Tracey Cox reveals the sex lies you should never fall for

Most people tell at least two social ‘white’ lies a day – minimum.

But how often do we lie to each other in bed?

The truth is rather a lot…and that applies to all genders.

We lie to get laid. We lie to protect people’s feelings. We lie to get out of doing something we don’t want to.

We lie to get people to like us and think we’re ‘nice’. We lie to flatter and make people fall in love with us.

The reasons for lying are many but while some sex lies are harmless, these are not.

Think before you set out to deceive and don’t fall for any of these phoney fabrications.

I just got tested

You should get a full health screening for STI’s and HIV every time you change partners or at least once a year, if you aren’t using protection every single time you have sex.

That’s the guideline.

Tracey (pictured) says that around 25 percent of users on PornHub, the popular US site, are women, so don’t always believe women who say they don’t watch porn

The reality is very few people test at all, let alone on a regular basis. Most people only see a doctor when they have symptoms – not realising that a lot of STIs are symptomless.

The chances someone is telling the truth – despite the wide-eyed, you-can-trust-me-even-though-you’ve-just-met-me expression – is so low it barely registers.

Unless they can show proof, always assume the person is lying. Besides, even if they got tested last week, who knows who they’ve slept with since? It’s meaningless.

Insist on a condom – and, if you’re female, possibly brace yourself for this one…

I can’t finish with a condom on

He can, you know. He absolutely can.

Try him.

Twenty years ago, men might have had a point that condoms deaden sensation. But condoms these days are high tech and big business: a lot of money goes into coming up with designs that guarantee high sensitivity.

Make it clear if it’s not on, sex isn’t on and watch how quickly he comes around to the idea of ‘substandard’ sex – and has an orgasm.

If he dislikes condoms that much and you’re both happy being monogamous, both get tested together later and then ditch them.

In the meantime, protect yourself.

I never usually do this

This one’s a female favourite – especially popular when we’re just about to have sex with someone faster than we think is ‘acceptable’.

It’s a handy get-out clause that effectively says, ‘I’m normally a ‘nice’ girl and observe the three-date rule (or whatever’s in vogue at the time) but for you I’m making an exception because you’re so hot/special/I really like you”.

This will supposedly stop the person you’re about to ravish from thinking you’re a. ‘slutty’ or b. sex mad.

Why we still need to say things like this when it’s firmly established that women love sex as much as men and don’t need to be in love with someone to enjoy it, is beyond me.

But still it comes out of our mouths, even though it’s about as believable as…

I never watch porn

Virtually all men with an internet connection watch porn, most on a regular basis.

Women do it often as well: around 25 percent of users on PornHub, the popular US site, are women.

The majority of people watch porn for five to ten minutes per visit but many do it several times a day.

Despite the regularity of use, most recent studies now back the assumption that, for most people, watching porn is more like a coffee break – time out from the routine of the day – rather than a threat to relationships.

Why do people feel obliged to pretend they never indulge?

Men lie because many women don’t like the idea of their partner watching other women doing sexy things on screen.

Women lie because some men don’t like the idea that women experience the same primal lust they do: the sort that doesn’t require love.

Truth is, masturbating to porn regularly can benefit your sex life. If you’re capable of looking after yourself, you’re less likely to hassle your partner for sex if they aren’t in the mood. Regular orgasms keep our libidos high and getting variety online is a great way to deal with the monotony of monogamy.

This has never happened before

As I often say, is there really a woman alive who has ‘penis envy’? Who the hell wants one when every sex ‘failure’ is so obviously on display?

If a woman doesn’t climax, she can fake it. If she fails to lubricate, a dab of lube placed high in the vagina solves that problem…and no-one need know.

No hiding anything for people with penises: whatever happens is out there for all to see and judge!

Is it any wonder he’ll blurt ‘I’m shocked! This has never happened to me before!’ when he climaxes two minutes after penetration or has troubles getting an erection after 25 pints of lager.

He does it to save face – but instead creates tension.

This lie makes it seem like it’s YOUR fault. If it’s never happened before then it’s got to be the partner: you’re not sexy enough, your technique is rubbish, you don’t turn him on enough.

If someone tries this on, say, ‘That’s interesting. It’s something that happens to all guys now and then, surely? Anyway, who cares. There’s nothing wrong with your tongue is there?’.

I can tell if a woman has had an orgasm

Wow! What an amazing person you are if this is you.

You’re as extraordinary as a unicorn. Because it’s impossible to truly tell if a female has climaxed or not – unless you’re the woman having (or not having) the orgasm.

There was talk that a red rash or ‘sex flush’ on the chest was the magic, giveaway sign. But turns out that doesn’t happen to all women, all the time.

A more telling sign – the clitoris becomes highly sensitive after orgasm and is sometimes painful to touch directly – also doesn’t appear to be one-size-fits-all.

This sex lie tends to come out of the mouths of men when their partner has, bravely and sensibly, decided not to fake orgasm but to admit that she hasn’t had one.

Any decent, sexually savvy person will answer this with, ‘Thanks for being honest. Can you tell or show me what works for you, so I’ll know what to do next time?’.

Others hit back with a defensive, ‘Well, that’s a first. I’ve managed to make all my other girlfriends orgasm no problems.”

Counter with, ‘But how do you know?’ and there it is: ‘I know because I can tell if a woman’s faking or not’.

Except you can’t.

It doesn’t count that I cheated because I was drunk

Of all the sex excuses and lies, the old ‘I was drunk and it just happened’ is for me the most pathetic.

What complete and utter rubbish!

One-night stands don’t ‘just happen’. No matter how drunk you were, if you’ve had sex with someone you shouldn’t have, there were several points along the way when you knew it was dangerous to continue down the path you were on.

That moment in the loo when you thought, ‘I’m in a bit of trouble here. That guy/girl is really hitting on me and I’m enjoying it a bit too much. I really need to leave now’.

And then you don’t.

Even if it was a drunken ‘Oh, what the hell,’ you made a decision to do something you knew would hurt your partner.

Bring drunk does indeed affect our judgement and lend us to making poor decisions. But, for the majority of people, it doesn’t override strong commitment and decency.

It wasn’t the wine that did it, it was THEM.

• Check out Tracey’s new products in her supersex and Edge ranges at lovehoney.co.uk. Her weekly podcast, SexTok with Zibby and Tracey, resumes soon but there are 55 episodes to catch up on in the meantime. Listen here.