Shawn Johnson reveals she felt guilty after miscarriage

Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson has revealed that she felt so much guilt after miscarrying her first child she actually apologized to her husband, NFL star Andrew East.

The 25-year-old announced on Saturday that she and Andrew, 26, were expecting a child, but she suffered a miscarriage. A few days later, in her follow-up YouTube video titled ‘after the miscarriage,’ Shawn opened up about how blamed herself for their loss.

‘The day that I was told we were miscarrying, I felt guilty,’ she explained. ‘I felt sad. And I remember telling Andrew, “I’m sorry I lost your baby.”

  

Overcome with an emotion: Shawn Johnson and her husband Andrew East opened up about her miscarriage in a new video shared on her YouTube channel 

Struggle: In the clip titled 'after the miscarriage,' Shawn admitted that she blamed herself for her loss and told Andrew she was sorry for losing his baby

Struggle: In the clip titled ‘after the miscarriage,’ Shawn admitted that she blamed herself for her loss and told Andrew she was sorry for losing his baby

‘I felt like it was something that I did. I didn’t take care of the baby well enough.’ I was stressed out too much. Or I didn’t take the right prenatal vitamins,’ she continued. ‘There are all these different guilts and thoughts and negative feelings of like, I failed my baby. 

‘I felt like I was [uninhabitable]. Like, no baby’s going to live inside this belly.’

The retired gymnast found out she was pregnant a week ago, but she suffered a miscarriage just two days later, after she shared the news with her husband.   

‘It was a super, super emotional roller coaster, and one that we never imagined sharing with the world,’ Shawn explained in the clip, which she and Andrew filmed together. 

Painful loss: The retired gymnast found out she was pregnant a week ago, but she suffered a miscarriage just two days later. Footage from the video sees her resting in bed 

Painful loss: The retired gymnast found out she was pregnant a week ago, but she suffered a miscarriage just two days later. Footage from the video sees her resting in bed 

Blaming herself: The 25-year-old, who was filmed lying on the floor in her closet, said she felt like she was uninhabitable

Blaming herself: The 25-year-old, who was filmed lying on the floor in her closet, said she felt like she was uninhabitable

Resting: The retired gymnast spent some time lying on the couch while dealing with stomach pains 

Resting: The retired gymnast spent some time lying on the couch while dealing with stomach pains 

‘But we felt like so many people go through it that it was something we wanted to share with you guys,’ she added. ‘We’ve never posted anything that raw and real before, and it meant a lot to us.’ 

Both Shawn and Andrew thanked their fans for their support, and he noted that it meant so much to them that so many people shared their own stories of loss. 

‘There’s been so many people that have come out and shared their stories about, “Hey, I’ve had 11 miscarriages,” or, “I’ve had four miscarriages and it took me X amount of years to finally have a kid but once we did, it was the best thing in the world,”‘ Andrew explained.   

In the video, which is a little over 16 minutes long, Shawn told fans that she was getting better, but she was still feeling queasy from time to time.  

In pain: At one point, Andrew was seen comforting his wife after he found her lying on the floor by the toilet

In pain: At one point, Andrew was seen comforting his wife after he found her lying on the floor by the toilet

Healing: Shawn told fans that she was getting better, but she was still feeling queasy from time to time

Healing: Shawn told fans that she was getting better, but she was still feeling queasy from time to time

Footage shows the former Olympian lying on the floor in her home or resting in bed while she physically heals.

At one point, Andrew was seen comforting his wife after he found her lying on the floor by the toilet.   

In addition to still feeling somewhat sick, Shawn explained that she and Andrew are also still struggling with the emotions that come with such a loss. 

‘We’re really sad, and I don’t know if we know how to mourn it. It’s a weird process to go through,’ she said.  

Putting on a brave face: Shawn shared a photo of herself at a pumpkin patch with Andrew on Monday 

Putting on a brave face: Shawn shared a photo of herself at a pumpkin patch with Andrew on Monday 

Getting through it together: Both Shawn and Andrew thanked their fans for their support, and he noted that it meant so much to them that so many people shared their own stories of loss

Getting through it together: Both Shawn and Andrew thanked their fans for their support, and he noted that it meant so much to them that so many people shared their own stories of loss

‘We had a very small window of time where we enjoyed the idea of having a kid together, and it was like boom — the next day, everything got slammed back in our face,’ Andrew explained. 

