Gay veterans find acceptance in military retirement home

Good things come to those who wait.

That’s certainly true for married military veterans John Banvard, 100, and Gerard ‘Jerry’ Nadeau, 72, who are living their retirement together, as openly gay men, in a military home in Chula Vista, California.

Speaking to NPR, Vietnam vet Jerry and WWII vet John shared how they found love with each other later in life, and how they have come to be accepted after nearly 25 years together.

In a tender exchange, Jerry asks John: ‘What would it have been like if you didn’t meet me?’

John Banvard, 100, (left) and Gerard ‘Jerry’ Nadeau, 72, live together in a veteran retirement home in Chula Vista, California

John (left) said he would be 'absolutely lost' without his partner of nearly 25 years, Jerry

John (left) said he would be ‘absolutely lost’ without his partner of nearly 25 years, Jerry

John was expecting to be 'ridiculed' when he married Jerry in 2013 at the veteran home (pictured), but, instead, the other residents were accepting of their relationship

John was expecting to be ‘ridiculed’ when he married Jerry in 2013 at the veteran home (pictured), but, instead, the other residents were accepting of their relationship

‘I would have continued being lonely,’ John says. ‘I’d been absolutely lost.’

Jerry said when he and John moved to the veterans home in 2010, people wondered what exactly their relationship was.

‘Well, when we got married, they knew what our relationship was,’ he added with a laugh.  

John was expecting to be ‘ridiculed’ when he married Jerry in 2013, but, instead, the residents of the home were welcoming to their relationship.

‘We’d gotten married at the veterans home, and we said, ‘If you came to see the bride, you’re out of luck,’ said Jerry.

They had an ‘informal’ ceremony where they served hot dogs, or as John called it: ‘hardly wedding food.’

John (pictured in his days in the military) joined the Air Force one week after the attack in Pearl Harbor and also worked as a teacher in speech and drama

John (pictured in his days in the military) joined the Air Force one week after the attack in Pearl Harbor and also worked as a teacher in speech and drama

Jerry (pictured in his days in the military) served in Vietnam, working in communications 

Jerry (pictured in his days in the military) served in Vietnam, working in communications 

The couple said they realized their relationship had become more official in the eyes of others when they were at the home's cafeteria and someone introduced them as husbands

The couple said they realized their relationship had become more official in the eyes of others when they were at the home’s cafeteria and someone introduced them as husbands

The couple realized their relationship had become more official in the eyes of others when they were at the home’s cafeteria and someone introduced them as husbands. 

‘That was very nice,’ John said of the moment.

It was a long road to the alter for the veterans, who were both ‘sort of in the closet’ when they met in 1993, back when neither had ever been in a serious relationship with a man.

When they met in 1993, neither of the vets had ever been in a relationship with a man

When they met in 1993, neither of the vets had ever been in a relationship with a man

When they met in 1993, neither of the vets had ever been in a relationship with a man (pictured left is John and right is Jerry)

When John (pictured  middle right) met Jerry, he had been a widower for nearly 10 years

When John (pictured middle right) met Jerry, he had been a widower for nearly 10 years

John is a fan of art and theater while Jerry (pictured) likes the outdoors, but their differences haven't gotten in the way of their relationship 

John is a fan of art and theater while Jerry (pictured) likes the outdoors, but their differences haven’t gotten in the way of their relationship 

John’s wife of more than 35 years had died almost 10 years before he met Jerry during a trip to California. 

Within months of meeting, John sold his house in Texas and moved in with Jerry.

Although the two vets seemed very different at first sight – John is a fan of art and theater while Jerry likes the outdoors – they became inseparable and have been together ever since. 

‘You’ve made my life complete,’ Jerry tells John.

‘I could say the same to you,’ John replies. 

‘I think we’re probably as happy together as any two people you’re likely to meet.’

 



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