstars and artists that live their truth’ after the little girl told her she was the ‘ugliest girl’ she knew because she looked ‘like a boy.’
Heartfelt: The model, who found her late husband’s body in their Manhattan townhouse in September, said her sons Jonathan and Oliver ‘adored’ their father
Painful: It was reported in November that Ric had cut Paulina out of his will, claiming she had ‘abandoned’ him. She is pictured with their son Oliver that month
Pink said she told her daughter, ‘We take the gravel and the shell and we make a pearl. And we help other people to change so they can see more kinds of beauty.’
In her post, Paulina applauded Pink for teaching her child that they should ‘help other people discover their beauty’ rather than trying to fix themselves.
‘Now, that is something to strive for,’ she wrote. ‘Not change yourself to fit in the box, but to blow up the f*****g box.’
The former American’s Next Top Model host said she’d like to end her post with a rousing, ‘Let’s blow up the f*****g box, ladies,’ but admitted she’s not entirely free from focusing on her looks.
‘The truth is that I am a mid-fifties woman,’ she wrote. ‘I’m vain and insecure, and next week I could decide to have surgical help to fit the comfortable and warm and familiar box instead of crusading to blow it up. #selfie #truth #beauty #sexyhasnoagelimit.’
Paulina and Ric were separated and going through a divorce when he died at the age of 75 on September 15. It was later revealed that he had cut her out of his will, claiming he was ‘abandoned’ by her.
Speaking out: ‘I’ve known about the will since the day after Ric passed. All you have heard from me since is in spite of that. #loveneverdies,’ she captioned this image after the news broke
Looking back. Paulina met Ric when The Cars were filming the music video for Drive in 1984, and she became his third wife in 1989. They are pictured together in New York in 1990
But since they were not legally divorced, Paulina, as his widow, may be entitled under New York law to an ‘elective share’ of his estate.
Ric specifically addressed the rule in his will, stating: ‘Even if I should die before our divorce is final… Paulina is not entitled to any elective share… because she has abandoned me.’
However, unless it can be proven in court that she did abandon him, she will likely be entitled to a one-third share of the musician’s assets, which are listed as $5 million in ‘copyrights’, $100,000 in ‘tangible personal property,’ and $15,000 in cash.
Paulina met Ric on set while The Cars were filming the music video for Drive in 1984, and she became his third wife in 1989. She announced in May 2018 that they had split the year before after 28 years of marriage.
Though they were divorcing, they continued to share a New York townhouse and that is where Paulina found the famed rock star dead on the morning of Sunday, September 15.
A medical examiner determined he died from hypertensive and atherosclerotic cardiovascular disease with pulmonary emphysema being a contributing factor.