When the British cycling team are under starters orders at this month’s Tokyo Olympics, Victoria Pendleton will be pedalling furiously – albeit under her chair.
As one of Team GB’s most successful female Olympians, with two gold medals and a silver, you might imagine she’d be wishing she were back in the saddle, but far from it.
After dispensing her expert insight in the commentary box at Rio 2016, Victoria’s thrilled to be back there again for the Tokyo Games where she’ll join former Olympians such as sprinter Michael Johnson, heptathlete Jessica Ennis-Hill and swimmer Rebecca Adlington for 350 hours of coverage across the BBC anchored by the likes of Clare Balding, Gabby Logan and Dan Walker.
Victoria will be talking us through the cycling action starting on the road today, and in the velodrome from 2 August.
Victoria Pendleton, 40, (pictured), who is one of Team GB’s most successful female Olympians, is set to provide BBC coverage for the Tokyo Games this month
Victoria bowed out of professional cycling when she was the reigning world champion after taking part in the London 2012 Games. Pictured: Celebrating her gold medal win in London
‘I’ll be pedalling furiously under my chair, with my little feet tapping away as I’m commentating,’ says the nine-time World Champion.
‘But I’m very glad to be watching from the sidelines because being an elite athlete is a tough existence. When everyone’s warming up I’ll be glad I’ll never have that anxiety again because I remember what it feels like and it’s really stressful.
‘All the butterflies and the nausea, and you keep having to trot off for a wee because of the anxiety. That feeling – when you’re in your gear, gloves on, helmet on – and you’ve got to sit on the pre-race chairs for two minutes feels like an eternity.
‘But as soon as that pistol goes off you forget everything. A blink, a distraction, and suddenly you’ve lost. You’re trained to be so disciplined and focused that it’s irrelevant what’s going on elsewhere until you cross the finishing line.
‘Then suddenly the noise is deafening, it’s euphoric, and you think, ‘Wow!’ You wish that feeling could last forever but it’s over in minutes, then it’s head down and on to the next thing.’
That first-hand experience is of course invaluable in the commentary box, where Victoria’s hoping the Team GB cyclists can emulate the success of the golden generation from 2012 of which she was a part.
‘There are quite a few very experienced riders in the track team who’ve been there and bought the T-shirt,’ she says.
‘They’ve won medals multiple times before and they’re going to lead the team. You’ve got the likes of Ed Clancy [who has won three golds and a bronze] in the Men’s Endurance. He’s exceptional.
Victoria (pictured) is hoping the Team GB cyclists can emulate the success of the golden generation from 2012 of which she was a part
‘He’s barely had a year off in his career since he won his first World Championship in 2005. He’s very dedicated, very calm, a very disciplined rider.
‘He doesn’t take himself too seriously but he always brings the focus when necessary and I think he’s a great role model for the men.
‘Then there’s Laura Kenny and Elinor Barker for the women who’ve done it all before. I think they’ll set an example for the younger riders in the team. There are a lot coming through too, both men and women.
‘I know some of them actually. It’s funny because there’s a guy called Ryan Owens in the Men’s Team Sprint and I used to race on the same team as his dad, Andrew Owens, when I was a pipsqueak.’
She’s also looking forward to meeting up with her colleagues in the studio.
I’m very self-critical. That’s what motivates me
‘The BBC team is like a family. When I was commentating in Rio I was surrounded by my idols from other sports too, like Denise Lewis and Colin Jackson. It was incredible, and everybody was super-friendly.
‘For Tokyo I’m lucky enough to be working with Radio 5 Live commentator Alistair Bruce-Ball, we’ve done a few championships together and the Glasgow Commonwealth Games.
‘We have such a great rapport and the time just flies when you’re bouncing off each other. It’s such a buzz. But I do remember in Rio looking down at the track and thinking, ‘I’m glad I’ll never feel that pressure again.’
