Sorry Nicole, but no intelligent woman fancies being dominated by a young buck with the charisma of an X Factor reject: SAMANTHA REA on why Babygirl gets it all wrong about what women really want in bed

I’ve never really ‘got’ the concept of BDSM relationships or ‘sex play’ in which one person gives the other person orders.

Apparently it’s a turn-on for both parties, but I find the concept of someone claiming to be a ‘dominant’ laughable because they can only ‘make’ you do what they say if you humour them by going along with it. It’s just silly

So I am probably not the target audience for Nicole Kidman’s new film, Babygirl, in which we’re sold the idea that what women secretly want is a dominant younger guy.

The film begins with Nicole Kidman’s character Romy having sex with her husband Jacob, played Antonio Banderas. It seems like they’ve both enjoyed it – but then Romy sneaks off to another room to achieve her climax by watching porn.

From the clip that we see Romy watching, it’s apparent that she likes a particular dynamic – namely, she seems to get her rocks off by imagining she’s a young girl in a sexual scenario with a man who’s a ‘dominant daddy’. 

So far, so toxic and vomit-inducing. But it gets stranger still, when, in real life, Romy finds a ‘dominant daddy’ character in Samuel – an intern at the company where she is CEO.

It’s not only the difference in age and status that makes me struggle to understand why Romy’s aroused by this whippersnapper ordering her around. It’s the fact that Samuel has the gravitas of an X Factor reject.

He’s like one of the all-attitude-no-talent contestants from the early episodes, who everyone laughs at because they’re ridiculous.

Writer Samantha Rea (pictured) found Babygirl starring Nicole Kidman ‘toxic and vomit-inducing’

In one scene, in a fancy hotel suite that Romy’s paid for, she sits, enraptured, in a dressing gown, while Samuel dances around to the George Michael song Father Figure.

Wearing a white vest and a gold chain that’s probably from a pawnbrokers, Samuel resembles an Eminem tribute act from Grimsby, on day release from a detention centre.

You can imagine Samuel being signed to the same talent agency from David Brent: Life on the Road and the pinnacle of his career being getting booked to appear at Wolverhampton’s third bleakest nightclub.

His tattoos, including stupid little scribbles on his fingers, look like they were done in prison, with a biro.

Does this seem like someone who makes good life choices?

No.

The film, which was released in the UK on January 10, sees Nicole Kidman's character Romy get into a relationship with the much younger Samuel

The film, which was released in the UK on January 10, sees Nicole Kidman’s character Romy get into a relationship with the much younger Samuel

So it is literally unfathomable to me why anyone with even the most basic intelligence would let this man give them orders – let alone be turned on by it.

And this is whose hands Romy has put herself in. This is the guy whose orders Romy has promised to obey, what with him being her ‘dominant daddy’.

So, as a woman, do I secretly wish I were in Romy’s shoes? Absolutely not. I am actively repelled by the prospect of a guy attempting to dominate me and I cringed so much watching this that my face almost had a hernia.

In fact, pretty much the entire film is mortifying to watch. In their first sex scene together, the whippersnapper leaves instructions for Romy to meet him in a hotel room that looks like it’s rented by the hour – and not necessarily cleaned between bookings.

She arrives first, beautifully dressed. Then, the man-baby rocks up late in dirty trainers and a hoodie he might have found on public transport.

This is any sane woman’s cue to leave, but somehow Nicole Kidman’s character is  moved to get on all fours and suck unwrapped sweets out of his hand. Why?

Doesn’t she want a successful, solvent, well-dressed man who can book them a suite in a five star hotel?

Apparently not, because the sweet-sucking leads to a toe-curling sex scene with glimpses of arm movements and Romy making intense guttural noises. 

