Would you ever consider not inviting a friend’s partner to your wedding?
Chriss Mannix, 40, of Sydney, was left upset and frustrated when a close friend invited her to her wedding but snubbed her long-term partner who she has been with for five years.
‘I’ve been with my partner for 5 years. I have no idea why she’d think I’d attend without him’.
But more shockingly Chriss went on to say that the friend actually sees the partner at the same social events.
Chriss Mannix, 40, was left upset and frustrated when a close friend invited her to her wedding but snubbed her long-term partner who she has been with for 5 years
‘They probably wouldn’t go out just the two of them, but we’d all been together out lots of times.’
‘Worst still I found out she had invited other friend’s partners, but just not mine. It seemed really unfair.’
‘That’s why I was so shocked, and in the end I declined the invite,’ she added.
‘That for me was the nail in the coffin, I don’t really see her as a close friend anymore.’
According to etiquette expert Julie Lamberg-Burnet, brides and grooms needed to think carefully about their guest list and whether it felt right not to invite plus ones or partners.
According to etiquette expert Julie Lamberg-Burnet, it depends on the situation when considering if it’s the right thing to do to not invite plus ones or partners
‘For a small intimate wedding it is perfectly fine to indicate guests are limited and if an opportunity for the partner to attend an after wedding event that is a nice gesture,’ Julie told FEMAIL.
‘Key aspect it is up to the wedding couple to make the final choices. If budget allows, be sure to include spouse, fiancée or live-in partner. Must haves are your close family and good friends.
‘Consideration, communication and compromise is important for wedding planning and guest lists.
‘How you manage the conversation with your friends regarding your guest list is key to putting people at ease about who is attending and who is not and a gracious reason to avoid been perceived as rude.’
Writing on Mumsnet, a user revealed that her husband had been invited to a friend’s big day but she had not.
Wedding woes: A mother was offended after a couple invited her husband but not her
She asked whether she was being unreasonable to want her husband to decline his own invitation in protest.
The issue divided users. Dozens posted in support of the woman but others said she was ‘not joined at the hip’ and that being married didn’t make them a ‘double act’.
One woman pointed out that not sending the invite was making a statement, writing: ‘That’s a really odd thing to do. You are married. It’s not like they invited him out for a few drinks down the pub, it’s a wedding.’
Several said she should not have to ask her husband not to go. One wrote: ‘My DH would not go – we are a double act. Nor would I go to my friend’s wedding if he wasn’t invited.
Support: Dozens of users branded the lack of invitation ‘rude’ and ‘really poor form’
‘I think the hosts are perfectly entitled to invite who they want but it is incredibly rude not to invite the spouse of a friend.’
Another posted: ‘This should be a no brainer for your husband, he declines the invitation… I wouldn’t go in such a setting, no need for drama or being rude back, just the rsvp back with a decline.’
Some consulted their other halves on the issue to get a male perspective. One shared: ‘My DH [husband] just said he would consider it incredibly rude too and although he would stop short of asking why I wasn’t invited, he would not attend.’
Defiant: Several wives said they would expect their husbands not to attend the wedding
However, others criticised the wife for taking it to heart. One wrote: ‘To me, it’s not any different to her husband going to a concert with his mates, or a weekend bender with a group of his friends.’
‘It’s not really rude to invite one half of a couple, especially if you’re not close to one of them,’ another posted.
‘I hate all this “we’re a unit, we’re a double act, we come as one” stuff, I do lots without my DP and we’ve both attended weddings without each other. It’s perfectly fine.’
Criticism: Others said the woman should not act like she and her husband are ‘joined at the hip’