An Australian mother-of-two has come out in defence of mothers who formula feed their babies after being shamed for doing so herself.
Tahlia Aubusson, 29, gave birth to her son Arlington on January 10th and she has decided to wean him at three weeks.
What followed when she shared this decision were ‘judgemental’ looks, ‘interrogation’ and ‘a lot of advice’ given to try and ‘persuade her’ to keep breastfeeding.
‘Ok, get the rotten tomatoes ready to throw and I’ll go and get my raincoat because I can guarantee this blog will receive judgment, sad but true,’ the Housewife Style founder wrote.
An Australian mother-of-two has come out in defence of mothers who formula feed their babies after being shamed for doing so herself
Tahlia Aubusson , 29, gave birth to her son Arlington (pictured) on January 10th and she has decided to wean him at three weeks
‘But sometimes things just need to be said.’
Mrs Aubusson, who is also the mother to a three-year-old little girl, said she loves seeing photos of women who ‘feel empowered by breastfeeding’ and has noticed a flood of photos calling for breastfeeding to be normalised.
‘I’ve never actually seen any judgement towards breastfeeding in the first place. Hasn’t it always been supported?’ She questioned.
‘It is after all the natural way to feed your child since, well, humans existed. I’ve never seen anyone try to enforce someone to not breastfeed and whilst there might be the odd person here and there that gets offended by seeing a woman’s naked breast, overall breast feeding is absolutely normal and accepted in society.
‘How often do you see a photo posted of a mother doing a formula feed? Yep, you guessed it never. Why? Because that woman knows for sure she will be judged,’ she said
‘What about the women that willingly choose to NOT breast feed?’
Mrs Aubusson said that there would be a ‘huge difference’ in the judgement received by a woman posting a photo to normalise breastfeeding compared to a woman normalising formula feeding.
‘How often do you see a photo posted of a mother doing a formula feed? Yep, you guessed it never. Why? Because that woman knows for sure she will be judged,’ she said.
‘Why? Because one day someone decided to make every woman on earth feel like a failure if they didn’t breast feed because they created the term “BREAST IS BEST” but best for who?’
Mrs Aubusson struggled ‘hugely’ with breastfeeding her first born as she had very low milk supply despite months of trying ‘all the tricks in the book’
Mrs Aubusson struggled ‘hugely’ with breastfeeding her first born as she had very low milk supply despite months of trying ‘all the tricks in the book’.
This resulted in a very unhappy breastfeeding experience, tears and a feeling of overwhelming guilt – despite the happiness of being a new mum.
‘I pumped day and night just to be able to give my daughter the smallest amount of this so called “liquid gold” however for me it was basically just like water so how much nutrition was my daughter actually getting? I had no idea,’ she said.
After four months of what Mrs Aubusson described as ‘self inflicted torture’, she stopped breastfeeding and turned to formula – her ‘saving grace’.
Mrs Aubusson questioned how breastfeeding can always be seen as ‘best’ if it leads to unbearable pain, a hungry baby and stress
‘After my experience with my first born and the happiness it took away from those precious first few months I decided feeding wasn’t even going to be an issue with my second ,’ she said
‘My milk literally dried up over night that’s how little I had! The thing is, the only reason I tried so hard and felt so much pressure to keep on trying was because I was led to believe “breast is best” and that “bonding” with my baby would be compromised,’ she said.
‘It was literally thrown in my face from the second I became pregnant and like most mothers I believed it! But was it best? In my case, absolutely not, it wasn’t best for me and my mental health and it wasn’t best for my daughter and her physical health, she simply wasn’t getting enough.
‘Was my relationship and bonding with Ambria compromised? Not at all, we have a beautiful mother daughter relationship and she is as smart as they come for her age.’
Mrs Aubusson questioned how breastfeeding can always be seen as ‘best’ if it leads to unbearable pain, a hungry baby and stress.
