Mother, 30, refuses to force her children to share their toys

A mother has revealed how she refuses to force her children to share and has separate ‘personal’ and ‘community’ toys for them to play together with.

Emily Feret, 30, from Chicago, Illinois, does not make her children share their own toys or possessions with each other or friends.

She asks Hannah, four, and Levi, two, if there are any toys they don’t want to share and hides them when friends come over – leaving out ‘community toys’ which anyone can play with.

The stay-at-home mother follows a gentle parenting approach and says she treats her children ‘like people’ and with ‘respect’.

Emily, who lives with husband her Greg, a salesman, tries to avoid yelling and shouting and gives her kids correlated consequences – such as taking a toy away that her kids are squabbling over.

Emily said: ‘As an adult if I didn’t want to share something no one would force me to.

‘So I give my kids the same respect. I ask them if any toys they don’t want to share and put them away if guests are coming over.

‘I have toys which are just individually theirs and toys which I call community toys which are everybody’s. I treat my children like people.’

Emily tries to give her children correlated or ‘natural consequences’ if they are doing something wrong.

She said: ‘If they are fighting over a community toy I’ll offer a solution such as a timer so they each have a bit of time with the toy.

‘If they are still fighting I’ll then take the toy away. I try and make the consequence make sense to the situation.

‘If my kids are running and I tell them to stop because they may fall and they don’t listen and then fall that’s a natural consequence.’

Emily tries to talk to her kids calmly and avoids raising her voice.

Emily asks Hannah and Levi (pictured) if there are any toys they don’t want to share and hides them when friends come over – leaving out ‘community toys’ which anyone can play with

The stay-at-home mother follows a gentle parenting approach and says she treats Hannah and Levi (above) ‘like people’ and with ‘respect’

Emily (pictured) tries to give her children correlated or ‘natural consequences’ if they are doing something wrong

She said: ‘I try and get on their level and talk calmly. If I do raise my voice I’ll apologize and explain why I yelled.

‘I try and speak to them from a place of calm. If my child is jumping on the furniture I’ll say – ‘hey can we not jump on the couch.’

‘But I’ll give them alternative for something they can jump on. If they continue, I’ll get them down.

‘I let them be upset and frustrated and tell them the names for these emotions.’

Emily says she will try and speak to her children from ‘a place of calm’ and let’s her children be ‘upset and frustrated’ if they need to be 

Ultimately, Emily wants her children to have a say and express themselves as long as it’s not harming themselves or anyone else

Emily also lets her daughter Hannah stand up at dinner time rather than sitting still at the table.

She said: ‘She’s so bouncy all the time. She has a hard time sitting still to eat dinner so I let her move around.

‘She stands to eat a meal at home. There are no societal expectations in the comfort of our home.’

She is also happy to let Hannah pick out her own outfits.

Emily said: ‘She has been picking out her outfits since she was two. She has a blast doing it. I still have rules and boundaries in place.

‘But I want my kids to have a say and express themselves as long as it’s not harming themselves or anyone else.’