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Tracey Cox talks to three women who found threesomes a changing experience 

Having a threesome is the most common sexual fantasy for most couples – it’s also the fantasy that’s least likely to turn out well.

Most of us don’t factor in jealousy, awkwardness, performance anxiety or the fact that three people in a bed means one person can easily feel left out.

What works beautifully in our imaginations, often turns out to be a disaster in reality. Sometimes, things can go a little too well.

Good or bad, inviting another body into your bed, can be a life altering experience – as these three women found out.

British sex expert Tracey Cox spoke to three women who had life changing experiences when they had a threesome (stock image) 

MY BOYFRIEND HATED IT

Ellen, 24,

Like most guys, my boyfriend of three years had been begging me to have a threesome ever since we met. When I gave a hint I might be finally relenting he was beside himself!

We went online to see if we could find a girl that I found attractive. I was very particular about who I wanted. She had to be bi, not gay, and know what she was doing. I didn’t want a newbie like me.

We’d often role-play what would happen and my boyfriend always took a dominant, masterful role. I was happy with this – I didn’t want to be the one driving the whole thing in case I lost my nerve.

I was apprehensive the morning of D-Day and fled to the kitchen to pour us all a drink when she arrived. When I returned, she was perched on the edge of the sofa, looking like she wanted to leave and my boyfriend was sitting opposite her, bright red, staring at her saying nothing.

She was very pretty but in a ‘nice girl’ way. She looked like she should be working behind the beauty counter at a department store, not sitting in our lounge offering herself up for group sex!

After some awkward conversation, I suggested we take our drinks into the bedroom.

She said, ‘Let’s get onto the bed and see what happens,’ so we sat on the edge of the bed and started kissing. Her lips were really soft and it was totally different to kissing a man.

My boyfriend was still standing in the corner near the drinks looking nervous. He said he wanted to just watch for a bit.

Meanwhile, the girl stood up and took off her clothes. I did the same and the mood changed a little.

Tracey Cox (pictured) shared tips on what to do if you want to have a threesome with your partner

Tracey Cox (pictured) shared tips on what to do if you want to have a threesome with your partner

I glanced over at my boyfriend to see his reaction. Surely he’d be liking this part now we were both naked? But he just gave me a watery smile and gulped nervously.

It’s really hard sleeping with a woman and not comparing yourself to her the whole time. Did her thighs look bigger than mine? Whose breasts were better? I had to fight the urge to ask my boyfriend his opinion on all our body parts.

We lay down on the bed and continued kissing again – and that’s all we did for ages which, quite frankly, was a bit boring.

It felt like I was the one running the show when I wanted her to do things to me or for my boyfriend to command us to do things to each other.

So I ordered my boyfriend to come over and be part of it.

He went white and moved towards the bed like we were standing there with loaded guns pointed at him, rather than two naked women snogging.

I decided to ignore him and at least try to enjoy the experience for what it was: something new I’d always wanted to try. I did what I’d like her to do to me and feeling her aroused finally did it for me.

I was just starting to get all worked up when my boyfriend suddenly appeared by the bed with our two wine glasses and asked us if we wanted sips of our wine.

Women are so polite! It was ridiculous but we both stopped – just when we were getting to some good stuff – and took the glasses of wine and my boyfriend actually said, ‘Cheers!’.

The whole thing was surreal and I was verging on the giggles. I’d wanted heat and lust and instead I felt like I was at some posh tea party where you had to keep your pinky poised.

I decided to up the stakes and pushed her back on the bed and went down on her.

I felt my boyfriend finally join us on the bed and was really getting into it but then he piped up and said he couldn’t see properly and could I move over a bit.

I lost it. I was fed up with it all and looked him in the eye and said, ‘No. Now shut up or leave.’

He was furious and left, slamming the door. I went back to pleasuring her but the moment was past. Only another woman knows that if you’re just about to orgasm and something happens to put you off, it’s really hard to climb back up there again.

I apologised to her about it all going wrong and I saw her out.

When I came back in, my boyfriend was sitting on the sofa in tears.

He said he’d wanted to pull out that morning because he got worried he wouldn’t be able to perform and he was also freaking that I’d prefer having sex with her than sex with him and leave him for another woman.

I felt sorry for him and exhausted by the experience: the whole thing had left him feeling utterly emasculated. It took ages for us to get back to normal and we nearly broke up.

I don’t think our experience is that uncommon.

Men are all talk when it comes to stuff like this and the saying ‘Be careful what you wish for’ couldn’t be truer when it comes to men and threesomes.’

I MARRIED THE MAN I HAD A THREESOME WITH

Sam, 32, is a travel consultant

I went to Turkey to check out a new company that offered sailing holidays. I hadn’t had sex for ages and was very pleased to see two members of the crew were gorgeous.

HOW TO SURVIVE A THREESOME AS A COUPLE 

Don’t do it on impulse

What seems like a really good idea when you’re drunk, usually doesn’t seem quite so sensible in the morning.

Don’t do it with friends

Threesomes often backfire and the last thing you need is a constant reminder of a bad experience.

Talk through what will happen

Who’s doing what to who? Is anything off-limits? Most people cast themselves in the star ‘taking’ role in their fantasies and get a shock when the other two people also interact.

Have a code word that means stop

If your partner uses the word, stop immediately. Your relationship is more important than the experience.

They were English but had been working in Turkey for ages. They both had amazing tans and great bodies because sailing is hard work.

They were clearly friends because they were both larking about and you could see they both had a great sense of humour.

I was the youngest in our group and figured the three of us would have fun together but didn’t think past that even though, like most girls, I’d had fantasies about having more than one man.