Mrs Aubusson said that while has a much better supply this tine, the pain is so intense that she feels ‘sick’ when she feeds her son
‘After my experience with my first born and the happiness it took away from those precious first few months I decided feeding wasn’t even going to be an issue with my second baby,’ she said.
‘I was going to just go with the flow and I packed formula to take to the hospital, if my milk came in and feeding happened to be a natural and easy process then my son would be breast fed, if it didn’t then he would be put on formula without hesitation.’
Mrs Aubusson said that while has a much better supply this tine, the pain is so intense that she feels ‘sick’ when she feeds her son.
‘Yes I’ve checked tongue tie, yes I’ve checked, latch, yes I’ve used shields, yes I’ve used the gel discs, I’ve used every bloody product on the market just to survive and “make it through” to the part where you “enjoy it”,’ she said.
When she shared her intentions of stopping breastfeeding, she was faced with judgement and interrogation (pictured with her husband, former NRL player James Aubusson)
‘I can tell you now that I consider myself to be a wonderful mother, I am so devoted to my children and devote my life to their health and happiness,’ she said
‘Over the last few days the pain has started to subside and my supply is good but I don’t enjoy breast feeding and I don’t get that beautiful empowering feeling some women describe.
‘Whilst that’s so beautiful for them that they experience those emotions through breast feeding, I, for whatever reason, don’t! In fact I get anxious sitting there for half an hour thinking of things that need to be done.’
Mrs Aubusson said that she is not going to feel guilty about this and assures that the love and bonding with her children is no different – she just experiences it in different ways.
This is why she has decided to wean her son at three weeks and put him on a bottle full time so that everybody in the household is happy.
The doting mother called for people to stop pressuring women to exclusively breastfeed and for women to stop shaming mothers who don’t
When she shared these intentions, she was faced with judgement and interrogation.
‘I thought to myself, as I explained my reasons “Why am I even justifying my decision in this day and age?” It should be treated no different to me saying “I’m going to breastfeed”,’ Mrs Aubusson said.
‘I can tell you now that I consider myself to be a wonderful mother, I am so devoted to my children and devote my life to their health and happiness so whether I breast feed or not, I don’t believe needs to be added to my “motherhood resume” as an attribute to successful parenting.’
The doting mother called for people to stop pressuring women to exclusively breastfeed and for women to stop shaming mothers who don’t.
Mrs Aubusson concluded by saying that her words are not to deter women from breastfeeding but to simply urge women to stop enforcing their beliefs on others
‘When I switched to formula with my first born I felt like I was put into this group of categories such as “broken”, “lazy”, “selfish” or “uneducated” mainly by older women and older midwives,’ she said.
‘I’m just going to come out and say it, IT’S BULL***T and ABSOLUTELY UNNECESSARY. You should NEVER feel this way because of a decision you made that was BEST for you, WHY? Because our children are a reflection of us and we will get the best out of them if we are doing our best. ‘
Mrs Aubusson concluded by saying that her words are not to deter women from breastfeeding but to simply urge women to stop enforcing their beliefs on others.
‘There is no shame in formula feeding, it should be as irrelevant as whether you choose cloth nappies over Huggies,’ she said.
‘I wish you all well and really hope you have a successful breast feeding journey BUT if you don’t it’s no big deal and if you don’t want to? WHO CARES?’ She said
‘Formula feeding has been a god send for me and I am so glad I made the decision to do so.
‘I wish you all well and really hope you have a successful breast feeding journey BUT if you don’t it’s no big deal and if you don’t want to? WHO CARES?
‘The ONLY person that needs to be happy and comfortable with your decision is YOU! This is YOUR world of motherhood and you need to do what works for your world and do it with confidence.
‘Don’t waste these precious months and years of our children being little putting pressure on yourself and feeling guilty over things that really should have NO GUILT associated with it. All our babies need is love.
‘Oh and milk, HOWEVER it comes.’
Mrs Aubusson’s full blog post can be read here and she shares updates on her Instagram page.