A woman who started using drugs at the age of just 15, has shared her harrowing story of being addicted for more than 30 years.
NSW-based Robyn Lewis, 52, once a chronic ice addict, stopped using drugs 19 months ago after reaching a point of desperation. She said she ‘could no longer look in the mirror.’
Speaking to FEMAIL, Ms Lewis, of West Wyalong, claims she became depressed and that the drugs she once took to make her happy, were no longer having the effect she wanted them to.
Ms Lewis (pictured) during the height of her addiction. She revealed how a lifetime of using drugs had stripped her of her self-worth and self-esteem
‘I was racked with depression and my addiction to ice had stripped me of my self-worth and self-esteem,’ she recalled emotionally.’
‘Every single week was rock bottom.’
Ms Lewis explained that her difficult childhood pushed her towards to drugs as an troubled teen.
‘When I was 15 I was introduced to marijuana, which became a nearly 40-year love affair. When I was 17, I was introduced to amphetamines which I also fell in love with.’
The now-recovered addict said a difficult childhood pushed her towards drugs and alcohol as a teen
She said the tentacles of her addiction spread to also include alcohol, gambling, and later to anti-depressants.
As a lost and directionless young woman, Ms Lewis shared how she drifted into an unhappy relationship with a man that lasted for the next 18 years.
While she admitted to using drugs during this period, including amphetamines, she wouldn’t come across ice until she was in her mid-thirties.
The 52-year-old said her addiction spread to also include alcohol and gambling
She said loved the feeling of euphoria that washed over her, and soon she was injecting it on a daily basis.
Her life quickly spiraled out of control as she tried to fund her addiction.
‘In the grips of my addictions I didn’t have any respect for money and I would blow all my wages on drugs and gambling.’
Though Ms Lewis had dabbled in drugs for years, her life took a radical turn for the worse after she started using ‘ice’
To feed her addictive lifestyle, Ms Lewis also revealed she turned to shoplifting.
‘That’s what I used to do to fund my addiction,’ she said.
‘Shoplifting goes hand-in-hand with addiction, especially if you have a lot of addictions like I did.’
‘In the grips of my addictions I didn’t have any respect for money and I would blow all my wages on drugs and gambling,’ she said
Amid the desperation of her addiction, Ms Lewis recalled losing friends she’d been close too, and becoming estranged from her only child.
The mum-of-one revealed a custody battle with her ex-partner saw her and her daughter, Zoe, separated when her child was 15.
Though she is now 29, Ms Lewis said the pair still don’t speak.
Ms Lewis said one of the most heartbreaking things she lived through was losing her daughter during a custody battle
‘That’s the most heart-breaking part of it all. I only had one child and she’s not in my life.
‘I think that’s what kept me in addiction for longer than I would have stayed in it. I think if we’d had a better relationship, I would have tried to get clean soon.
‘I felt like I had nothing to live for.’
Despite her struggles to stop using, Ms Lewis kept looking for a way to change her life, and said she eventually found a doctor referred her to a group called Smart Recovery
Ms Lewis said she first started trying to get clean in her late 30s, and would spend close to 12 years in and out of detoxes and rehabs in a desperate bid to stop.
At 51 she said she reached her limit: ‘I got to the point where I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.’
Despite her struggles to stop taking drugs, Ms Lewis said she was determined to find a way to change her life, and eventually found a doctor who referred her to a group called Smart Recovery.
She outlined the program brings addicts together to focus on their issues ‘in the here and now’, and can be used to help overcome a range of problematic behaviours.
Ms Lewis said working through her addictions with like-minded people was instrumental to helping her get clean
Ms Lewis admitted she slowly worked her way through her addictions; first giving up cigarettes, then ice, then marijuana.
‘If you’re a really bad addict and have a lot of bad addictions like I had there’s nothing worse than sitting across the table from someone who hasn’t lived the experience, telling you what to do.
‘Being in the Smart program, you’re there with others, in some cases people worse off than you.
‘I was there with prostitutes, women that had lost all of their children to drugs, alcoholics and heroin addicts, and just talking to these people worked for me.’
Now at 19-months clean, Ms Lewis has put all over her addictions behind her, and has a new focus: health and fitness.
Since embracing her new way of life, Ms Lewis who previously weighed more than 100 kilograms, now sports a svelte figure – having lost 30 kilograms though diet and exercise.
‘In recovery, I’ve found that you need to get out there and do some exercise because it helps with the release of natural endorphins,’ she said.
‘The natural high from training is better than any high drugs could give you.’
Though she’s committed to her lifestyle, Ms Lewis doesn’t take her recovery for granted
The 52-year-old believes it’s possible to give up an addiction by replacing it with something more positive.
Ms Lewis is so committed to this idea, next year she’s signed up to study to become a personal trainer.
‘People always tell me how good I look, and I believe exercise is the key.’
Though she’s committed to her lifestyle, she doesn’t take her recovery for granted.
‘I feel so good, but there’s a saying “one is too many and a thousand’s never enough”. I think if I start again, I might not be able to stop.
‘I have a wonderful life now,’ she said. ‘Things have never been better for me.’