Would YOU lose your maiden name? Mother says she’s still judged for keeping hers

  • A Mumsnet user has sparked a huge debate about choosing to change her name
  • She said she’d kept her maiden name but still feels ‘judged’ for her decision
  • Some argued that there wasn’t ‘any point’ keeping a maiden name
  • But others said it wasn’t ‘feminist’ for a woman to take on her husband’s name

A mother has provoked a furious debate on whether women should change their names post-marriage after admitting she’s sick of people refusing to accept that she’s kept her maiden name.

In a new Mumsnet thread, the British mother said she’s constantly being judged and ranted about people sending her letters using her husband’s surname – even members of her own family.

‘I don’t feel like our name is the vital thing that links us together,’ she said of her husband and son, explaining that she really doesn’t care whether they share the same name or not.

Her post provoked a huge debate on the forum, with some saying wives should lose their old names so children can have the same name as both of their parents.

Others disagreed, with some saying it wasn’t ‘feminist’ to take on your husband’s surname.

A Mumsnet user said she feels judged for not taking her husband’s surname when they got married

Many women said they changed their surname because they want their children to have the same name as them.

UnrelentingFruitScoffer said: ‘Everyone I know changed their name to their husbands name after getting married.

‘It saves a lot of bother. Unless you are some high-flyer like a doctor or a solicitor and so need it for professional purposes I don’t see any point in keeping your maiden name as it just causes confusion.’

‘It means that the family are known as ”the x family”, that’s all. My husband would hate to have a different name to his own wife and children,’ Limoncell0 wrote.   

A Mumsnet user explained that she'd kept her maiden name as a 'feminist' move but was still referred to by her husband's name

A Mumsnet user explained that she’d kept her maiden name as a ‘feminist’ move but was still referred to by her husband’s name

Others said they'd changed their name because they wanted their children to have the same surname as them

Others said they’d changed their name because they wanted their children to have the same surname as them

However, mothers who didn’t change their name when they got married felt equally strongly about it

One explained: ‘Changing your name on marriage is not a feminist action. It just isn’t.

‘It doesn’t matter where your birth name came from the fact remains it is your name. It belongs to you just as much as it does your father.’

FlyingElbows agreed: ‘It is a family name. It’s their family name and I don’t want it or need it. I’ve got a perfectly good name and I’m happy to keep it. Not only is it a perfectly good name but I am the last of my kind.’ 

Other users said it wasn't feminist for a woman to lose her maiden name and take on her husband's surname

Other users said it wasn’t feminist for a woman to lose her maiden name and take on her husband’s surname

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