QUENTIN LETTS: Reshuffle poser led to much buttocky wriggling

What to write about yesterday’s PMQ? Is it worth reporting the exchanges between Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn? They said things about Brexit already uttered a hundred times.

Mr Corbyn named Mrs May’s chief of staff, Gavin Barwell, as a supporter of the customs union. Little Barwell, in a civil servants’ box, blushed like a strawberry lollipop.

Should I tell you about the salutes to Holocaust Memorial Day? Today’s political leaders manage to make even genocide sound somehow flat and grey.

Prime Minister Theresa May, pictured, tried to defend sending several cabinet ministers to Davos and was rightly attacked by Jeremy Corbyn

I could dwell on Mr Corbyn kicking at the self-appointed sultans of the World Economic Forum in Davos, to which Mrs May has, for some unholy reason, despatched various ministers – a waste of money, morally stinky. Good for Corbyn.

Likewise, I could tell you that Stephen Kinnock (Lab, Aberavon) was still hawking a Norway-style Brexit. The House heard him with little evident rapture. 

I could gush about Andrew Rosindell (Con, Romford) and Craig Tracey (Con, N Warwicks) saying their constituencies are still stalwartly pro-Leave. They were cheered by their friends but there are not enough of them here in our political citadel to make Brexit entirely safe.

Or I could even tell you how business minister Kelly Tolhurst and Huw Merriman (Con, Bex-hill & Battle), both of whom voted Remain, sat giggling behind Michael Fabricant (Con, Lichfield) while Brexiteer Fabricant put a blameless question about Birmingham Airport. They were mocking Mr Fabricant’s hair, which is possibly someone else’s hair, if hair it be at all. Miss Tolhurst was until recently in the whips’ office. Former whips are usually more grown-up.

Instead, let me describe two moments, one comical, one sad.

Peter Bone (Con, Wellingborough), a Eurosceptic who has watched Mrs May’s diluted Brexit plans in horror, told her: ‘Your Government is stuffed full of Remainer ministers who do not want to leave the EU.

‘Would you replace them with colleagues from these benches who actually believe in upholding the decision of the British people to leave the EU on 29 March?’ Corker.

Peter Bone asked Mrs May whether she would consider replacing her Remainer ministers with people who believe in Brexit

Peter Bone asked Mrs May whether she would consider replacing her Remainer ministers with people who believe in Brexit

Mrs May good-naturedly wondered if Mr Bone was applying for a job.

Actually, he was making a point one often hears raised by Tory activists who have lost patience with Cabinet ministers being wilfully anti-Brexit.

If you doubt the galvanised engagement of Tory members, you should have been with me later when I tried to get into a Bruges Group speech by Jacob Rees-Mogg. There was not a hope. The place was packed.

But back to Mr Bone. Remainer Cabinet ministers squirmed on their sphincters when he suggested a reshuffle. Chancellor Philip Hammond shook his head. Work and Pensions Secretary Amber Rudd, looking utterly whacked (I have never seen her more hollow-eyed), gave a ghostly smile. Tory Party chairman Brandon Lewis and Education Secretary Whatsisname Hinds affected mirth.

Beside them was pro-Brexit Transport Secretary Chris Grayling. He was not smiling at all. Perhaps he agreed with Mr Bone. 

Non-entity Cabinet sponges such as Lidington, Mundell and Bradley do need moving. 

Is it mere fancy to imagine that anti-Brexit Miss Rudd, recently returned to high office, will resign? I suspect it is not. But goodness, what buttocky wriggling Mr Bone’s question caused.

Jeremy Corbyn, pictured, amed Mrs May’s chief of staff, Gavin Barwell, as a supporter of the customs union. Little Barwell, in a civil servants’ box, blushed like a strawberry lollipop

Jeremy Corbyn, pictured, amed Mrs May’s chief of staff, Gavin Barwell, as a supporter of the customs union. Little Barwell, in a civil servants’ box, blushed like a strawberry lollipop

And then the sad moment. John Mann (Lab, Bassetlaw), better by miles than most of the careerist greasers in this stinking reed marsh, asked Mrs May about emergency mental health care for youngsters. 

He spoke about Nathan Garrett, 18, a volunteer in his local party, a ‘brilliant, engaging, kind young man’ who was a county athletics champ and gifted musician. 

Shortly before Christmas he had sought help from a mental health crisis team and it had not been forthcoming.

Voice almost cracking, Mr Mann recounted being told that everything had become too much for Nathan and he had taken his own life.

Nathan’s parents and grandmother were in the gallery. Who can know what they felt as they listened to Mr Mann’s words, and Mrs May’s well-chosen, tender reply? Tears were somehow blinked and brushed aside. And the House fell silent.

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