There’s an ‘offensive’ new dating move women are using that’s upsetting men, writes JANA HOCKING

Abbie Chatfield, that wonderous oversharer and teller of truths, revealed she has no plans to seek out another serious relationship anytime soon.

Instead, she now has a roster of lovers that she sees once a week.

I’m not going to lie, I think it’s all rather fabulous. She’s young, fun, and gorgeous, so why shouldn’t she make the most of her single days.

We all should be looking to do that.

As someone who has had their own ‘hoe era’ I can’t rave enough about its benefits. Meeting new people, expanding your mind, putting to bed (sometimes literally) old ways of thinking. 

Jana said she stumbled across the idea of having a roster of lovers when TV host Abbie Chatfield (pictured) said she has no plans to get into a serious relationship soon

So how does it work? Well, for me, it involved a wild few years at University. I had just got out of a four-year relationship and it was the first time, since my early teens that I had been single and it was far too exciting.

I lived on a country campus and it was a hot bed of late night parties, wild antics and far too much cheap wine. It was not a time to be shacked up with one guy, you wanted to get dolled up for the night, party with your girlfriends, and have the freedom to pash whoever you darn wanted.

Half the fun was sharing all the details with your girlfriends the next morning while chowing down on cheese toasties. 

Now let me add a disclaimer here, thankfully I’ve always been a big believer in safe sex, which meant that my ‘hoe era’ was a ‘safe era’. So, a word of warning, if you want to build a roster for yourself make sure you live by the mantra ‘If it’s not on, it’s not on!’

Jana (pictured) said a break up provides a great opportunity to ‘branch out from your comfort zone’ and go on lots of dates with people you wouldn’t usually consider

I also like the idea of looking back on my life and being mildly shocked, yet chuffed. I want to say to myself: ‘Good lord Jana you had some fun!’

So why are people so outraged by the idea of women having a rotating roster? Men have been doing it for forever. Many of my male friends have timidly grunted when I’ve asked them how many women they’re dating at the moment. Some even wear it as a badge of honour when they admit to ‘sleeping around.’

There’s one particular male friend of mine who shocked us all when he announced he was shutting down his dating apps and settling down with just one woman. Shocked.

However, Jana said that men are often ‘outraged’ by the idea that women would have more than one man on the go at the same time – and they regularly ‘sl*t shame’ as a result (one of the messages she has received pictured)

And yet… when a woman admits to living the same life, the world goes into cardiac arrest. The words, sl*t, wh*re, hussy tend to get thrown around fairly quickly.

Why? Because people still frown on women who are open and honest about their sex lives.

Yes, it’s 2022, and the thought of a woman saying she is playing the field a little seems horrifying to many.

‘The words, sl*t, wh*re, hussy tend to get thrown around fairly quickly,’ Jana said (one of the comments she has received in the past pictured)

If my Instagram DMs are anything to go by, it really is a hot topic. I’ve been told multiple times that if I don’t hurry up and settle down I’ll die alone with cats, or so much worse… 

But then my question is, well who is it hurting? I’ve always been very open to the blokes I’m dating about where I stand in terms of dating other people. 

When it comes time to have ‘the chat’ about going exclusive, then jolly good, but I’m certainly not hiding anything. I believe it avoids drama and confusion down the track when one person thought they were exclusive, and the other didn’t.

Which brings me to another point, I think it’s actually a great idea to play the field a little following a break up.

Firstly, it’s a great opportunity to branch out from your comfort zone. Go on dates with people you wouldn’t normally consider. Try new things, compare options, meet lots of new people, and see who floats your boat. You may be surprised by who you end up picking at the end of it all.

Do you want to get to the end of your life and regret just ‘settling’ for the safe option. Snore! Go out and play and meet fabulous people!

It also takes away the pressure of having to find ‘the one’ on the first date. You’re not stuck by the phone waiting for the follow up text if you’re distracted by other dates. You stop putting all your eggs in one basket and give yourself the time and space to decide if you actually fancy the person, or just the idea of them.

If you are dating multiple people, many of them will drop off naturally when you both realise you’re not a good match. That may happen on the second date, or the fifth. Just let the dates play out, take your time, and find out who you are post-breakup and who you want to be with.

Jana (pictured) said the most important thing you need to remember when dating multiple people is that you need to be open and honest

For me, the most important thing when it comes to dating multiple people, or having a roster of sexual partners, is being open and honest. So for all the ‘tutt tutting’ Abbie received for announcing she’s seeing multiple people, perhaps we should commend her on her frank honesty. 

There’s no one scratching their head wondering if they are in a relationship with her, nope she’s declaring loudly and proudly that she’s just after a good time at the moment, and bravo!

Here’s to more open and honest conversations about our sexual wants and desires – haven’t we all had enough of the stigma?