A woman who says a sex change from female to male 17 years ago was her ‘greatest mistake’ claims medical professionals should have spotted that she was not really transgender, and that she was seeking surgery for the wrong reasons.
Debbie Karemer, 61, from Hemel Hempstead, Hertfordshire, struggled with her sexual identity for years and asked for gender reassignment aged 44, before living as a man for 17 years.
But after years of counselling she finally realised she wasn’t transgender and is now living as a woman again, while awaiting surgery to reverse the reassignment.
Debbie now believes that rather than being transgender, she was in fact suffering with complex PTSD as a result of sexual abuse.
She currently feels like a woman ‘trapped in an approximation of a male body’, and claims that other transgender people she knows regret their surgery, but are not brave enough to be honest about it.
Debbie Karemer, 61, from Hemel Hempstead, has revealed how extreme self loathing led her to consider cutting off her breasts with scissors before she underwent a gender transition to become a man (pictured, before her transition)
She transitioned a female to a male in 2002 and completed the process in 2013 but now completely regrets the decision (pictured, living as Lee Harries after her transition)
Debbie said she was sexually abused by her estranged father – now deceased – when she was a teenager.
She struggled with her sexual identity for years, even developing objectum sexuality – sexual attraction to objects like a white Fender Stratocaster and a fishing rod.
She said: ‘Looking back it was just a way of coping with the trauma.’
Debbie then married her one and only long-term friend Alan in December 1997.
Debbie is now living as a woman again, and said she is now transgender, but actually suffers from a complex PTSD after years of sexual abuse as a teenager
Debbie, who was born female, said she was sexually abused by her estranged father during her childhood (pictured as a baby)
The self loathing became so extreme she almost cut off her breasts with a pair of kitchen scissors.
She first heard of transgender and gender reassignment surgery in 2002 while watching an episode of chat show programme Kilroy.
She said: ‘The programme was introduced as a “special” where transgender men and women were on.
‘At the time it was a state of mind no body really spoke about. I remember seeing them on the TV and thinking, “That’s me”.’
The 61-year-old said she struggled with extreme self-loathing after suffering from sexual abuse during her teenage years (pictured as a child)
She explained: ‘I suppose they seemed confident in themselves and seemed accepted. That’s all I wanted.
‘I had spent years feeling I couldn’t live in my own body and hating every single moment.’
She added: ‘Suddenly I saw the answer on Kilroy. It felt like the only answer. It felt like the only way forward.’
Later that week Debbie researched transitioning online and discovered a local female to male support group in Camden, London.
There she was given the number of a leading private psychiatrist specialising in gender identity disorder.
Later that week she booked an appointment with a private psychiatrist and was given a two-week course of testosterone to start the very next day, she said.
Just three months later, Debbie underwent a private double bi-lateral mastectomy and changed her name to Lee.
Having lived off benefits since leaving his factory job, Alan paid for the initial consultation and double bilateral mastectomy costing £3,500.
In November 2004 Debbie had her uterus, ovaries and fallopian tubes removed, and a Metoidioplasty – the beginning of surgery to create a penis.
In 2005 she had prosthetic testicles created and in 2008 she had her vagina removed, and a few months later surgeons created a penis using fat and skin from his arm.
In May 2010 excess breast tissue was removed and in April 2013, more surgery was performed on her testicles.
All but the first op – the mastectomy – was performed by private hospitals paid for by the NHS, she said.
Debbie struggled with her sexual identity for years before marrying her one and only long-term friend Alan in December 1997 (pictured)
She said she had some counselling sessions before one of the ops – but that the funding had already been agreed and it was a ‘box ticking exercise’.
She said: ‘At the time it felt like the right thing to do and I was really glad it was happening.’
‘I remember when I started waking up in the morning and seeing stubble on my face, thinking, “This is the start of a new life’ and I’m no longer this traumatised girl”.’
She continued: ‘I wanted to start this life as a new man, so I enlisted myself on a computer course.’
She said she struggled with extreme self loathing and, at one stage, considered cutting off her breasts with scissors
With hindsight, the first step towards Debbie’s realisation that she wasn’t transgender was when she approached the police in 2012, to report the abuse at the hands of her father.
Prompted by the Jimmy Saville scandal, she gave statements but her father died from emphysema in 2013, before she could be charged.
Debbie had sought the help of a private counsellor in 2009.
She thought her feelings about her body might stem from transitioning ‘too late’ but after four years, in 2013 – after her final op – she realised her ‘mistake’.
