A personal trainer has revealed she finds Christmas the hardest time of the year after spending the holiday in hospital on a drip due to her alcohol addiction.
Alexa Towersey, 39, from Sydney, said she finds this time of year ‘bittersweet’ as while she is able to catch up with friends she doesn’t see as often as she’d like, she is always reminded of what it’s like to be ‘without a drink in hand’.
‘[To be] without alcohol means four different scenarios where I could be answering questions about my choices, or even being challenged over them,’ Alexa posted on her Instagram page.
A PT has revealed why she finds Christmas the hardest time of the year, after a crippling addiction to alcohol left her in hospital with a black eye on a drip (Alexa pictured now)
Alexa Towersey, 39, from Sydney, said she is reminded at Christmas what it’s like to be ‘without a drink in hand’ (pictured in her twenties when she was struggling with alcoholism)
She then recalled Christmases over the years, and how she is celebrating the occasion differently in 2019.
‘For my 21st birthday, I drank 21 tequila shots,’ Alexa wrote.
‘In a row. I sat under the bar for a good 30 minutes before throwing up and then returning to drink some more.’
The 39-year-old said she ended up leaving her own birthday party ‘to sneak upstairs to a rugby function’ where she told them she was a cheerleader, until one of the ‘actual cheerleaders’ took her home because she was too drunk.
Alexa (pictured now) has been sober for 11 years, but said she can recall countless Christmases when she used alcohol ‘as a crutch’ that helped her through life
On another Christmas at age 23, Alexa said she was using alcohol as ‘a crutch’.
‘I never enjoyed a glass of wine with dinner. I didn’t even enjoy the taste of alcohol,’ she said.
‘I enjoyed the feeling of being drunk. I used alcohol to mask insecurity. I used it to bury emotion. I used it to bolster self-confidence.’
Alexa said she would ‘use it’ until she ‘fell over, threw up or blacked out – sometimes all of the above’.
At age 25, the now personal trainer said she put herself in hospital.
‘I got so drunk, I forgot where I lived, fell out of a cab and smacked my head on the curb,’ she said.
‘I have no idea who called the ambulance but I woke up with a black eye and a drip.’
‘I enjoyed the feeling of being drunk. I used alcohol to mask insecurity. I used it to bury emotion. I used it to bolster self-confidence,’ Alexa (pictured now) said
Alexa said that while she is ‘not proud’ of any of this, what she is proud of is the fact that this New Year’s Eve will be her 11th year of sobriety.
’11 years of finding myself. Of forgiving myself. Of healing myself. And 11 years of figuring out that I can love myself without having to be drunk to do it,’ she said.
Alexa urged her followers to be kind to each other and to be the person getting a glass of water at the bar before they get offered a drink.
‘It’s Christmas and sobriety was the greatest gift I ever gave myself,’ she said.
Speaking to FEMAIL, the PT said alcohol was a huge part of her early life and she had her first drink at 15, which was a hip flask of rum with the ‘cool kids’ from school (pictured now)
Speaking previously to FEMAIL, the personal trainer revealed that alcohol was a huge part of her early life and she had her first drink at 15, which was a hip flask of rum with all of the ‘cool kids’ from school.
She said that she made herself so sick that she was never able to drink rum again.
During school Alexa would drink at least one weekend night, if not both, which would depend on how hungover she was from the previous night.
‘There was no set amount – I didn’t have an off switch. Once I started, I found it very difficult to stop,’ she told Daily Mail Australia.
‘My night would end when I was so drunk that I couldn’t see straight and I threw up or passed out.’
She believed that alcohol was liquid courage and made her more fun to be around (pictured during university)
During university Alexa worked at bars and would drink every night she was working so she could get through the shift with a ‘smile on my face’.
She believed that alcohol was liquid courage and made her more fun to be around.
‘The most terrifying part for me, was the beginnings of the craving for it during the day. I would count down the hours until my first meeting so I could have my first drink. This is when I really knew it was an issue,’ she said.
‘I never enjoyed the taste, I drank because I enjoyed the feeling of being drunk and I drank when I was stressed or anxious.’
She would often refer to Sundays as ‘self-loathing Sundays’ because she would wake up with barely any recollection of the night before.
She said that her father also battled an alcohol addiction, which she said made her in turn feel like alcohol was something that was difficult to avoid (pictured with her dad)
The personal trainer decided to stop drinking when her father died ‘as a direct result of alcoholism’.
Although she thinks she knew a long time ago that she had an issue, it was his death that forced her to properly acknowledge it.
‘I flew to New Zealand from Hong Kong for dad’s funeral. I drank his last bottle of whisky and then I danced on the tables, threw up on myself, fell in a ditch and missed my flight home,’ she revealed.
‘I think for me, that was the pivotal point. I woke up the next day and just thought “what the f*** am I doing? I don’t want to be my dad”.’
She also didn’t want her behaviour to define her, so while she was listening to her partner fill her in on the blanks from the night before, she told him she was done with drinking for good.
Eleven years later, Alexa still hasn’t touched a drop.
‘Quitting drinking was the best decision, albeit the hardest one, I’ve ever made. It ended friendships and relationships,’ she said.
‘It made a lot of people uncomfortable. It’s amazing how confronting your decisions about your life can be for others.’
Nowadays, Alexa’s life is filled with workouts, health and happiness.
She said she feels better than ever.
‘You are so much stronger, braver and beautiful than you think,’ she posted on Instagram.
‘And one day, I hope you’ll stand on the other side and see that too.’
If alcohol is a problem and is harming you or someone you know, you can contact one of the many services available here, speak to your GP, local health service or call a helpline.