Shortly before lunch on an inexplicable final morning at Lord’s, the leading wicket-taker in England’s history was bowling to a pair of rabbits with a field that included three men on the boundary.
At one end was Jasprit Bumrah, who began this series with a Test batting average of two. At the other was Mohammed Shami. Given his average of 11, he was lucky to be at No 9. Yet here they were, being treated like Don Bradman and Garfield Sobers.
This was a remarkable Test match, and nothing was quite as remarkable as Joe Root’s tactics on a day which had started with India six down, 154 ahead and rightly nervous.
England’s tactic of trying to bounce out Jasprit Bumrah (above right) was extremely misjudged
England were keen on revenge after Bumrah’s hostile bowling spell at James Anderson (above)
When Ollie Robinson removed the dangerous Rishabh Pant in the fourth over, all that stood between England and a likely series lead was the weakest tail in international cricket.
And when Robinson quickly added the scalp of Ishant Sharma, it seemed they would have two and a half sessions to knock off a modest target.
It was here, as Bumrah walked out, that they took leave of their senses. The England team still appeared unhappy about the over Bumrah bowled on Saturday evening, when he overstepped four times and aimed for Jimmy Anderson’s head and ribs.
As Bumrah and Jos Buttler exchanged words, there is every chance this was the subject matter. But instead of trying to take India’s last two wickets with the conventional fields that had been good enough for their first eight, England seemed distracted by the possibility of retribution.
Mark Wood clattered Bumrah’s helmet. More words flowed, in both directions. Virat Kohli got stuck in too, despite being far away on the dressing-room balcony. No matter: this is Kohli’s team, and they play in his image.
England once expected their Indian visitors to go about their business with a smile, even when they were being sledged. If there was more than a hint of colonial condescension about that attitude, no one here seemed minded to point it out.
But this India team, led by captain Virat Kohli (left), are not as acquiescent as previous teams
But some time before the turn of the millennium, India started to flex their muscles at an administrative level.
In 2002, Sourav Ganguly tore off his shirt on the same Lord’s balcony, after a memorable one-day run-chase. He is the BCCI president these days and presumably watches Kohli with an avuncular pride.
The mayhem suited India perfectly, and England were not smart enough to twig. Men stayed on the fence in anticipation of the miscue that never came. Bowlers dropped short, hoping for the best. When there was a chance, Root put down Bumrah at slip off Moeen Ali, looking for all the world as if the edge had taken him by surprise.
Shortly after another bad-tempered exchange involving Anderson, Shami moved to his second Test half-century, from just 57 balls, with a mow for six into the Grand Stand off Ali. Indians in the crowd danced with delight.
And by the time Kohli called a halt nine balls after lunch — curiously, since the decision not to declare at the interval gave him four fewer overs to take 10 wickets — both players had career-bests. Incredibly, India led by 271.
In a little over an hour and a half, England had gone from favourites to outsiders, and lost friends along the way. It’s one thing to have a word with the opposition, it’s another when they are two tailenders who have made you look foolish.
Kohli’s whole team (above) were fired up and dished out plenty of verbal barbs in response
Having absorbed a few barbs, India proceeded to dish some out. When England began their fourth innings, fielders swarmed all over them.
Fast bowler Mohammed Siraj, who has become the most reliably chatty player of the series, buzzed louder than most. The early removal of Rory Burns added to the frisson, and Haseeb Hameed walked out on a pair to face close-quarters advice from Siraj.
The confrontations grew in frequency, especially after Buttler’s arrival, but Michael Gough and Richard Illingworth chose their moments to intervene. It was sensible umpiring, though they had little choice: had they stepped in every time Kohli chuntered away, the Test would have ground to a halt.
Even when the technology confirmed that Robinson was leg-before to Bumrah in the final hour, Kohli was making some manner of grievance known to Illingworth.
In the end, no one could begrudge India their victory — among the most famous in their history. But one day Root will look back at his tactics and wonder what possessed him.
English cricket has endured some grim moments down the years, and this was a fiasco as grim as any.