A brave woman who lost more than half her body weight has relearned to love her body after coming to terms with an alleged sexual assault during her early teenage years.
Christina Baker of Summerville, South Carolina,struggled for years to admit the reasons behind her ever-increasing weight, which, at 18 years old, saw her tip the scales at a shocking 280lbs.
The 21-year-old claims she was sexually assault when she was 13, and over the years that followed, she gained more than 140lbs as a mechanism to ensure boys didn’t look at her the way they once had.
Before and after: Christina Baker of Summerville, South Carolina, is pictured at Disney World at 16 and now at the age of 21 at 120lbs (right)
Issues: She claims she was sexually assault at age 13, and over the years that followed, she gained more than 140lbs
During that time, Christina also gave up cheerleading, which previously kept her slim, in favor of comfort eating. She withdrew herself from the world, abandoning her school friends and her hobbies.
‘I remember the exact day I woke up and something was different about me. I felt like a stranger in my own body. As I looked in the mirror at my 280lbs self, I couldn’t remember how I had gotten so big,’ she wrote in an essay for Love What Matters.
‘It’s like I subconsciously ignored it. I was looking at reality and I didn’t like it. It was time for me to stop hiding from happiness,’ she added.
Three years after the alleged incident, at 16 years old, Christina decided to tell her mother the true reasons behind her eating disorder, texting her while she was in a ceramics class.
Her mother took a while to respond, and Christina had a panic attack while waiting. She spent the rest of the day hiding in the bathroom because she felt that her mother blamed herself for the events of the past.
She said: ‘When I first told my mom, I felt immediate guilt and regret. It had been my secret for so long, and to finally share it with her was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I felt like it was happening all over again, but this time I wasn’t the only one getting hurt.’
Priorities: Christina gave up cheerleading, which previously kept her slim, in favor of comfort eating. (Pictured left in 2015 at 18 years old and right in 8th grade before the assault)
Coming clean: Christina told her mom about the alleged assault and said that her mom blamed herself. Christina at Christmas in 2014
Christina’s mother, who does not wish to be named, said it was her fault for sending her daughter to that school, and for having a job that required Christina and her brother to stay after school.
Christina said it tore her mom apart, and that she has regretted telling her ever since. She also made a promise to her mom that she would not tell her father the whole story. All he knew was that Christina was touched inappropriately by a few people, and that’s why her mom pulled her and her brother from the school.
Her father didn’t know she was raped until years later. Her brother, too, only later discovered the truth.
During the years that followed coming clean to her mother, Christina admits to self-harming and attempting suicide, as well as continuing to battle her weight.
‘I’ve struggled with self-harm since all this happened,’ she told Love What Matters. ‘During my darkest times, my parents felt helpless because I felt helpless. I was institutionalized twice for self-harm and suicide attempts.
‘There I learned coping skills I still cling to when I get these urges. I put my family through hell but I’m so thankful for their support and love,’ she added.
Sick: Christina had to be hospitalized multiple times, which cost her family thousands of dollars
Support: Christina thanks her family and her boyfriend, Kyle (pictured), for helping through the difficult times (pictured at age 19 in April 2016)
But in February 2015, having then explained to her father the reasons behind her appearance and weight gain, Christina decided to change her outlook, focusing her efforts on weight loss.
She began with a three-day fast, which initially gave her a boost but also led to a long road of anorexia nervosa.
She said: ‘I got a rush of excitement and I chased that rapid weight loss. After those three days, I tried to eat a meal and felt gross – I didn’t like the full feeling anymore. I felt no immediate comfort the way I had just three days before, so I stopped eating.’
During her struggle with anorexia, Christina hid food under her pillow, and when her family and boyfriend would go to sleep at night, she would silently unwrap a wax-wrapped cheese and eat it.
But anything she ate and drank came right back up, and she became weaker as the days progressed. This approach resulted in her needing to spend months in hospital, having been diagnosed with malnourishment and dehydration. At times she was unable to walk.
Youth: Christina (pictured at age eight or nine) saw a big change in her teenage years
Difficult: It was hard for Christina to admit to her family that she had an eating disorder. (Pictured left before the assault in 7th grade and right at present day)
The constant hospital visits cost her parents thousands in medical bills, she said, and during these troubling times of extreme weight loss attempts – between February 2015 and October 2015 – Christina went from being 280lbs to just 101lbs and now weighs 120lbs.
From starting the weight loss that February, Christina said she did not willingly leave the house for eight months. She finally did on her 19th birthday and remembers how she felt looking in the mirror and hating the way she looked because she didn’t think she could ‘get out of this’.
But luckily, she said, her family and her boyfriend Kyle were her ‘rock’ through this period, offering her 24/7 support during the times she only drank water all day and was in and out of the hospital.
During this traumatic time, she had not admitted that it was her lack of eating that was causing such a drastic weight loss even though she could see the strain it was putting on her family.
Christina said: ‘We made no comments on the weight loss – it was an unspoken truth. I’m sure they talked about it when I wasn’t around. I could see how worried they were.’
It wasn’t until the middle of 2017 that Christina felt comfortable in her body once again when she decided to get a job and fell in love with the place and people she worked with.
Better: It wasn’t until the middle of 2017 that Christina felt comfortable in her body once again when she decided to get a job
Fighter: Christina still struggles with depression, anxiety, and PTSD but she has now fully come to terms with her alleged sexual assault
‘I ended up getting a job at an amazing place, and this was my moment to reclaim my life and love myself. It was here I learned who I am. It sounds silly, but it truly changed my life,’ she said. ‘The people I’ve met here are a support system like no other. They are the reason I get out of bed some days.’
Christina still struggles with depression, anxiety, and PTSD, but she has now fully come to terms with her alleged sexual assault and the emotional strain she had put on her family.
Though she knows there is a long road ahead, she has since returned to schooling and is hoping to work with animals.
Christina, a coffee shop assistant manager, said: ‘I am happy with my life right now. I feel like I am exactly where I need to be. I’m bettering myself every day – some days are better than others, but overall I’m thankful I’m alive right now and wouldn’t ask for anything else.’