Phew! The sweaty-palmed agony is over for another year. Yes, after last night’s final, at last we know who takes the glittering crown for Pushiest Parents 2017.
Channel 4’s Child Genius quiz show, with its fiendish spellings and complex sums, reached its climax, and Rahul’s super-proud mum and dad (aka Team Rahul) can bask in glory that their 12-year-old saw off Ronan, aged nine, to be crowned Britain’s cleverest child.
The champ’s father even lofted his son’s trophy to the cameras, acknowledging his paternal role in the triumph.
Phew! The sweaty-palmed agony is over for another year. Yes, after last night’s final, at last we know who takes the glittering crown for Pushiest Parents 2017
Well done, Rahul – or should that be well done Rahul’s mum and dad? Over the past week, we’ve had parents of contestants announce they ‘feel like Judy Murray at Wimbledon,’ Rahul admitting that ‘my dad helped me become competitive’, and accusations of some ‘helicopter parents’ cheating. One finalist on the quiz show was asked, ‘Why are you here?’ and he replied: ‘Because my mum pushed me.’
Fingers on buzzers, I have to ask: Do these parents truly have their little darlings’ best interests at heart? Or is Child Genius a form of child abuse? Not the physical kind, clearly, but the emotional kind that places a parent’s desperate hunger for a little prodigy above their offspring’s long-term happiness – even sanity.
Last week we also had A-level results day, which arrived with supposed proof of the pudding of Michael Gove’s worthy attempt to stop schools becoming mere exam factories, with children sitting GCSEs, AS-levels, then A-levels, at a gallop, as all mine did. AS-levels now don’t count towards A-levels, so in theory there’s more time to get under the skin of subjects.
Didn’t look like much had changed to me. There were the usual pictures of flicky-haired blondes jumping in the air clutching bits of paper, despite the fact that boys have overtaken girls for the first time in two decades.
Then the camera cut to a tear-stained girl who hadn’t made her grades to get into her first-choice university. It made me think of my son back at home, face down in a land law tome in mid-August. And of a student I know of at a top London girls’ school who tragically committed suicide the day her results came out.
I don’t dare ask how my nephews and nieces fared yet, as it’s all become such a stressful national nightmare, with so much riding on it. And yet we parents can’t escape the blame. Not really.
A recent survey showed that mothers said they preferred their children to be sociable extroverts rather than conscientious nerds. Yet schools are still rated and judged by parents on one overriding criterion: exam results. Not on the popularity of their wellbeing curriculum, or their emphasis on life-skills (at most schools, non-existent), sport, or on the happiness of the pupils.
Well done, Rahul – or should that be well done Rahul’s mum and dad?
The saddest part is, it matters so little in the grand scheme of things. It’s no consolation to those in clearing or having to face resits, but in a few years’ time, nobody will care whether you got a B or an A. Or where you went to uni, or ask what you got. Ever.
Yet the after-effects of a childhood spent being pushed uphill all the way by your parents can last a lifetime. Ask yourself the simple question: has the child genius at your school turned into the happiest adult? Or even the most successful? Thought not.
I leave you with the comforting words of Jeremy Clarkson, who despite his lurgy, didn’t forget to issue his annual calming message at this disastrous/triumphant time.
‘If you didn’t get the right A-level results, don’t worry,’ the presenter tweeted. ‘I got a C and 2 Us, and my chef is preparing truffles for breakfast.’
Coleen’s desperate for some girl power
Congratulations to Coleen Rooney, who is preggers with baby number four, adding to her current brood of three sons. Mrs R claims not to mind if it’s another boy.
‘I’m not desperate for a girl. My mum is more desperate to have a girl than me because she’s got all grandsons,’ she said.
Congratulations to Coleen Rooney, who is preggers with baby number four, adding to her current brood of three sons. Mrs R claims not to mind if it’s another boy
‘She’s got five of them so, yes, she would like a girl. It would be nice.’ Allow me to translate Coleen’s words for you. Despite having her hands more than full with her four boys (she says Wayne is a big baby at home who won’t even take out the bins) Coleen is desperate for a girl, desperate – and she will keep up her considerable reproductive work-rate until she has at least one to even the score.
Anne Robinson has said that all women should be having sex at 72 (no pressure then, readers!) and also that she wishes there was ‘Tinder solely for CEOs and upwards’.
Sorry to break the news, Annie, but older male execs at least are so convinced of their vaulting and enduring appeal to the fairer sex that they would only ever swipe right on loamy lasses half their age.
No, I’m not feeling it, I’m afraid. Never mind Tinder, not to mention Grindr (!). Britain’s bosses would never sign up to Grandr.