Woman who waited to have sex until her wedding day discovers she has vaginismus

A woman who waited for her wedding day before having sex for the first time has revealed her horror at discovering she suffered from a condition that made intercourse agonizingly painful.   

Social worker Stephanie Muller, 23, from New York, grew up in a Christian household and made the decision to save herself until marriage.      

In 2013, she met her now-husband, Andrew, 31, and began dating him in 2015. But the couple did not discover her problem until they set off on their honeymoon. 

Her decision: Stephanie Muller, 23, from New York decided to wait to have sex until marriage

Her love: She met her husband, Andrew, 31, in 2013 and the couple married in 2017

Her love: She met her husband, Andrew, 31, in 2013 and the couple married in 2017

Upsetting: They had difficult having sex on their honeymoon, and Stephanie later discovered she suffered from vaginismus

Upsetting: They had difficult having sex on their honeymoon, and Stephanie later discovered she suffered from vaginismus

Upsetting: They had difficult having sex on their honeymoon, and Stephanie later discovered she suffered from vaginismus

Frustrating: Her condition is an involuntary contraction of the muscles around the vagina and can make it painful to have sex

Frustrating: Her condition is an involuntary contraction of the muscles around the vagina and can make it painful to have sex

Two years into their relationship, the pair got married in May 2017 and planned to have sex on their honeymoon, which would have been Stephanie’s first time. 

What is vaginismus?  

Vaginismus is the involuntary contraction of the muscles surrounding the vagina. 

This can happen at random intervals or during sex. 

The exact number of women who suffer from the condition is unknown due to patients feeling too embarrassed to tell their doctor. 

It can start for women in their late teens and 20s when they start using tampons or have sexual intercourse. 

The condition, which is thought to be psychological, can also have physical conditions contribute to it like past sexual abuse or trauma. 

Vaginismus is typically treated with Kegal exercises to strengthen and relax the pelvic floor as well as counseling. 

Source: Cleveland Clinic 

‘Early on during our honeymoon, we were having difficulty with penetration but figured it would just take time to get more comfortable,’ Stephanie told The Sun. 

‘But then I got a yeast infection and was very uncomfortable.’ 

‘I had never had one before and it ended up lasting almost three months because the different medications I was put on weren’t working.’ 

When she recovered from the infection, she thought that was it and she would be able to have sex but this wasn’t the case. 

She finally decided to tell her gynecologist in January 2018, who diagnosed her with vaginismus, a condition where the vagina suddenly tightens up. 

‘My husband and I have talked about how vaginismus really de-sexualised our relationship; it was almost like living with a roommate,’ she said.

‘We would even be careful about other physical things because neither of us wanted to suggest trying to have sex, be disappointed, and the night ending in tears.’

She referred her to the vaginismus and Women’s Therapy Center but warned her that this would not be covered by insurance, so she prescribed her with Vicodin, a medicine used to relieve moderate to severe pain, to have sex with her husband. 

Heartbreaking: Stephanie said the condition 'de-sexualized' her marriage, but she is now sharing her story to help other women suffering with the condition

Heartbreaking: Stephanie said the condition ‘de-sexualized’ her marriage, but she is now sharing her story to help other women suffering with the condition

Someone to lean on: 'My husband has been incredibly supportive throughout my journey with vaginismus,' Stephanie said

Someone to lean on: ‘My husband has been incredibly supportive throughout my journey with vaginismus,’ Stephanie said

Pushing through: Stephanie has refused to believe her condition. She discovered pelvic exercises and a dilator set to help

Pushing through: Stephanie has refused to believe her condition. She discovered pelvic exercises and a dilator set to help 

Refusing to believe that this was the solution, Stephanie decided to do some research on vaginismus and the ways it can be treated. 

She discovered the use of pelvic floor therapy and bought a dilator set in an attempt to make sex more comfortable; Stephanie now says she felt shame for years over the fact that she couldn’t have sex with her husband, and admits it took a severe toll on their relationship. 

‘Having vaginismus is a heavy weight, and what largely makes it so difficult is the isolation and shame that comes with it,’ she said. 

‘I felt really embarrassed, broken, and like I couldn’t talk about it with anyone. Andrew and I felt like we lost this really big thing and we had to grieve it all alone.

‘My husband has been incredibly supportive throughout my journey with vaginismus.

‘Anytime that I would say negative things about myself, he would always reassure me that none of those things were true and that he loved me.’

Opening up: Stephanie has been more open about her condition in recent years

Opening up: Stephanie has been more open about her condition in recent years 

Important: 'She has since made it her mission to speak out about the condition and her journey to help other women going through a similar ordeal

Important: ‘She has since made it her mission to speak out about the condition and her journey to help other women going through a similar ordeal 

Not embarrassed: 'For me, it is so important to talk about it freely because I strongly believe that there is no shame in vaginismus,' she said

Not embarrassed: ‘For me, it is so important to talk about it freely because I strongly believe that there is no shame in vaginismus,’ she said

In 2018, she was finally comfortable enough to confide in her friends about vaginismus and how it had affected her marriage. In January 2019, she called the Women’s Therapy Center to begin her treatment and with the correct guidance, she was able to overcome vaginismus after the completion of treatment in May 2019. 

She has since made it her mission to speak out about the condition and her journey to help other women going through a similar ordeal.  

‘There is a massive lack of awareness about vaginismus and I believe that where there is lack of knowledge, there is fear,’ she said. ‘There are so many things that I would want to bundle up and say to someone that is in the same situation. 

‘For me, it is so important to talk about it freely because I strongly believe that there is no shame in vaginismus. 

‘I always say that because the fear and shame of it kept my mouth shut for so long, to speak about it boldly feels like a beautiful act of rebellion.’ 

Read more at DailyMail.co.uk