What the Married At First Sight pairs have taught us

Over the past few weeks, Australians have watched the Married At First Sight couples endure explosive arguments, awkward dinner parties and romantic getaways. 

And while many see the relationships as nothing but entertaining television, FEMAIL’s relationship expert and millionaire matchmaker, Louanne Ward, says there are lessons all couples can learn from each of the TV pairings.      

‘Nobody really knows what goes on behind closed doors, but from what we have seen on and off the camera on this season of Married at First Sight, I think we are best served not knowing what goes on behind closed doors,’ she said. 

‘But what can we take from what we know?

While many see the relationships as nothing but entertaining television, FEMAIL’s relationship expert, Louanne Ward , says there are lessons all couples can learn from the pairings

‘For all the romantics out there who actually believe in love and have faith that there is someone out there for them and for anyone who has an interest in human behaviour and reality TV in general, its’ a no-brainer that MAFS is hard to pass by. 

‘So let’s look at the social experiment and without judging from the outside – can we actually learn something by watching and witnessing events that unfold? Sure, some of the events are so drama-filled and designed as rating winners, yet given what we see and purely what we see, what can we learn?

‘My observations and advice for the couples and for anyone who may perceive similarities to any of them in their own relationships, are as follows.’

JUSTIN AND CARLY: COMMUNICATE YOUR VALUES  

‘I don’t think there is a viewer who can’t relate to Carly’s frustration. Justin is his own worst enemy and a complete repeat offender,’ Louanne said. 

‘His admission of how his marriage failed due to his physical and emotional absence rears its ugly head once again.’

Louanne said that from what we have seen, Justin is ‘completely fixated on his desire for success and self-importance’. 

'I don't think there is a viewer who can't relate to Carly's frustration. Justin is his own worst enemy and a complete repeat offender,' Louanne said

‘I don’t think there is a viewer who can’t relate to Carly’s frustration. Justin is his own worst enemy and a complete repeat offender,’ Louanne said

‘The conversations are all about business, him, him or him! Being in a relationship with a successful man takes a certain type of woman and no, she doesn’t have to be a doormat,’ she said.

‘Carly could get so much more out of Justin by understanding his values and communicating her needs around his. She is strong and smart and expects a fair exchange of at least some form of affection. Justin however is acting on his highest value of business and finance. 

‘If she could tap into his mind more about business rather than see it as the enemy, she’d get way more from him. It’s all about communicating each other’s values and understanding how to work a relationship so both parties get their values served.’

'Carly could get so much more out of Justin by understanding his values and communicating her needs around his,' she said 

‘Carly could get so much more out of Justin by understanding his values and communicating her needs around his,’ she said 

DEAN AND TRACEY: CHALLENGES CAN BRING YOU CLOSER

‘There is no easy path to love and this couple are a testament to that,’ Louanne said. 

‘Ignoring the media hype, drama and other contestants judgements, Tracey and Dean have experienced a real life relationship issue which happens to many couples and those who have been in similar situations will have a strong opinion on the matter and outcome. 

‘However, from a completely unbiased point of view, as a Relationship Coach, I can see just as many advantages to the disadvantages regarding the chain of events.’

'There is no easy path to love and this couple are a testament to that,' Louanne said

‘There is no easy path to love and this couple are a testament to that,’ Louanne said

Louanne said often an emotionally challenging event can bring a couple closer. 

‘Dean and Tracey have reached a different level within their relationship because of the events. If the situation hadn’t have happened with Davina, he would have said “leave” the next week, leaving Tracey even more confused and rejected,’ she said.

‘The aftermath of infidelity continues to creep up on us, and we continually punish the offender whenever we feel insecure. The future of this relationship relies on two things – Dean’s ability to be committed and keep his lustful desires in check and Tracey’s ability not to continue to seek retribution for the past.’

'Dean and Tracey have reached a different level within their relationship because of the events,' Louanne said

‘Dean and Tracey have reached a different level within their relationship because of the events,’ Louanne said

TROY AND ASHLEY: MEN NEED TO FEEL VALIDATED 

‘I can sum up this relationship in five words: Take. A. Chill. Pill. Ashley,’ Louanne said.

