What should you learn from your ex? Girlfriends spill on their last relationships and learnings

Women have come together to share their key takeaways from failed relationships – and the red flags you should look out for in the beginning.

Difficult relationships can cause serious mental and emotional damage, and it is hard to know when to let go.

A few key encouraged women to listen to their gut, investigate the true reasons they stay in subpar relationships, and set boundaries early on.

Women were also urged to be good, kind, and supportive to themselves and each other – especially when they make a mistake.

‘What’s a lesson you’ve learnt from a past relationship to never repeat in your future relationships?’ a Redditor asked in a popular forum.

Answers came flooding in, with one demanding other people pay attention to the little things they notice early on in relationships. 

‘There are some things I thought I could and should put up with in the name of compromise, but I hadn’t learned where to draw the line between compromising some of my own comfort and sacrificing my mental well-being.’ 

Some of the ‘little things’ included personal hygiene, food habits, everyday quirks, and a partner’s friend group. 

A lot of people stay in relationships for longer because they haven’t experienced a ‘big’ wrongdoing that justifies a breakup. 

‘Bottom line for me: it’s okay to leave a relationship if you’re not happy, and that doesn’t have to mean just big-ticket betrayals. Sometimes people just aren’t compatible.’

Some were faced with indecisive men who lacked basic respect for their partners. 

‘[You should have] enough self respect to drop him as soon as he shows an unwillingness to commit, or is disrespectful to you and outright unapologetic about it.

‘A lot of people say this – but if he wanted to, he would. Don’t make excuses for him, don’t give him the benefit of the doubt.’

‘A man will do anything to be with the woman he desires. If you aren’t a priority to him, you will know it.’

A woman shared a horror story that saw her ex-boyfriend watch adult movies right in front of her. 

‘I’d say to define boundaries early on,’ she said. ‘I didn’t mind watching adult movies together or alone, but my ex would watch them even when I was in the room [and not participating].’

Women were also encouraged not to be with someone because they were scared of being alone. 

‘Don’t stay with someone out of pity or fear to be alone,’ one warned. ‘It never ends well.’

‘Being in a convenient relationship is not the same as being in a good relationship.’ 

Women also stated that they would never again date someone whose political views didn’t align with them, as it’s a ‘dealbreaker’ – especially in terms of future debates over how to raise their children.

‘I dated someone who didn’t share my political views or respect my sexuality once, it was horrible.’ 

‘Personal politics says a lot about how someone views the world and important issues.’ 

Women were also urged to be good, kind, and supportive to themselves and each other – especially when they make a mistake

Some lessons asked people to focus on themselves and put their wellbeing above all else.

‘I learned to always advocate for myself – I don’t want to lose myself and forget my needs to accomodate another person ever again.’

‘It’s okay to put your needs over your partner’s, especially when the relationship is new. If they aren’t being fulfilled, that is unlikely to change with time.’

A few men disagreed with a particular lesson. 

‘People saying ‘if he wanted to, he would’ is such bull sh*t. No one is a mind reader, they don’t always understand what your expectations are, and you can reach out just as easily as he can.’ 

‘If you reach out multiple times and it doesn’t go anywhere, different story. But stop expecting men to bend over backwards to try and guess what they need to do to please you.’