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Tracey Cox reveals the best sex position for every scenario

Really want to have sex but something’s not quite right?

I’ve come up with a sex position for every scenario.

The ultimate sex position is one that feels good for both of you, depending on your height, weight, size and mood you’re in.

All positions are derivatives of the basic five – her on top, him on top, from behind, side-by-side and standing – but you can customise dramatically by trying different angles with your bodies, arms and legs (the rule of thumb: she should lean forward for clitoral stimulation and back for G-spot). Games like tie-up alter the mood, experiment with a variety of thrusting styles and pace.

Always remember, though, one person’s heaven is another’s hell – some women relish the show-off appeal of being on top, others hate being exposed.

The acid test: does it feel like you ‘fit’? If it feels really awkward, forget it.

Otherwise, here goes!

If you’re in the mood for sex but there’s a mental or physical obstacle in your way, it’s all a matter of simply choosing the right position (stock image)

THE BEST SEX POSITIONS FOR WHEN…

You want to try something new but feel self-conscious

Any position where you aren’t facing works: you’ll feel less inhibited if there’s no eye contact and be more inclined to let go and enjoy it. (Plus they can’t see the bits where it all goes a bit wonky.) Another alternative: blindfold your partner.

You can’t quite get there

Be super alert for your personal orgasm triggers. The more your brain travels a certain path neurologically, the more effortless it becomes. The more signposts of impending orgasm your brain can recognize, the easier it will trigger the orgasmic response.

Focus on what you naturally do on approach to orgasm, then exaggerate it. Clench your bottom and thigh muscles, make the right noises, speed up or slow down.

Tracey Cox says that if you're in the mood but there's a block - whether that's emotional or physical - there's a sex position that fits the bill

Tracey Cox says that if you’re in the mood but there’s a block – whether that’s emotional or physical – there’s a sex position that fits the bill

You want to try for an intercourse orgasm

The ‘reverse cowgirl’ and her on top are consistently voted both his favourite position and the position most likely to give her an orgasm during intercourse.

The pluses for him are obvious: a great view of your bottom if you’re facing his feet, the treat of bobbing breasts if you’re not, and the chance to lie back and relax. You win because you’ve got control and can easily alternate between good, constant clitoral contact or G-spot focused thrusting.

In the reverse cowgirl, you can hang onto his calves or ankles, push back and grind against his pelvis. Most women move in a circular or oval fashion, side to side or simply rock back and forth, clenching both thigh and PC muscles to maximise sensation.

You want more clitoral stimulation

The traditional ‘jack hammer’ style of thrusting – a deep, repetitive in-and-out motion – is about as effective at getting women to orgasm as using a bread knife to shave your legs.

Instead, try grinding against his pelvis and move in circles, rather than up and down. The aim is to keep as much of the base of his penis as possible in contact with the whole of the vulva. Get him to keep thrusting short and shallow rather than deep and fast.

You’re exhausted

Lie on your side, your back to his front. Lift your bottom to allow him to penetrate and tighten your thighs for maximum friction, while his hands reach around to stimulate your clitoris. If you’re half asleep, your sexual system probably is, too, so help it along by using lubricant.

Armchair sex is another good option when you’re tired: you sit on his lap, facing him, in a crouched position. Place your feet flat on the seat beside his thighs while he holds you by the waist and lifts you up and down.

You want to feel tighter

Choose deep penetration positions but keep your legs close together, rather than wide apart. The ‘X position’ is perfect. Lie back on a table or bed, keeping your pelvises at about the same height. Have him penetrate, then raise your legs up in the air, cross your legs at the ankles and rest your feet against his chest. He can hold onto your shins to get some leverage.

Get him to penetrate just before you orgasm. There’s a tightening of the vagina which happens when you’re highly aroused (around 8 on a 1-10 pleasure scale). During this time, the middle third of your vagina will often grip his penis tighter.

You’re distracted

Keep your eyes open and watch the action instead of losing yourself in ‘Wonder what Jenny/John really meant when they said that?’. Focus on what you’re feeling not what you’re thinking and get your partner to stimulate two spots at once. He can insert a well-lubed thumb into your bottom during oral sex. You can reciprocate when doing the same. Or choose a new, challenging position for intercourse to force you to concentrate and stay in the moment. (Balance or fall in a heap!)

You’re having a fat day

There are alternatives to keeping your T-shirt on and settling for (yawn) missionary. Rear-entry position are the most flattering. Kneel facing away from him, lean down to rest your weight on your forearms and push your bottom high in the air. The angle and position make your waist look tiny and your thighs slim and taut.

If you do opt for missionary, stretch your arms up over your head and place them flat on the wall behind you for a flat looking stomach and perky breasts.

Fancy revving up for round two, three (or more)? These tricks will help you have multiple orgasms

Lower your expectations if you’re a man…This is the payoff for women. It’s hard for us to have an orgasm but once we do, it’s easier to have more. Men learn to have multiple orgasms by learning techniques. Women are just engineered for them.

