Even if you’re not an avid fan of ABC’s The Bachelor, chances are you’ve heard about Monday’s stunning finale.
This season’s leading man Arie Luyendyk Jr proposed to one of the last two women standing, Becca Kufrin, and then days later he changed his mind, broke up with her, and proposed to the runner up, Lauren Burnam.
The sudden flip-flop came as a shock to fans who took to Twitter wondering whether the 36-year-old had been manipulated by the show’s producers for the drama or if he was just a bad guy.
Lena Derhally, a licensed psychotherapist in Washington, DC, has a different explanation for it: the paradox of choice.
The ‘paradox of choice’ is a theory that when a person is presented with too many options, they are unable to make a decision, or when they do, they are more likely to regret it their choice.
In the finale of The Bachelor on Monday, leading man Arie Luyendyk Jr proposed to one of the last two women standing, Becca Kufrin, pictured, before changing his mind days later
At the end of the finale episode he proposed to the runner up, Lauren Burnam, pictured
The theory was identified in 2000 after researchers conducted an experiment in a set up a table in a supermarket, first with six different flavors of jam to choose from and next with 24 flavors to choose from.
While the table with more options had more traffic from customers, the table with only six options resulted in 10-times more sales.
The researchers came to the conclusion that when faced with multiple options, a person can get overwhelmed and confused.
Derhally says the paradox of choices is just a theory without much scientific evidence to back it up because despite many attempts the results of the jam study have never been replicated.
Anecdotally, though, she sees it in her work as an anxiety specialist all the time.
Because he had yet to actually go through anything significant with either Becca or Lauren, Arie was likely to have a distorted view of both women
When Arie broke off the engagement with Becca he said: ‘For me, the more I hung out with you, the more I felt like I was losing the possibility of reconciling things with Lauren’
When she heard about the drama that went down in the finale, Derhally said she was reminded of the paradox.
She said that because the contestants on the show don’t get much time to get to know each other, usually by the time they get to the end of the season and it’s time to make a choice, they’re in what relationship psychologists call the ‘romantic love’ stage.
Romantic love is characterized by intense sexual feelings that are unrealistically positive.
Because he had yet to actually go through anything significant with either Becca or Lauren, Arie was likely to have a distorted view of both women.
As a result, when he was with one of the women, he’d be thinking about the other one.
Arie himself told Becca a variation of that: ‘For me, the more I hung out with you, the more I felt like I was losing the possibility of reconciling things with Lauren.’
While Derhally concedes that the TV element of the situation likely played a large role in the outcome, she does think Arie was likely influenced by the paradox.
In her own practice, she sees the paradox play out through the immeasurable number of choices on online dating apps.
‘There’s definitely a new culture of dating that’s focused on app-swiping,’ she said. ‘A lot of my clients are on these dating apps and it seems like the technology has complicated everything and relationships just aren’t lasting as long.’
Derhally said that having so many options in the palm of a person’s hand makes it harder for them to make meaningful connections.
‘People are more likely to think: ‘Well, this person is great but maybe there’s someone better out there,’ Derhally said. ‘They’re searching for this idea of perfection that doesn’t exist.’
The constant feeling that there might be a better option available can make people more likely to doubt their decisions even if they may be the right ones.
Having multiple options for romantic partners, as in Arie’s case, can cause stress and anxiety
‘Having multiple options can seem like a great problem to have but it creates a lot of stress and anxiety,’ she said.
She compared it to reports that geniuses like the late Steve Jobs wear the same thing every day because that way they don’t have to expend mental energy picking out an outfit in the morning.
With more complex situations like picking a life-partner, the stakes are higher and thus the anxiety associated with making the choice is higher.
In the case of Arie, Derhally said it was almost as if he spent the show swiping through potential dates and testing them out briefly, just as one does in the real world.
Even after being jilted, Becca herself said that she didn’t think Arie hurt her on purpose.
‘I don’t think he thought it through, but I don’t think he did it maliciously to break my heart,’ she told People.
Becca will have her own chance to swipe through new matches as the next Bachelorette.