A doctor’s widow has gone public about a series of adulterous affairs she has had with 80 married men, and claimed: ‘Living my sex life to the max is my life’s work.’
Mother of two Louise Van Der Velde, 43, from North Yorkshire, says she has been living every day ‘like it is her last’ following the death of GP husband Stephen in 2004 – and juggles multiple affairs with a string of lovers.
She says the weeks after Valentine’s Day are the busiest time of the year for sex cheats like her, because the reminder of all things romantic serves as a wake-up call to so many people in ‘dead’ relationships.
And she claims many of her her lovers’ wives are aware they are cheating and turn a blind eye because they have gone off sex.
Louise, who says she shields her children, now 12 and 17, from her dalliances with married men, claims that many women whose husbands cheat only have themselves to blame, because they put all of their effort into their children and domestic life, and effectively ‘abandon’ their spouse in the bedroom in doing so.
Mother of two Louise Van Der Velde, 43, from Yorkshire, has gone public about a string of affairs she has had with 80 married men
Louise describes marriage vows like ‘until death do us part’ as ‘nonsense’ (pictured with a male model)
‘Traditional marriage counselling often fails because it is based on a model which has not been not reformed for 150 years,’ said Mrs Van Der Velde, who works as a sex therapist and who shields her two children aged 17 and 12 from her affairs.
‘All this ’till death do us part’ nonsense assumes monogamy works for everyone. This is not realistic and not in line with human nature. In order for love and passion to re-enter a marriage, there are other ways.
‘This is why living my sex life to the max and educating people about the future of love is my life’s work.
‘People should judge less and just have more great sex. You sure as heck can tell the ones who need it most – the ones who are unhappy. Life’s too short to stick to sex with only one partner.’
Louise, seen her with her late husband Stephen, a doctor, says she shields her two children, now 17 and 12, from her affairs
Louise says she ‘lives every day like it’s her last’ since losing her husband, a GP, who died in March 2004
Mrs Van Der Velde, from North Yorkshire, said she and her husband had an open relationship in the years before his death in 2004
Mrs Van Der Velde, from Harrogate, North Yorkshire, said she first started cheating in the last years of her marriage to her late husband who died suddenly aged 34 in March 2004.
How does it feel to have an affair?
Sex therapist Louise Van Der Velde, who has had 80 affairs with married men, spills the beans on three of them…
Affair Number One:
She said: ‘This is with a wealthy international businessmen who has been with his wife for 20 years and has discreet affairs when he is away on business.
‘He loves his wife but they have sex twice year – once around Valentine’s and once on his birthday. She lost interest in sex after she turned 40. He pointed out that he was devoted to her and their three children but he needed physical fulfilment. She gave him the green light to cheat as long as it didn’t impact on the family.
‘He uses IllicitEncounters.com because most of the women on the site are attached and don’t want to upset the applecart. They are looking for regular casual sex, too, with no strings attached.
Affair number 2
She said: ‘This a new relationship which has begun very recently. My lover has been rethinking his life after a miserable Christmas and Valentine’s with his wife. He doesn’t want to leave – not least because he cannot afford to. But he feels that all her energies go into bringing up their kids and there is no time or emotion left him. He feels neglected.
‘He is finance director for an international firm and he hadn’t strayed previously in 20 years of marriage. He is like a new man now and I very much doubt I will be his last affair through IllicitEncounters.com.’
Affair number 3
She said: ‘This is a gorgeous property tycoon I’ve been seeing for few years who has a very high sex drive and is in an open relationship with his wife. He is one of those men who would find it impossible to stay faithful to any woman.
‘He loves his wife and they have a fantastic sex life. It’s so good that he wants to replicate that excitement with other women. His wife also has affairs, too – it suits them both. The one rule that they have is that they are both upfront with each other and never lie when they are seeing other people.’
She said: ‘We decided to embark on an open relationship in the last few years before he died.
‘I have carried on the same way ever since. His death made me realise you have to seize the day and make the most of every day.
‘We’ve all seen those couples in restaurants on February 14th staring vacantly at each other and realising they have absolutely nothing in common beyond their children and a shared commitment to stay together because that’s what you should do.
‘Key dates like Valentine’s, Christmas and summer holidays are a big trigger point for affairs by both sexes.
‘It really puts a relationship under the spotlight and makes many unhappy spouses realise that there has got to be more to life than having rubbish sex with the same boring partner for the next 50 years.
‘Lots of wives only have themselves to blame when their husbands cheats. They lose interest in sex and effectively abandon them in the bedroom.
‘All their effort goes into their children and running things domestically and they devote no attention to their marriage.
‘It’s no wonder so many men cheat. Obviously men can go off sex, too – and I don’t blame their female partners for cheating either.
‘I am not looking for another husband and I have no interest in a monogamous relationship. I want to meet sexually driven men who are on the same page is me.
‘Around 60% of couples will experience cheating in their relationship. If they were more open about sex, there would be much less betrayal.
‘That is the message I am trying to get across in the events that I hold.’
Mrs Van Der Velde runs seminars for couples and singles to speak openly about their fantasies and what they want from sex through her company Future Love.
Attendees then have the option of attending events where they can have sex with other partygoers.
She meets all her lovers on IllicitEncounters.com – a dating site for married people.
IllicitEncounters.com spokesman Christian Grant said: ‘Post-Valentine’s is one of the busiest times of the year for us with a 20% rise in registrations – we see similar surges after Christmas and the summer holidays.
‘Louise is a fairly typical of our female members – sexually drive women who are looking to meet wealthy men for passion and excitement.’