We’re sitting in the cafe of a high-end bike shop that sells the kind of cycles with saddles so sculpted and skinny they look like they could impart some terrible damage to the rider.
As she marvels at these machines, Victoria readily admits she’s not up-to-speed with the technology these days and the bike she’s ridden here today is humble by comparison. That world is very much a part of her, but also very much behind her.
Having dedicated much of her life up to the age of 32 to her sport Victoria, who’s now 40, bowed out of professional cycling after London 2012 when she was the reigning world champion.
The pressure and anxiety were overwhelming on top of the self-sacrifice and the endless quest for physical excellence.
In the end it was what she describes as her ‘fragile psyche’ that overpowered her.
‘I was always full of self-doubt. I’ve never been a particularly self-confident individual and everyone would say, ‘How can you be so good at your sport and not be confident?’ I have such high expectations of myself that it will never ever be enough,’ she says softly.
WHO DARES WINS A NEW MAN!
It was taking part in Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins two years ago that inadvertently led Victoria to her new love, ex-special forces hero Louis Tinsley, 37.
‘The connection was made because one of the instructors on the show, Jason Fox, introduced us through a blind date, and it worked out,’ she reveals.
Victoria met ex-special forces hero Louis Tinsley, 37, (pictured) while taking part in Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins
‘Being outdoors and exercising is really important to me and it’s really nice to have someone to do that with. It’s something I haven’t really had before.
‘I feel like I’m in a good space, I’ve got a lot to look forward to. I probably feel more comfortable with myself than I ever have.
‘If only I could have felt this way at 25, but I think you have to experience night to appreciate day.’
Despite her solid family background, Victoria told the Mail last year that she doesn’t feel she wants to have children. Is that still the case? ‘It’s difficult because I feel there’s an expectation, but I don’t think it’s for me,’ she says.
‘There are too many other adventure sports I want to try.’
‘I’m very self-critical and that’s what motivates me to try harder, because I’d like to do everything better and faster. So you’re always pushing and pushing and pushing yourself.
‘But when you push yourself so relentlessly, and you don’t reward yourself, then it’s easy to get into a bit of a slump if things aren’t going your way. The hardest thing is to take a break, because that’s the last thing you want to do. You always want to do more.’
A break, however, was finally forced upon her when she attempted to climb Everest for the British Red Cross with TV adventurer Ben Fogle in 2018 but had to pull out at 21,000ft, 8,000 short of the summit.
Her failure to reach the top triggered a highly distressing mental deterioration and she was diagnosed with severe depression.
What made it worse was that her marriage to Scott Gardner, whom she met when he was a sports scientist at British Cycling, had just ended and she returned to an empty home.
She was prescribed anti-depressants, beta blockers, tranquillisers and sleeping tablets but she didn’t think they were helping so she ditched them. It was then that she hit rock bottom.
She started to fantasise about taking her own life and there were points when she didn’t want to live to ‘see tomorrow’.
‘Retiring from sport, finding where you fit into the world, is a tough thing to do,’ she says.
‘So when Ben Fogle said, ‘Shall we go up Everest?’ I thought, ‘Yes, yes, yes!’ But unfortunately my acclimatisation wasn’t right and I couldn’t keep pace with the group. I suffered from hypoxia, which is a lack of oxygen to the brain that’s been known to trigger depression and anxiety.
‘So I think it was a culmination of things. I didn’t know where I was going, my divorce, not wanting to settle down. I’d reached my limit, I overflowed.
‘I couldn’t contain it anymore. And the biggest thing is I felt so guilty. I felt, ‘I’m an Olympic champion, I should be able to manage myself’ but my mind said that I couldn’t. It took a long time for me to accept that vulnerability and that it was OK.
‘That I wasn’t failing, it was just something I was struggling with. Yes, it took a while, but then I was lucky to have such supportive friends and family around me. I feel really grateful for that.’
One key friend was Team GB’s cycling psychiatrist Steve Peters, who she credits with saving her life. Thankfully she called him just in time for her twin brother Alex to rush to her home and confiscate the pills she’d been stockpiling for an overdose.
