‘My husband’s affair saved our marriage’: Wife claims her spouse cheating at a buck’s party made their relationship BETTER
- A woman has revealed her husband’s infidelity helped save their marriage
- She says the pair had been together since meeting as teens at high school
- The discovery her husband had had a one night stand came as a terrible shock
- With the help of therapy, the couple have reunited and are stronger than ever
A woman from Sydney has revealed how the discovery of her husband’s infidelity ultimately became a turning point in the pair’s once ‘stale’ marriage.
Caroline*, 37, said she’d met her husband Ben* when the pair were in high school – and they’d been together ever since.
Their relationship appeared solid from the start; they’d bought an apartment at 25, married at 26 then had their first child, a son, just a year later.
‘Then I found out through a girlfriend of one of the guys on the trip that Ben had slept with a woman on a mate’s buck’s weekend in Byron Bay,’ Caroline told Whimn.
A woman has revealed how her husband’s infidelity help save the couple’s once ‘stale’ marriage (stock image)
It was a revelation that completely ‘blew up’ Caroline’s world, forcing her to confront Ben, who made no effort to deny the shocking claim.
In the aftermath, Caroline said Ben revealed his drunken night of intimacy had ‘meant nothing’, a declaration that did little to soothe hurt feelings.
‘After begging for forgiveness, Ben told me he’d been frustrated by the lack of sex and when the opportunity came along, he’d drunkenly taken it.’
She said her only recourse was to ask Ben to leave, which he did, moving to a nearby suburb to make it easier for the pair to share custody of their son.
Now faced with the prospect of being single for the first time in her life, Caroline said at the encouragement of friends, she started online dating.
Over the course of the eight months she was separated, she dated several other men, an experience that enabled her to rediscover long-buried feelings of sexuality.
However, she said it was undeniable that Ben was the man she truly loved.
What causes relationships to fail?
A relationship can have many downfalls but ‘marriages often die more by ice than by fire’ says relationship expert Dr Michael McNulty.
Couples drift apart and this often leads to break-ups.
The first steps that lead to couples drifting apart in a break-up can be broken down as follows:
Stage one: More negativity than positivity seeps into the relationship.
Stage two: The four horsemen of the apocalypse – Contempt, criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling all contribute to a poisonous relationship.
Stage three: Flooding – The stage where anger starts coming out in the relationship and the partners become highly emotional.
Stage four: Emotional disengagement – After the vast amount of emotional unrest before this is where the relationships becomes stale, with both parties checking out already.
When the pair started secretly seeing each other again Caroline recalled sex as being ‘the sort of passionate sex you read about’ – full of emotion, love, anger, hate.
Shortly after, the question of the couple reuniting was raised, a dilemma prompting Caroline to seek the help of psychotherapist.
Soon after, Ben also started attending sessions, something which allowed the couple to openly share secrets that had previously held them back.
Now happily reunited, Caroline said therapy allowed the couple to develop the skills needed to communicate openly and honestly (stock image)
Caroline said she admitted to kissing a guy she’d previously worked with while Ben told her he had started to feel as if she’d taken his presence for granted.
The honesty of the sessions paved the way for the couple to believe there was a chance to rebuild their relationship more openly.
While getting back together wasn’t easy, Caroline said ongoing therapy helped because it allowed to develop the skills they needed to communicate honestly.
‘Now seven years on, our second child, a daughter is already four, it feels as if our break up was a blip of the radar of a life-long commitment,’ she said.
*Names have been changed