‘Yes we know, Troy and men in general can be annoying, they do s**t we don’t do, they are kind of clueless to what we need but you don’t need to keep reminding him of how inadequate he is.

‘No person should have to modify themselves to the extent Ashley requires of Troy. Sure, you must be prepared to give and take to modify a little but to look down on your partner, criticise them in front of others and always be focusing on the negatives, all you will ever achieve in a relationship is negativity and frustration.

‘Men need compliments too – they need to feel validated and appreciated. Both Ashley and Troy need some self-awareness but Ashley needs to gain control of her White Horse Syndrome and stop expecting Prince Charming to gallop in and do exactly as she requires.’

'I can sum up this relationship in five words: Take. A. Chill. Pill. Ashley,' Louanne said

‘I can sum up this relationship in five words: Take. A. Chill. Pill. Ashley,’ Louanne said

'Men need compliments too - they need to feel validated and appreciated,' she said 

‘Men need compliments too – they need to feel validated and appreciated,’ she said 

TELV AND SARAH: DON’T PLACE YOUR PARTNER ON A PEDESTAL 

‘I just love watching this couple together. They speak about each other nicely, have a great blend of mutual affection and attraction, they compliment and support each other and Telv is respectful and places Sarah on a pedestal,’ Louanne said. 

‘From the outside looking in, all looks fabulous and the likelihood of this couple going all the way past the final ceremony is a bookie’s dream. However, as time progresses, the pedestal Telv has Sarah on will start to cause resentment. 

‘He clearly adores Sarah and she him, but he looks up to her, always attentive, always looking out for her best interests. It doesn’t seem like a problem now, but over time whenever we are looking up at someone, we are putting ourselves below them.

‘Telv will risk undermining his needs if he continues to place Sarah on this pedestal and it will cause resentment later down the track in their relationship. However, overall, what a beautiful start to what could be a lasting relationship!’

'I just love watching this couple together. They speak about each other nicely, have a great blend of mutual affection and attraction,' Louanne said 

‘I just love watching this couple together. They speak about each other nicely, have a great blend of mutual affection and attraction,’ Louanne said 

'Telv will risk undermining his needs if he continues to place Sarah on this pedestal and it will cause resentment later down the track,' she added

‘Telv will risk undermining his needs if he continues to place Sarah on this pedestal and it will cause resentment later down the track,’ she added

NASSER AND GAB: LET YOUR PARTNER MOVE AT THEIR OWN PACE 

‘These guys make me smile – so much potential for a relationship on the surface yet there is definitely an element of concern,’ Louanne said. 

‘While Nasser is attentive and verbal in his expression, and his words of affirmation are clearly his love language, Gab is struggling to understand the lack of intimacy and affection.

‘Each person moves at their own pace within a relationship, so it’s wise to allow the ebbs and flows of fluctuating feelings. Men often set the pace and are full on to begin with, the woman follows his lead then becomes confused when he pulls back. 

‘Men sometimes need to retreat to the Man Cave to regroup before things get serious. It’s wise to understand it’s normal for shifts to take place – give each other time to catch up and don’t compare your relationship to what others have.

‘If Gab allows her insecurities to get the better of her right now, she will grow more frustrated. It’s best not expect more than what Nasser has to give at the pace in which he is comfortable.’

'These guys make me smile - so much potential for a relationship on the surface yet there is definitely an element of concern,' Louanne said

‘These guys make me smile – so much potential for a relationship on the surface yet there is definitely an element of concern,’ Louanne said

'If Gab allows her insecurities to get the better of her right now, she will grow more frustrated,' she said 

‘If Gab allows her insecurities to get the better of her right now, she will grow more frustrated,’ she said 

PATRICK AND CHARLENE: DON’T BECOME COMPETITIVE WITH YOUR PARTNER

‘It’s actually quite a delight to watch the budding romance unfold. Nobody can predict chemistry but this match makes sense,’ Louanne said. 

