The 10 sex lies men tell women according to expert Tracey Cox

It’s a fact- both men and women lie about sex for different reasons.

Women tend to lie to make themselves seem more innocent sexually: to appease his ego and to flatter, to make him fall in love with us.

Men tend to lie to make themselves seem like nice guys, to get sex or to spare our feelings.

So not all lies are evil – or equal. But how to tell which to ignore and which are red flags? 

 Here’s my take on the 10 most common fibs to watch out for…

Tracey Cox reveals the top 10 lies men tell women to get sex or to spare our feelings, including claiming they’ve been tested for sexually transmitted diseases

I just want to sleep. Honest!

You get on well enough to be back at one of your places but haven’t quite decided whether you want to have sex.

It’s getting late, you’re knackered and actually quite like the idea of a cuddle – maybe he does just want to sleep?

Along with ‘I’ll sleep on the sofa’ and ‘I swear I won’t touch you, I’ll just lie here’ lies, this is usually a ruse to get you in bed where he hopes you won’t be able to resist giving in to his many charms.

It’s a ‘try your luck’ lie.

Sometimes, after it’s made clear sleep and a snuggle really is all that’s on offer, men will do just that.

Trust your instinct though, if you feel unsafe in any sense, don’t go there and only do if you’ve had the chance to make a good judgement call.

Relationship expert Tracey Cox explains that men and women lie for different reasons- men to get sex and women to appear innocent

Relationship expert Tracey Cox explains that men and women lie for different reasons- men to get sex and women to appear innocent

I got tested a few months ago

This an evil lie: he’s saying it hoping you’ll have sex with him without using a condom.

You either don’t have any condoms to hand or he doesn’t want to wear one.

Fact: even if he did get tested a few months ago and came up negative, how do you know what’s he been up to since then?

How does he know what any women (or men) he’s slept with since have been up to?

When you sleep with one person unprotected, you sleep with everyone they’ve slept with unprotected – and everyone they’ve slept with unprotected. And so on.

Here’s how to deal with this one: Tell him it’s great he gets tested regularly. Why don’t the two of you go together next week to get the all clear? 

I can’t orgasm with a condom on

In the old days when condoms were as thick as a Marigold’s and just as uncomfortable, this might have been the case.

Today’s high-tech, super thin, high sensitivity versions are so barely there, he’d be hard pressed knowing he’s wearing one.

Apart from a genuine latex allergy, pretty much all men can orgasm with a condom on.

And even if he does have an allergy, there are lambskin and other alternatives.

Along with 'I'll sleep on the sofa' and 'I swear I won't touch you, I'll just lie here' is usually a ruse to get you in bed where he hopes you won't be able to resist giving in to his charm

Along with ‘I’ll sleep on the sofa’ and ‘I swear I won’t touch you, I’ll just lie here’ is usually a ruse to get you in bed where he hopes you won’t be able to resist giving in to his charm

This has never happened before

It has. He’s just trying to save face when his penis doesn’t do what he wants it to and get an erection on demand.

Usually, one of two things has happened: he’s drunk too much (or taken too many recreational drugs) or has a classic case of performance anxiety.

If it’s the latter, it’s often a compliment: he desperately wants to be an impressive lover and anxiety is affecting his ability to rise to the occasion.

Rather than admit he’s drunk (embarrassing) or that his penis doesn’t behave with robotic reliability (unmanly), he’ll look at you wide-eyed and proclaim this is absolutely the only time it’s failed him.

This has the rather unfortunate effect of making you feel like it’s your fault: you’re not attractive enough, don’t turn him on enough, your technique is crap.

Refuse to let this happen.

Say: ‘Really? It happens to most guys now and then surely? Anyway, it’s no big deal because there’s nothing wrong with your tongue, right?’

I usually last a lot longer

If not getting an erection is his biggest fear, finishing too soon is second by a hair.

What most men don’t realise is most women are far less concerned about a man climaxing too early than they are taking forever to.

If it’s early in the relationship, he’s not supposed to be able to control himself (given how sexy you are).

If it’s later on, he’s falling for the myth that women want intercourse to go on and on – and on. (They don’t.)

A relatively harmless lie, this one’s more about him protecting that delicate male ego rather than deliberately trying to mislead you.

Pretending that he can't orgasm with a condom on is another lie Tracey says many men tell women in the bedroom

Pretending that he can’t orgasm with a condom on is another lie Tracey says many men tell women in the bedroom

It’s only you I fantasise about

He’s either incredibly naïve and believes that you only ever fantasise about him or thinks you have a massive jealousy problem and isn’t game to admit to even the slightest hint of attraction to any other woman on the planet.

Interestingly (and I was shocked to read this), fantasising about your partner is up there in the top three common fantasies for either sex.

But really?

He never mentally strips the hot looking girl that’s just walked past? Has never had a two-minute pleasant daydream about a work colleague who mildly flirts with him?

Everyone fantasises about someone other than their partner now and then – lots while they’re actually having sex with them!

What’s interesting here is why your partner feels the need to lie to you.

What happens in his head really is his business – and same goes for you.

It’s what he takes through to reality that you need to worry about.

Of course you’re the best I’ve ever had

I think you’d be hard pressed to find a (nice) person who hasn’t trotted this one out, feeling their nose grow like Pinocchio.

The correct answer to ‘Am I the best lover you’ve ever had?, ‘Do I give the best BJ you’ve ever got?’ etc etc is always ‘Yes darling’.

If you hate being lied to, don’t ask. If you can’t resist, take the compliment rather than push or ask for details.

If he volunteers this one up without prompting, it’s because he wants to hear the same sentence come out of your mouth, albeit knowing it might well be a lie.

Yes, you must.

You taste amazing

Lots of women worry about how they taste and smell so it’s quite a compliment on his part if he says something favourable after having given you oral sex.

A lot of men know this.

It might be a ploy to get you to go ‘all the way’ by buttering you up but more likely this is a reassurance lie: him wanting you to be able to relax and receive pleasure worry free.

I hardly ever masturbate

Most men under 25 masturbate at least once a day with lots doing it three times. If he’s over 25, he still should be masturbating once or twice a week.

If all men do it, why doesn’t he own up to it?

Because he worries you’ll think he’s either desperate or so sex obsessed, he’ll cheat on you.

Or he just feels…. awkward.

Let him know you think it’s weird if he doesn’t masturbate regularly and you’ll probably get an immediate ‘Oh, we’re telling the truth are we? In that case…’.

I can tell if a woman has had an orgasm

No man – or woman for that matter – can tell conclusively if you’ve had an orgasm.

The only person who knows that, is the woman who has just had one…or not.

There is no magic giveaway sign.

Sure, sometimes women get a flushed chest and their clitoris is highly sensitive afterwards.

But that doesn’t always happen – and it doesn’t happen to all women.

True, this is a delusional and annoyingly narcissistic lie.

But it’s going to persist until women stop faking it and feeding the myth that orgasm is as easy for us to achieve, as it is for most men.

He can’t take all the blame for this one!

Visit the all-new traceycox.com for more articles on sex and relationships and to check out Tracey’s product ranges.

 



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