‘She started to mention the words “childhood trauma” and it fell into place,’ she said.
‘It became apparent that transitioning was a big mistake. The session where I realised this was so bad that I had a complete break down and panic attack, because I realised it was a huge mistake.
She went on: ‘It should never have happened. It was a big wake up call.’
‘I was traumatised by what had happened in my life and it was misdiagnosed as being transgender.
Debbie began transitioning in 2002 and said at the time living as a man felt like ‘the right thing to do ‘ (pictured, when she was living as Lee)
The 61-year-old said seeing stubble on her face made her think she was ‘no longer a traumatised girl’
Debbie revealed: ‘I was vulnerable, I just thought that if I wasn’t a girl my life would be different, I would be different, I would be accepted and that would be it.
‘I thought that becoming a man would make me worthy and I would become a different person.’
She said: ‘Looking back now, I realise that it was simply a feeling that if I didn’t have a vagina, I couldn’t be raped.’
‘But I’m not a man, I am an approximation of a man.’
Debbie said she started to realise she’d made ‘a mistake’ when she approached the police in 2012 to report her father’s abuse (pictured, last year with husband Alan)
She’s now back to identifying as Debbie – dressing in women’s clothing – and is on the NHS waiting list for an operation to reverse the re-assignment.
Six weeks ago she started taking oestrogen and is now being seen by specialists at an NHS gender identity clinic, but says they are not too sure how to help.
Debbie stopped taking testosterone in February this year and has had to wait nine months for it to completely leave her system.
Debbie now believes she was ‘vulnerable’ and thought ‘if I didn’t have a vagina, I couldn’t be raped’ (pictured during the transition process)
She believes she should never have been allowed to transition and is seeking support from The Detransition Advocacy Network on the next steps.
She’s speaking out on the ‘taboo’ subject of surgery regret – gender reassignment reversal – to encourage others to seek talking therapy before surgery.
Debbie said: ‘I look in the mirror through the eyes of that terrified 15-year-old girl and see this funny little man staring back at me.
‘I’m a woman, I’m still Debbie. But now I’ve got no hair. I’ve got a beard and I’ve had all my body mutilated.
Debbie now believes she is not a man, but is an ‘approximation of a man’ and believes her body has been ‘mutilated’ from surgeries
‘I wish I could turn back the clock and just have the foresight of what the nightmare the next 15 years would be.
She said: ‘I’m a woman, I’m not meant to be a bloke. I’m trapped. I feel completely “mutilated”. It’s a complete mess – where do you even start? I just regret the decision.’
‘There is this myth that when an individual “changes gender” they go into hospital one gender and come out “all done”.
‘That isn’t the case, there are years of surgeries and hormones for the rest of your life.
Debbie said she thought that being a man would ‘make me worthy and I would become a different person’ but said transitioning has left her living a nightmare
‘I know things are a lot better than they were when I had my surgeries, but there is a big lack of talking therapies.
‘I should have been helped. I’m sure a lot of transgender men feel the same too but I’m the only one honest and brave one to come out and say it.’
Debbie explained: ‘I completely missed out on being a woman. I denied my body the chance to go through the menopause.’
‘I wish I could wake up as Debbie and realise that the last 15 years were just a bad nightmare.’
The 61-year-old believes she should never have been allowed to transition, and questions why she didn’t undergo further psychiatric testing
Debbie primarily blames her father for what has happened to her, saying: ‘What should have happened differently? Having a different upbringing.’
‘But I think that the psychiatrist should have picked up on the fact that I was abused.’
She said: ‘I should have had help somewhere along the line. I can’t fathom the huge increase in gender reassignment surgery. There is a huge lack of talking therapies, and that’s a problem.’
‘I know a couple of trans men from when I was going through it, and I know they were doing it for the same reasons as me.’
Debbie is now living as a woman again, and says she wishes she could ‘turn back the clock’ to stop the ‘nightmare’ (pictured now)
She said she ‘misses living as the old Debbie’ and feels she is ‘a different creature on the outside’ to who she is within (pictured now)
She said: ‘Trans men and women come out of hospital saying everything is great – but that’s not always the case. If they are doing it for the right reasons then that’s fair, but nobody is honest when it goes wrong.’
‘On the inside I’m just not me. I’m a different creature on the outside. Inside I am still that young girl calling out, but I miss looking in the mirror and seeing my feminine self.
‘The thing I dream and long to do is to go out for a meal. But most of all I just miss the old Debbie.’