‘They are in such a good place and building a great foundation. Charlene is such a bright, intelligent and capable woman who lights up a room and Patrick is a caring, compassionate guy who has a sense of fun which is appealing to Charlene.

‘What this couple has to be mindful of moving forward, is that their relationship doesn’t become competitive.

‘Charlene doesn’t like to lose and pushes her man to be more Alpha and keep up with her. 

‘Ultimately, men like to be challenged but don’t respond well in the long-term to being continually competed with. Be mindful of making sure there is a place in which your man feels he brings equal value and is needed in your world.’

'It's actually quite a delight to watch the budding romance unfold. Nobody can predict chemistry but this match makes sense,' Louanne said

‘It’s actually quite a delight to watch the budding romance unfold. Nobody can predict chemistry but this match makes sense,’ Louanne said

'Charlene doesn't like to lose and pushes her man to be more Alpha and keep up with her,' she said 

‘Charlene doesn’t like to lose and pushes her man to be more Alpha and keep up with her,’ she said 

SEAN AND BLAIR: YOU CAN’T FORCE ROMANCE  

‘I love that these guys tried but really from the first moment they met, it was evident there was nothing there, even though the idea it could work was attractive,’ Louanne said. 

‘They just didn’t bring out the best in each other – nor the worst for that matter. 

‘There just wasn’t the spark of physical or mental connection enough to even build on. The match made sense, unlike Jo and Sean, but it was just a case of them unable to form a connection. I would be surprised to see them last another week.’

'I love that these guys tried but really from the first moment they met, it was evident there was nothing there, even though the idea it could work was attractive,' Louanne said

‘I love that these guys tried but really from the first moment they met, it was evident there was nothing there, even though the idea it could work was attractive,’ Louanne said

'They just didn't bring out the best in each other - nor the worst for that matter,' she said 

‘They just didn’t bring out the best in each other – nor the worst for that matter,’ she said 

RYAN AND DAVINA : OPPOSITES DON’T ALWAYS ATTRACT

‘With or without the infidelity situation, Ryan and Davina had no chance of working,’ Louanne said. 

‘Davina has pitched herself as the overdog and him as the underdog, always looking down on him. While Ryan took it in his stride, it was hard to look on without grimacing.

‘As a matchmaker, there is merit in opposites attracting, but the opposites need to be a set of complementary opposites in values. 

‘The lifestyles of Ryan and Davina and future goals were too polar opposite to even get off the ground. 

‘He is the salt of the earth, what you see is what you get, accepting no nonsense and his word is his sword. Davina never saw anywhere near the sophistication and charisma she believes is necessary to win her heart.’

'With or without the infidelity situation, Ryan and Davina had no chance of working,' Louanne said

‘With or without the infidelity situation, Ryan and Davina had no chance of working,’ Louanne said

'As a matchmaker, there is merit in opposites attracting, but the opposites need to be a set of complementary opposites in values,' she said 

‘As a matchmaker, there is merit in opposites attracting, but the opposites need to be a set of complementary opposites in values,’ she said 

JOHN AND MEL: TAKE YOUR PARTNER’S COMMENTS ON BOARD 

‘I love love love that Mel says something in passing comment – not necessarily negative, but John listens and takes it on board,’ Louanne said. 

‘He then works on understanding Melissa’s needs and delivers, which in turn, sees her heart become more open and more invested. 

‘They are both being themselves and putting their best foot forward without being fake or over-promising.

‘You have to love the romance of a more mature couple who understands the value in a respectful relationship. Youth is sometimes so wasted on the young!’

'I love love love that Mel says something in passing comment - not necessarily negative, but John listens and takes it on board,' Louanne said

‘I love love love that Mel says something in passing comment – not necessarily negative, but John listens and takes it on board,’ Louanne said

'They are both being themselves and putting their best foot forward without being fake or over-promising,' she said 

‘They are both being themselves and putting their best foot forward without being fake or over-promising,’ she said 



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