Rather than going to a clinic, Victoria agreed to stay with her mother Pauline in Hertfordshire, and Dr Peters then helped her during her recovery.
‘He’s a legend. He is actually my hero. My physical resilience was good but my mental resilience was weaker so I chose to work with him and I was blown away by his compassion and generosity.
‘I call him Uncle Steve, because I literally love him. He’s like part of the family,’ says Victoria.
Victoria (pictured) said one of the best decisions she’s ever made was taking part in a celebrity series of SAS: Who Dares Wins in 2019
‘He read me like a book on our first meeting and some of the stuff he told me basically made me feel like a child and it really embarrassed me. But he said, ‘The good news is you can fix it.
‘You can do things to make yourself feel better and I can help you do that. If you want to put the work in it will happen for you.’
‘I said, ‘Yes, please. I’m willing to put the work in.’ It doesn’t mean it was always perfect. He was very good at giving me rational ways to think about things that made me feel uncomfortable, like not being able to achieve something.
‘He helped me understand that usually, when you get overwhelmed, your perception might be slightly out.
‘You need to take a step back and actively search for positives, and to be reassured that you have the tools to fix any situation. And if you don’t have the tools, you know someone who does.
I used to feel I had to look and dress a certain way
‘So you’re never alone. It was more to do with my psychology as a human being, rather than sports-related.’
Victoria has bravely spoken openly about her mental health in order to help others.
She famously wrote in her autobiography, Between The Lines, about how she cut herself with nail scissors on the night she won her first Olympic gold at Beijing 2008 following a row with coach Jan van Eijden, who had just found out about her relationship with Scott Gardner.
It was felt to be unprofessional that two members of the team were romantically involved.
‘I think there’s a lot less stigma attached to mental health issues now and I think people are more vocal about their suffering,’ she says.
Victoria (pictured) revealed riding her two retired racehorses every day has played a major therapeutic role in her mental health battles
‘The biggest thing was that I needed to find joy and I think everybody’s responsible for finding their own joy. One thing Steve taught me is that you have to plan stuff for yourself that brings you joy, even if it’s just a small thing like visiting a cake shop.’
Victoria has found salvation in her passion and talent for other hobbies. She fell in love with horses after training as a jockey six years ago, and credits riding out her two retired racehorses every day as playing a major therapeutic role in her mental health battles.
Another boost came when she decided to take herself surfing in Costa Rica and stay with an American banker turned B&B and surf school owner.
‘I was feeling low and I thought, ‘Enough is enough. I need to be proactive about this.’ At the time I’d been surfing for a couple of years on and off and one of my most enjoyable experiences had been in Costa Rica.
‘So I went back and stayed at Monty’s B&B. Even when I was feeling a bit flat he insisted that we went out surfing at 7am. He just pushed me.
‘He understood where I was at and got me being physically active. I needed that time for myself, being in nature. It was magical.’
Victoria being Victoria though, she found room for yet another challenge. Despite warnings from her elder sister Nicola, she agreed to go on a celebrity series of SAS: Who Dares Wins in 2019.
‘My sister said, ‘Don’t be a wally, you’re in recovery. Do you really want to be doing this? It’s psychologically and physically very demanding.’ But I said, ‘I need to do it because this is what the old Victoria would have done.’ It was one of the best decisions I ever made, because I survived, I got to the end of the show. It reassured me that I still had resilience.’
Victoria, who was previously diagnosed with severe depression, credits Team GB’s cycling psychiatrist Steve Peters with saving her life. Pictured: Victoria with psychiatrist Steve Peters
So much so that her family don’t worry about her as much these days.
‘I’m really close to my mum. I’m very lucky to have that relationship with my whole family – we’re very open and very close and I’m very blessed. Mum doesn’t really worry about me because she said it was very hard to know what to do to help when I was lost, but she can see I’m myself again now.’
