Brrr! My other ski suit is a snowkini: SARAH VINE shivers at the latest insane Instagram boast – posing in the snow wearing nothing but your bikini
The trouble with being a celebrity in this Instagram age is it’s no longer possible to make a living just by posing in your pants.
Now you have to pose in your pants in the manner most likely to make your post go viral — and accumulate followers.
The more page views, the more people will pay you to plug their stuff. This is what’s known — rather coyly — as being an ‘influencer’. What it actually means is you will do almost anything, however humiliating, because that’s where your next pay cheque is coming from.
Freeze a crowd: Willis girls, from left, Rumer, Scout and Tallulah, pose for 2015 Christmas card in Frenchman’s Hot Springs, Idaho
Kate Upton’s Antarctic photo shoot for the Swimsuit Issue cover of Sports Illustrated in 2013
Kim Kardashian, of course, pioneered this business model, and she and her clan have done very well out of it.
No surprise, then, to see Kim and sister Kourtney in Utah this winter spearheading the latest desperate look-at-me Insta-trend, the snowkini. That’s right: wearing a bikini — in the snow.
Here is Kim in a Raquel Welch-style fur bikini and matching fur boots. Here is Kourtney in a bit of dental floss and a size zero ski jacket. Ridiculous? You bet. But just you wait: soon it will seem as normal as glitterboobs. At least Kim and Kourtney had the sense to accessorise warmly.
You booties: Kim (right) and sister Kourtney Kardashian, above, on winter break in Utah four years ago
Luciana Gimenez by contrast (she of Mick Jagger love child No 327) is pictured in the skimpiest of bikinis, clearly freezing her extremities off.
Ditto Bruce Willis’s daughters Rumer, Tallulah and Scout, pictured lolling around in some freezing river in Idaho.
They look as you might expect: cold and miserable — and unintentionally comical. But the original — and still the most hilarious — is Mariah Carey. Poor thing never quite gets it right, does she?
Mariah Carey prepares for the hot-tub during a holiday in Aspen for Christmas in 2013
Temperature plunge: Singer Pixie Lott in Verbier, Switzerland, 2016
Luciana Gimenez wears bikini on the slopes earlier this month
Georgia Toffolo shovels snow in a Ski resort after winning I’m A Celebrity in 2017
Here she is, back in 2013, affecting her classic little girl pose, barefoot in a red two-piece with her pooch on a snow-covered pavement in Aspen.
Quite why she’s putting herself through such an ordeal is a mystery — after all, she does at least have a discernible talent, which is more than can be said for most of the others.
Still, ours is not to reason why — but simply marvel at the insanity of it all as we reach for the winter thermals.
Rihanna (left) in Aspen in 2014 and Beyonce (right) in Iceland for Jay-Z’s 45th birthday