A psychologist has revealed how it’s possible to form a close bond with anyone by asking them 16 questions that spark meaningful conversations.
Dr Nicole LePera, from Philadelphia, has gained a following of more than 7.2 million people through of her work on healing your inner-self and understanding why emotional intimacy is so important.
She recently explained how close relationships don’t just happen by chance; they are the result of a strong foundation built on curiosity, understanding, and vulnerability.
‘If you want a close relationship with someone, you need to be interested in them as a person,’ she said.
Dr LePera shared several questions that focused on key areas of ‘feeling’, ‘interest’, ‘future’ and ‘play’.
Dr Nicole LePera (pictured) has gained a following of more than 7.2 million people because of her work on healing your inner-self and understanding emotional intimacy
‘It’s built through curiosity,’ she said. ‘By asking questions, not being judgmental, [and] showing the other person you’re safe and can be trusted.’
Some ‘feeling’ questions include, ‘When is the last time you felt excited or inspired?’ and, ‘Where do you feel most at peace?’
Dr LePera also noted the importance of focusing on the other person when you ask them the questions.
‘Don’t talk about yourself. Don’t interject, make fun of or judge what they’re saying. Let it be light-hearted and open. Come from a genuine place of knowing who they are,’ she advised.
An example of an ‘interest’ question is, ‘What have you recently learned about yourself?’ Whereas a ‘future’ question asks them to consider their next steps, such as, ‘What’s something you want more of in your life?’
Having deep conversations may not come naturally to everyone, but it’s important to push forward, and these questions are an excellent way to start a discussion.
‘It can be really awkward to ask these questions – especially if you were raised in a home where things like this weren’t really talked about, and people didn’t show much interest in [other] people’s emotions, thoughts, or their passions.’
What questions foster emotional intimacy between two people?
1. When’s the last time you felt excited or inspired?
2. When’s the last time you felt heard or understood?
3. What place do you feel most at peace?
4. When do you feel most connected to me?
1. What’s something you’re really interested in right now?
2. What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned this past month?
3. What have you recently learned about yourself?
4. What do you remember loving to do as a kid?
1. What’s something you’re working towards now?
2. What area of your life do you think will look most different in five years?
3. What’s something you want more of in your life?
4. Are you content now?
1. If you had to watch one movie 10 times, what would it be?
2. What’s something new you want to try and do together?
3. What new hobby do you want to try but don’t know where to start?
4. What is your perfect lazy Sunday?
Source: Dr Nicole LePera
Many thanked Dr LePera for her advice, and shared their own experiences with emotional intimacy.
‘I don’t remember ever having this, but it’s something I desire,’ a woman said. ‘It’s something that’s been coming up for me lately, and I long to be seen and heard.’
‘I stopped dating a guy who had no curiosity about me as a person,’ another shared.
‘This is what people need to learn how to do on dates and on dating apps – it’s the essences of creating a deep connection,’ a woman added.