I ended up hanging out with them loads. I’d sneak off the second I could from the organised dinners and come and meet them either on the beach or at a local bar afterward.

They were both really flirty with me when I was with them and it was clear both wanted to sleep with me. It became a competition over who was going to win me over, but in a fun rather than serious way.

On the night before I had to leave, they took me to a bar and when it closed, it seemed rude not to go to their room to continue partying.

The next day was a free day for me, so I didn’t have to be up early and I really liked the attention. They were hot and they were fun and they were both so complimentary, it was a massive ego-boost.

Both of them sat beside me on the sofa and the younger guy said, ‘Come on, give me a little kiss. You’re leaving soon,” and he grabbed me and gave me a big tongue kiss.

I kissed him back – I was pretty trashed – and then the older guy, sitting on the other side, said, “That’s so unfair. What about me,” and pulled me to him and so I kissed him as well.

When we stopped kissing, the young guy grabbed me again and we kissed then I leant back into his arms and he started kissing my neck and feeling my breasts and the older guy put his hands on my hips and pulled me towards him and next thing we’d all moved to the bed and both of them were making love to me.

I can’t remember feeling either shocked or surprised. I do remember feeling really turned on and not coerced into it.

I think I joked that they’d planned it and they grinned and admitted they had but it was also clear I could say no at any point.

I had sex with the younger guy first and it felt amazing. I loved it but I was hotter for the older guy, so I reached for him and he sort of pushed the other guy off.

I don’t know when I stopped enjoying it but it was suddenly all too much. It went from feeling pleasurable and racy to feeling like I was being violated.

I started crying – we were all so drunk at this point it was bound to happen – and I remember the older guy pushed the young guy out of the way and told him to stop.

Then he cuddled me and said ‘It’ll be OK, it’s fine, I’ll look after you”. I remember the young guy saying, ‘S***, is she OK?”.

They were both nice guys and neither wanted to do anything I didn’t want done to me. Up until that point, I’d been very willing!

The younger guy disappeared after that. I think he figured I’d made my choice and I felt asleep crying in the other guy’s arms.

We woke up the next day at lunchtime and I felt absolutely shocking. It was the worst hangover I’ve ever had plus I felt ashamed about what I’d done.

But he reassured me he wasn’t judging me and then he said he really liked me and asked if he could keep in contact. I said yes I’d like that and I realised I actually quite liked him too.

But what was the point? Not only was he working in Turkey and I lived in London, I’d just had a threesome with him and his best mate! Not exactly the perfect circumstances for establishing a relationship!

I said a teary goodbye to him and a trifle embarrassed goodbye to his mate and never expected to hear from him again.

But he texted the second I’d gone and kept on texting and three months after that, he threw in his job and came to live with me and we got married eight months ago.

No-one knows how we met and his mate wasn’t invited to the wedding. He said he can’t be friends with him anymore because it reminds him of that night.

He told me he didn’t judge me at all for going along with it but that he feels ashamed about plotting with his friend to seduce me. I know not to remind him I was absolutely a willing victim!

We don’t talk about it and he hates it if I bring it up. I can’t decide if it’s cool and amusing that we first got together through a threesome or whether it’s positively awful.

I do know it’s something I certainly won’t be telling the grandkids!”

Another one of the interviewees told how she became a lesbian after her threesome. Stock image

Another one of the interviewees told how she became a lesbian after her threesome. Stock image 

 I DISCOVERED I WAS LESBIAN

 Claire, 45, media consultant

 Ironically, it hadn’t ever occurred to me to look at another woman in a sexual way until my husband took me to get a lap dance.

We were out with friends to dinner, all a bit drunk, and on impulse went into a lap-dancing club for a bit of a laugh.

The girl didn’t do it for me – too plastic. But what it did do is trigger an erotic dream about how it might have been and that quickly turned into a fantasy I’d regularly play in my head.

I had never been attracted to a woman before. I hadn’t had any ‘crushes’ or teen same-sex exploration at all.

Apart from the lapdance and resulting fantasy, I was about as straight and vanilla as they come.

Yet I found myself thinking about what it would be like to sleep with a woman and the only way I could think to do that was to suggest a threesome.

As you could imagine, my husband didn’t take much persuading. We decided to hire a sex worker. I would never do it with a friend and this seemed like the most discreet way to handle it.

We booked into a nice hotel for the night: I didn’t want to do it at home in case it was a bad experience.

We were incredibly nervous! But when she arrived, it all felt OK.

She was nice and educated and very attractive. We both wanted to be involved so my husband was there with us from the start but it was obvious she was more into having sex with me than him.

I couldn’t believe how easy it all felt.

I’d enjoyed sex with my husband and other men but this was different. It felt so right and on an entirely new level. Much more sensuous and erotic.

It felt really emotional for me. I forgot my husband was there, to be honest. It felt like only she and I were in the room.

He joked a bit about being left out but was happy watching. I don’t think he realised just how much I was loving it.

When she left, I took myself off to have a shower and felt simultaneously thrilled and sick to the stomach.

I didn’t know if I was gay or not but I did know I wanted to explore sex with other women – without him there.

The relationship may have run its course anyway. As much as I loved him, I wasn’t in love with my husband anymore.

We’d got together young and the spark went out of it years ago.

I told him I was questioning my sexuality and wanted to explore things further. He said he couldn’t handle me sleeping with anyone, male or female, without him there, so we split.

That was three years ago.

I’m single now but have had a few relationships with other women since we split and, for now at least, want to be with a woman not a man. I couldn’t be happier.”

Visit traceycox.com for more advice on sex and relationships and information about her two product ranges.

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