Mother admits she’s ‘gutted’ after her ‘unromantic’ fiancé told her he ‘no longer sees the point’ of getting married – and is advised to leave him because she’s ‘given away all her bargaining chips’
- Woman, who lives in the UK, is upset that her partner doesn’t want to get married
- Posting on Mumsnet, explained they have a mortgage and a child together
- Responses urged the woman to change child’s surname to be the same as hers
A woman has been advised to change her child’s surname and protect herself legally after her fiancé admitted that he no longer wants to get married.
Posting on UK-based forum Mumsnet, the woman explained that she feels ‘gutted’ after her partner admitted he no longer ‘sees the point’ of exchanging vows – after initially giving her an engagement ring without a proper proposal.
Admitting she felt ‘sad’ that he doesn’t want to marry, she told him she’d like to share the same surname as her partner and child, but he suggested changing it by deed poll.
Many responses to the post told the woman she should have got married before having a child and living together because she no longer has ‘anything to bargain with’.
Others speculated that he doesn’t see her as a ‘forever’ partner and advised her to secure her financial future.
A woman has sparked a debate about what to do if your partner no longer wants to get married after having a child together (file image)
Posting on Mumsnet, the woman explained her husband isn’t romantic and ‘doesn’t see the point’ of getting married
The woman vented her disappointment, saying: ‘We have a child together, we have a mortgage together and we are technically engaged, although he never properly proposed to me, just gave me the ring in the kitchen…very romantic
‘He’s (by his own admission) not romantic at all and doesn’t like weddings, fuss, any sort of celebration or attention on him.
‘He told me today he doesn’t think he wants to get married and doesn’t see the point. I must admit I feel quite gutted and when I said I’d like all three of us to have the same surname, he said I could change it by deed poll if I wanted to. Am I right to feel sad about this?’
A flood of responses told the woman she’s left it too late to convince her partner to get married and advised her to change their child’s surname.
One person wrote: ‘You’ve given all your bargaining chips away. Does he realise it puts you in a s*** position legally? He doesn’t see you as forever.’
Another said: ‘You should have had this discussion before moving in together. Some people (male or female) just don’t want marriage but are happy co-habitating. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t see you as a life partner.’
A flood of responses to the thread told the woman she should’ve discussed getting married before buying a house and having a child with her partner
A third added: ‘You lost the poker game. He’s tricked you and now you have almost no bargaining power. Your last bargaining chip is only your emotional labour. So tell him you’re moving out and withdrawing your emotional and physical labour. Not interested in washing his pants or raising his children or listening to his s*** if he can’t commit to you.’
Others shared similar opinions that the woman should consider ending her relationship, while some encouraged her to explore her partner’s reasons for not wanting to get married and suggested having a small ceremony.
‘At least he has told you and not dragged it on for 20+ years like some others on here recently. You have a chance to start again and I would suggest you take it. I would clarify why he doesn’t want to get married – is it the ‘wedding’ or the ‘marriage’ he doesn’t want? If it is the latter I’m afraid he doesn’t see you as the one or the forever. This is especially true as he was willing to marry previously – something has changed,’ one wrote.
Another said: ‘He may not see the point of getting married, but that will be because he will be better off if you split. As to name change, no issues. Tell him you are changing your child’s surname to yours by deed poll.’
Tackling the issue of the wedding, the commenter went on: ‘I guess it depends how important it is to you. It would be to me, but if it’s because he doesn’t like the attention etc. then could you compromise by a register office wedding with two witnesses. Then perhaps a party afterwards?’
Other responses told the woman to consider leaving her partner, if she can’t convince him to have at least a small ceremony