A woman who managed to cure her chronic insecurity and dissatisfaction by making her own self-help journal has now released her manual for happiness to help others.
As she approached her milestone 40th birthday Wendy O’Beirne, 39, from Northamptonshire realised she wanted to finally nail down her life plan, but couldn’t manage to figure it out.
‘I tried reading self-help books – loads of them,’ she said. ‘I tried new hobbies. I tried avoiding friends who made me feel worse. I even tried motivational events. I had my tarot cards read. I read some more self-help type books. Nothing resonated with me,’ she explained.
‘I was approaching 40, as a general self-doubter who was really bored of thinking “it will never happen to me”. Totally and utterly over being constantly overdrawn on my current account and just ignoring it. Drinking a bit too much and ignoring the fact that everything was getting a bit too tight.
‘I wasn’t doing anything about it other than beating myself up for not doing anything about it.’
Gradually, over time, Wendy realised that the one thing that did work was lists and lots of them and that pouring her heart out on paper ‘created a sobering reminder of what she really wanted from life.’
So she decided to make her own journal to hold herself to account, and has now published Notes To Self to share what worked for her.
Here Wendy shares the secrets that helped her to find true happiness and self-acceptance.
As she approached her milestone 40th birthday Wendy O’Beirne, 39, from Northamptonshire wanted to nail down her life plan and found that listing and journaling was the only thing that worked
LET GO
Don’t expect to achieve this overnight, but you are going to need to have a word with yourself. Stop the excuses. The “it won’t happen to me” security blanket needs throwing out.
Get ready to get it off your chest. Write down exactly what you don’t want.
Every negative thing you think about yourself, your situation, the things holding you back and exactly how you don’t want to feel. Write anything and everything you feel sad, negative, bitter, regret over and get it out now.
Because seriously, unless we drop this lot off here you are going to be dragging them all over your nice new journal. No one wants that.
Examples could be: ‘I don’t want to work two evenings a week anymore. I just don’t. It doesn’t fill me with joy’, or ‘I don’t want to be embarrassed by or held back by my bank balance.
Wendy says it’s essential to let go of negativity before you can start to move on
Most of us like to think we are always nice. But we all have moments. Moments where we think ‘Mike lands on his feet all the time, he is a right d*** as well’.
If we hold a mirror up to ourselves, what does it reflect? Write down what it is that brings up this reaction in you. I did this myself and it showed up a pattern of feelings that stem from jealousy, even envy.
People who have let you down or done you wrong. That’s got to all go too. Pile it in. Having it fester away without acknowledging it and letting it go means it does more harm to you than to them.
IDENTIFY THE WHY
If you are going to succeed. If you are going to stick with making a change you need motivation.
That comes from knowing why you are doing it. Your why has to be something you are passionate about, something that will drive you to do something every single day towards your goal. It has to be honest.
It is worthwhile to write down your why’s. Narrow down your WHYS then please write them down and look at them anytime you need them to keep you motivated!
IDENTIFY YOUR HAPPINESS
Strange as it seems we often overlook or don’t realise what makes us happy. Write down on the next page anything that really makes you happy.
Wendy has turned her love of listing and affirmations into a journal anyone can use to find out what they really want in life
DEFINE YOUR GOAL
To begin with you are going to have to define a very specific goal. Don’t say ‘I want a great job’ or ‘to have money’. It’s way too ambiguous and gives you too much freedom to achieve nothing at all.
If it’s a career change, spend time working out what sort of job you want to be in and then think about all the steps you need to take to make that real. Are you willing to do all of those steps? If yes, yay! If no, go back to your WHY. What is it you are looking for? What is it you are passionate about? What motivates you?
Do this over and over until you find out what you are prepared to do? This is the process that ensures you avoid just ‘making a wish’.
This journal is my example. I really wanted to make one. I wanted to see if I could create it, to go through the process and then making it a physical printed out ‘real thing’ and seeing if I could then market it.
I have no current experience in this field meaning that the steps are many. I am having to learn everything on the way. I am willing to do every step because of my whys and my passions.
BE GRATEFUL
Spend a few minutes every day just writing down a few things you are grateful for. It really can change your mindset.
Just list a few and being grateful every day for them with a bit of detail as to why.
Say ‘Thank you’ often. Honestly, when I did it and stuck to it I genuinely felt better about my life now. I felt luckier for what I did have straight away. I appreciated my life now a little bit more.
Wendy (left) uses positive affirmations, journalling and lists to keep her on track
USE AFFIRMATIONS
I think they do work. At least at helping you feel more capable of achieving change and to help you stay focused. If you do them regularly, not just when you can be bothered.
I have found them really helpful during exercise, I can do this instead of ‘I can’t’ instantly boosts me.
They are a powerful tool. I AM is now. it’s not I will be, I hope to be or I’m not. If you go for a run or a walk, say affirmations all the way round, even if its just to distract yourself.
Notes To Self Journal, £26.99 is available from notestoselfjournal.co.uk