‘It’s still tough,’ he noted. ‘I see Shawn looking at kids in strollers and she’s talking about kids all the time now, [but] we now have to wait a little bit [to start trying again], per doctor’s orders.’ 

The Iowa native and her athlete husband, who tied the knot last year in Tennessee, uploaded a YouTube clip titled ‘pregnancy + heartbreak’ on Saturday, in which they explained the tragic turn, and the optimistic way they’re looking at things moving forward. 

Coming together: Shawn and Andrew announced in a YouTube video Saturday that she had suffered a miscarriage six weeks into her pregnancy

Coming together: Shawn and Andrew announced in a YouTube video Saturday that she had suffered a miscarriage six weeks into her pregnancy

‘We feel like a lot of people go through this so we wanted to share it,’ said Shawn, who’s also been seen on TV programs such as Dancing with the Stars and The Apprentice.

The clip, which ran just under 21 minutes, documented a two-day span in which Shawn found out she was expecting via pregnancy tests, prior to the somber development.

She captioned the clip: ‘The past 48 hours have been some of the happiest, scariest, and saddest times of my life.

Trying times: The gold medalist gymnast and her spouse tearfully shared her feelings about the whirlwind past two days

Trying times: The gold medalist gymnast and her spouse tearfully shared her feelings about the whirlwind past two days

Memento: The couple showed off shoes they had picked up for their child ¿ and anticipate on using down the road 

Memento: The couple showed off shoes they had picked up for their child — and anticipate on using down the road 

‘My husband Andrew and I found out that we were unexpectedly pregnant, only to find out hours later some tragic news. I have been crying more than I ever have, but am still optimistic for what is next.’

In the video, viewers saw the gold medalist gymnast and the football long snapper in a series of testimonials talking about the pregnancy and taking trips to the doctor’s office.

‘We’re going to have a baby,’ Shawn said. ‘I definitely wasn’t planning this but it’s really, really exciting … how am I gonna tell Andrew? He’s going to be a daddy.’

Emotional: The couple bared their raw emotions in the online clip, noting that they are optimistic about the future 

Emotional: The couple bared their raw emotions in the online clip, noting that they are optimistic about the future 

Bounce-back: Shawn said she and her husband Andrew will 'start a family here soon'

Bounce-back: Shawn said she and her husband Andrew will ‘start a family here soon’

Shawn was seen in the doctor’s office, getting the bad news that she had miscarried, later sitting down with Andrew to share the cavalcade of emotions they were going through amid the difficult period.

Later in the clip, Shawn, flanked by her husband, said they’d been through ‘a roller coaster of a few days’ amid learning about the sad development.

‘We just got back from the doctor … and I’m no longer pregnant,’ Shawn said. ‘Somehow, I lost the pregnancy already.

Flowing tears: Earlier in the clip, Shawn showed off how she confirmed she was expecting via a pregnancy test

Flowing tears: Earlier in the clip, Shawn showed off how she confirmed she was expecting via a pregnancy test

Flowing tears: Earlier in the clip, Shawn showed off how she confirmed she was expecting via a pregnancy test

A star is born: Shawn rose to national prominence after a strong showing at the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing, China

A star is born: Shawn rose to national prominence after a strong showing at the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing, China

‘It sucks; it’s definitely no fun, guys … and having a doctor confirm that we miscarried doesn’t feel good. I’ve cried enough today, I don’t need to cry anymore.’

Shawn noted that she and her husband were not trying to conceive a child and were scared of the prospect, with Andrew adding, ‘Yeah, we were scared and we were like, “Wow, I don’t think we’re ready for it.” Then we talked about it and started getting excited about it.’

Shawn then displayed a pair of baby shoes she and Andrew had picked up and vowed they would ‘use them again’ someday.

The Olympic athlete said she and Andrew will ‘start a family here soon,’ and Andrew said he was ‘optimistic’ about what the future holds.

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