A woman was told to break up with her ‘clever and kind’ boyfriend over his size after she revealed he is extremely obese and struggled to have sex the first time they tried.
The British woman, in her mid-30s, took to parenting forum Mumsnet to explain he is a ‘really great guy’ but that he has several minor health conditions and his weight affected the ‘mechanics of sex’.
She added he appeared to have ‘buried penis syndrome’, a medical condition in which skin and fat obscure a normal sized penis, making it appear smaller or less visible.
As she wants to have children in the future with a partner who is taking care of their health, she wondered if it was unfair to continue dating him hoping he will change.
Responses to the post were divided, with some advising her to end the relationship due to her dreams of becoming a mother, while others argued obesity shouldn’t be a deal breaker.
An anonymous woman, from the UK, has sparked a debate about having a relationship with a partner who is unable to have physical intimacy because of their weight (file image)
Posting on Mumsnet, the woman explained that she was unable to have sex with her partner, who has lots of minor illnesses, because his weight made it a struggle
In the initial post, the woman explained that she had been dating for a while in the hopes of finding a partner to have children with – but couldn’t deny the ‘real chemistry’ she had with her current partner.
While she described him as ‘incredibly clever, kind, accomplished, interesting, warm and sexy,’ she went on to say how he is ‘not just a few stones over’ his BMI range.
The woman in question went on to say how his weight, which she didn’t reveal, plus his minor illnesses, have affected the ‘mechanics of sex.’
She continued: ‘We had difficulty doing it and didn’t in the end. That may be what made me realise this could be an issue, I think.
‘This is absolutely nothing to do with attraction, I think he is gorgeous and I am absolutely not a fat-basher. I have had plenty of weight struggles of my own linked to medication and was a size 18-20 at one point. I still have some to lose.’
She made clear she’s ‘not looking for a gym honed type’ but is worried about mobility, adding: ‘It would just be ideal if he was a healthier weight as I have the long term in mind and I don’t know if it’s fair to keep seeing him with that in mind.’
The woman penned a series of follow-up posts revealing that her partner seems to have buried penis syndrome
Many responses to the post advised the woman not to continue the relationship and argued her partner should focus on trying to lose the excess weight instead of dating.
‘If he’s so obese he is incapable of having sex then it’s a non starter really,’ wrote one. ‘He will know it’s his weight which causes his inability to have sex and yet he’s not mentioned anything to do with wanting to lose weight or anything…’
They went on to advise that there’s ‘no easy way to bring it up’ so suggested telling him the relationship ‘isn’t really working.’
Another similarly commented: ‘I’m astonished he is dating and not taking the time to take care of himself and sort his s*** out. Why is he waiting for someone else to solve his problems? He is significantly overweight why? Has he also got mental health issues?
‘We all have health niggles as we get older – but this is something else – it’s affecting his ability to have a love/sex life and he doesn’t seem to be bothered by that?’
A third added: ‘I would definitely not like a man who is very overweight and has not tried to lose the weight at all, and who should know that this is probably going to cause lots of problems in the future, such as health problems and with sex and movement etc. ‘
A stream of responses to the post advised the woman to end the relationship (pictured)
However, others advised the woman to give the relationship more time – adding that the issue with her partner’s weight may not be permanent.
‘I don’t agree with everyone saying to cut your losses at this stage,’ wrote one. ‘You’re still at the very early stages. You have no way of knowing if this is a permanent situation or, as you say, linked to his recent tough times.
‘He may have slipped into unhealthy habits that could be easily broken. You say that you still have a bit to lose, so maybe (if this ends up being more serious) you could both adopt a healthier lifestyle – going for long walks, eating healthily etc.’
The person went on to advise the woman to give it more time and see how it develops because he seems ‘otherwise perfect’ – adding it would be a shame to not ‘give it a chance.’
Another penned: ‘I think you’re overthinking it. Just take it a week at a time and see how your relationship progresses. If you like someone, you like them and that’s the important thing. I’d go with the flow and enjoy it!
A man’s size is neither here nor there to me… in fact I do love a big bear of a man.’
Others told the woman that she should see how the relationship goes because her partner’s weight issues might go away