It's been reported that Babygirl has already surpassed its $20million budget in global sales

It’s been reported that Babygirl has already surpassed its $20million budget in global sales

Samuel, an intern at the company where Romy is CEO, is a 'dominant daddy' character in their relationship, issuing instructions that Romy must obey

Samuel, an intern at the company where Romy is CEO, is a ‘dominant daddy’ character in their relationship, issuing instructions that Romy must obey

Is this indignity really what women are meant to secretly want? Because I can say, with absolute certainty, that it doesn’t appeal to me.

I like a well-mannered, punctual man in a nicely ironed shirt, who serves his appetizers in conventional kitchenware – in little bowls, for example, rather than his hand. But even then, I wouldn’t be taking orders from him or viewing him as a ‘father figure’.

In case you haven’t heard it for a while, let me just share with you some of the lyrics from the song Father Figure that play during this film: ‘I will be your father figure (Oh, baby), Put your tiny hand in mine (I’d love to), I will be your preacher teacher (Be your daddy), Anything you have in mind…’

On what planet would anyone look up to Samuel the delinquent man-baby as a father figure? It’s just laughable. 

The closest I can come to imagining him in a parental role is being on The Jeremy Kyle Show, doing a paternity test after 15 women in his block of flats claim they’re pregnant by him.

At one point in this cringe-fest Romy is on her knees drinking milk from a saucer on the floor. I’m sorry, but I still have PTSD nearly 20 years on from watching George Galloway licking milk from the palm of Rula Lenska’s hand on Celebrity Big Brother in 2006.

I don’t know if Nicole Kidman, or Babygirl director Halina Reijn, are aware of Galloway’s nausea-inducing scene from the vaults of the UK’s worst reality TV moments, but I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who was revolted by it. So why re-enact it for this supposedly erotic thriller?

Then there’s the scene in which the man-baby chucks some crockery on the floor – on purpose so it smashes – and says: ‘You’d better clean that up.’ 

Writer Samantha Rea found the character of Samuel, played by Harris Dickinson, completely implausible

Writer Samantha Rea found the character of Samuel, played by Harris Dickinson, completely implausible 

Rather than finding the relationship on which the film centres erotic, Samantha thought it was - at best - an incel fantasy

Rather than finding the relationship on which the film centres erotic, Samantha thought it was – at best – an incel fantasy 

We then see Nicole Kidman crawling around on her knees picking up bits of broken teapot or whatever it was, as he kicks bits towards her hands.

And this is meant to be erotic? This is a ‘sex game’ is it? This isn’t a sex game. I’d class it as domestic abuse, only Nicole Kidman’s character is apparently turned on by it (it’s sort of hard to tell from her face, but given that this is the theme of the film, I’ll go along with it).

I honestly cannot imagine any woman being titillated by clearing up a man’s mess. 

‘Ooh! More housework! What a turn on’ said literally no woman ever. And so I find it hard to believe that this film is representative of women’s secret desires.

At best, Babygirl is an incel fantasy that imagines a world in which women are attracted to broke, dishevelled, immature men, who find they can catapault women to sexual nirvana just by telling them to get on all fours and clean up their mess.

It’s literally a male fantasy for slobs. It’s like something Jim Royle off The Royle Family might have dreamt up.

That’s at best…

At worst, Babygirl is actually extemely sinister. The porn that we see Romy watching at the start of the film is ‘daddy-daughter’ themed, and the ‘sex’ that Romy likes emulates this. 

According to Samantha, Babygirl is not a film for women - as many have argued - but rather a film for men

According to Samantha, Babygirl is not a film for women – as many have argued – but rather a film for men

We see her being touched from behind, with a hand over her mouth. Is this some way of eroticising child abuse and legitimising it as a ‘kink’?

‘Good girl,’ says Samuel to Romy, as if this middle-aged woman – the ‘baby girl’ of the film’s title – is a child. And if any of that’s too subtle, we have the song Father Figure crowbarred in there.

It’s been reported that Babygirl has already surpassed its $20million budget in global sales. But who is really watching it?

Nicole Kidman has said that this film aims to show female sexual pleasure as it really is. But this film is not for women, it’s for men – the kind of men who should be on some sort of register.

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