Use different stimulation for each orgasm. Alternate oral sex with intercourse with added clitoral stimulation (use your fingers or a vibrator).

Train yourself to expect more through masturbation. Masturbate in your usual way until you’re almost, almost…then stop. Change to a new position, switch to a different technique (ditch the vibe and use fingers etc) then start again. Again, get almost there then stop. Change position and technique again – and keep doing it till you’ve brought yourself to the brink at least five times. This not only stops your body from expecting exactly the same stimulation to orgasm, it trains your sexual system to expect that after one peak of sensation, another is coming.

Other ways to make it happen: simmer by anticipating what’s in store, way before you touch them  be in the right head space to keep going – avoid small, sensitive areas immediately after the first orgasm. The nerve endings are too on edge so instead zoom in on larger hot spots like breasts, bottom cheeks, inner thighs, backs – kiss with tongues fighting like gladiators – rub your bodies together during intercourse and maintain full body contact – pump those pelvic floor muscles – add erotic edge by pulling her hair, spanking his bottom.

You want to even up a height difference

Have standing sex on the stairs: the shorter person stands on one stair (or three) to line up with the other. A sturdy, large based stool can also come in handy. You can buy sex ‘wedges and ramps’ – perfectly shaped, hard pieces of furniture designed to support flopping limbs or to put between you if your face is being mashed into a partner’s chest. Large, firm pillows work almost as well. Sex swings are a great way to even up both weight and height differences, so can jumping up on a kitchen counter.

You want a G-spot orgasm

While the jury is still out on whether the G-spot even exists, the whole front vaginal wall is supersensitive. You on top or him from behind will give him a direct shot. If you suddenly think, Omigod, I have to wee, you’re on target. Stick with it, and the sensation will pass, giving way to a G-spot orgasm.

You want to try to ejaculate

You’re more likely to ejaculate as a female if you’re incredibly aroused, it’s very likely to be via G-spot stimulation and it helps if you’ve got strong pelvic floor muscles. Most of the time, women who can achieve this, orgasm and ejaculate simultaneously (but that’s not always the case).

Can you teach yourself to ejaculate if you try hard enough? Some say yes, others say no. But if you want to try, go for it!

Do your kegels, invest in a G spot vibe, explore lots and if you feel the urge to pee, try pushing out your vaginal muscles rather than holding them in. Like everything else sexual, G-spot orgasms are healthy to aim for, not so healthy to obsess about. There’s no evidence that ejaculation makes for a better orgasm anyway, by the way!

You want more intense orgasms

The longer the build up, the better the orgasm for everyone so tease mercilessly and don’t skimp on foreplay. It also helps if you’re sober: alcohol doesn’t just numb the senses, it numbs the nerve endings as well.

You can’t seem to push yourself over the edge

If you’ve been hovering in that ‘I think I’m about to but then again maybe not’ stage for ages, you’re probably desensitised. Switch stimulation: if you’re having intercourse, try some oral.

If that doesn’t work, try the ‘fake it till you make it’ method. Pretend you’re going into the throes of orgasm and you may trick your body by providing all the triggers it usually associates with climax.

Not working? Change position. Get him to lie on his back, legs stretched out and together, then climb on top so you have complete control. Put your knees on either side of his chest, let him penetrate and, leaning forward, move your hips so your clitoris is making small circles against his pubic bone.

You’ve both had too much to drink

There is a way to make the most of the alcohol-induced lack of inhibition and deal with his inevitable wobbly erection.

If you feel him losing his erection, get into a position where he’s on top. Gravity will work in his favour, keeping all the blood in his penis rather than draining out of it. Even better, get him to wear a penis ring to trap the blood in the chambers of the penis.

If his penis is too soft for intercourse, opt for a sexy mutual oral sex session instead by turning a 69er on its side. Each of you rest your heads comfortably on each other’s thigh.

He’s too big

Choose positions that don’t allow deep penetration. Good bets: you-on-top, so you get to control the depth of his thrusts or side by side (both lie on your sides facing each other. You rest your upper leg over his hips as he penetrates).

Or try missionary with a twist: you lie on your back, he penetrates from on top, as usual. Then you tightly close your legs to minimize access as he thrusts – this not only helps control the depth of penetration, it also feels better for him because he’s thrusting between your thighs as well as into your vagina.

He’s on the small side

You lie on your back and wrap your legs over his shoulders, narrowing the vaginal canal and allowing him deep access.

Or kneel on all fours as he penetrates from behind.

Also try this: lie on your back and bring your knees up to your chest. He penetrates from on top with your feet resting on his shoulders.

Tracey’s product ranges – Edge and Supersex – are available on traceycox.com. Edge is designed to help men reach peak performance, the Supersex range has products for every gender and sexuality.

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