Further testimony to Victoria shaking off her shackles is the proliferation of tattoos adorning her arms, including a Medusa’s head, a galloping horse and a deer’s skull.
‘I just find I need more, more, more,’ she chuckles. ‘It’s so strange, even the way I’m dressed today. Before, I felt I always had to look and dress a certain way to be accepted.
‘Now I’m wearing the same clothes I wore when I was about 15 – combat trousers and T-shirts. I look like a 14-year-old boy but that’s OK.’
So is there anything the intrepid Victoria Pendleton wouldn’t try?
‘When you talk about fear, the one thing that would scare me is going into space. I don’t ever need to go into space, thank you very much. That’s a step too far.’
LET THE GAMES BEGIN (FINALLY !!!)
It was touch and go whether it would happen at all, but the 32nd Olympics is finally underway in Tokyo, a year late and largely behind closed doors. It’s as sprawling a jamboree as ever, with 33 sports and 339 medal events across 43 venues.
Because Japan is eight hours ahead of us much of the action will be taking place between midnight and 3pm, but there will be a highlights show each evening. As the majority of events will be spectator-less the BBC is considering offering fake crowd noise.
But organisers hope the quality of the competition will keep TV viewers on the edge of their seats, not least on Super Saturday next weekend when there are 21 medal events. Here are some things to look out for…
THE WOODEN STADIUM
This year’s Olympics stadium (pictured) was designed by renowned Japanese architect Kengo Kuma who calls it a ‘living tree’
Designed by renowned Japanese architect Kengo Kuma who calls it a ‘living tree’. It has wooden facades with wood gathered from Japan’s 47 districts, and more than 47,000 trees have been planted around the stadium.
SUPERWOMEN
Rower Helen Glover (pictured), who’s back after having three children, is among the British women aiming to win gold
Four Team GB women are aiming to make Olympic history as the first British women to win gold at three separate Olympic Games. Cyclist Laura Kenny, rower Helen Glover (who’s back after having three children), equestrian star Charlotte Dujardin and taekwondo champion Jade Jones.
THE BEST EVER?
Forget Sir Steve Redgrave and Sir Chris Hoy, husband and wife Jason and Laura Kenny could become Britain’s most successful Olympians of all time. Jason already has six golds from Beijing, London and Rio.
He then retired but changed his mind after missing cycling so much and now needs just one more to go ahead of Sir Chris Hoy, while Laura has four golds and could finish with seven.
GOING FOR GOLD
There are high hopes for athletes including swimmer Adam Peaty (pictured) to get gold medals in the Tokyo games
Team GB came third in the medal table at London 2012 with 65 medals including 29 golds. They went one better at Rio 2016, finishing second with 67 medals including 27 golds. There are high hopes this year for sprinter Dina Asher-Smith, 1,500m runner Laura Muir, swimmer Adam Peaty, diver Tom Daley and sailor Giles Scott.
SKY’S THE LIMIT
Sky Brown, 13, (pictured), who is a Team GB skateboarder, will be the youngest British Olympian ever
Look out for Team GB skateboarder Sky Brown, who at 13 will be the youngest British Olympian ever (although she won’t be the youngest competitor at these games, Syrian table tennis player Hend Zaza is 12). Sky will hope to beat the bronze she won at the 2019 World Championships.
FIVE NEW SPORTS NOT TO MISS
Sport climbing (pictured) is among the new events taking place in the Tokyo games this month
Karate has its origins in Japan and will be in two forms – kata, a solo discipline judged on choreographed movements, and kumite, when athletes go head to head.
Skateboarding and surfing will make their debut, and baseball and softball have been brought back after they last appeared at the 2008 Olympics.
The final new event is sport climbing, which has three disciplines including speed and bouldering.
Victoria will be on BBC1 and BBC Radio 5 Live throughout the Olympics. For confidential support, call the Samaritans on 116123 or visit samaritans.org.