My boyfriend’s cancer was ruining my mental health so I left him

A woman running the London Marathon for her ex-boyfriend has admitted she left him because she couldn’t cope with his cancer battle.

Danielle Epstein, 32, of London, was buying a house with her boyfriend Jelle Fresen when he was diagnosed with a rare form of brain tumour in September 2022 when he was 37.

He needed a complex operation, radiotherapy and chemotherapy, and had to learn to walk again.

But during this time, physics teacher Danielle experienced panic attacks and her mental health plummeted – so they split up. 

Danielle moved to Thailand but remained friends with Jelle – and is now running a marathon for a brain tumour charity. 

She explained she is still ‘figuring out’ her friendship with Jelle, adding: ‘I felt like the most awful person, leaving somebody because they have cancer but it was damaging my mental health and it wasn’t helping Jelle.’ 

The couple were in the process of buying a house in Palmers Green, London, when Jelle became ill (pictured together) 

The couple were buying a house in London when Jelle, who works as a Google software engineer, suffered dizzy spells and vomiting.

After numerous consultations with GPs and ineffective treatments for an ear infection, the vomiting became much worse.

Jelle went for a private MRI scan using his health insurance with Google, where he works as a software engineer.

The mass was then discovered and he was booked in for surgery in September, after which it transpired the tumour was a grade 4 medulloblastoma.

The tumour type is rarely seen in adults, so the prognosis wasn’t clear. 

Danielle added: ‘We were on a certain path to a certain future and within one day we knew it wasn’t going to work out like that anymore.

‘I was so worried and devastated, I couldn’t sleep or eat.

‘I was having panic attacks and was on so much medication to sort myself out I just couldn’t function.’

Realising she had to split up with Jelle, she moved to Thailand with her father. But she has stayed friends with Jelle, and kept tabs on his recovery.

Since his operation, Jelle has suffered from nerve damage which resulted in paralysis to the right side of his face, and a squint which causes double-vision.

He also can’t fully close his eye and must use eye drops and ointments constantly.

In order to do something to help, Danielle is now running the London marathon in his name for Brain Tumour Research.

Explaining her decision, she said: ‘I felt so helpless watching all this unfold, so I knew I had to do something.

Jelle went for a private MRI scan using his health insurance with Google, where he works as a software engineer, and doctors found he had a brain tumour 

Jelle had to re-learn to walk after an operation, and also had radiotherapy and chemotherapy to treat the cancer

Jelle has been supportive of his ex-girlfriend’s help and will be there to cheer her on (pictured, after his surgery)

Pictured: The back of Jelle’s head following his surgery. The tumour mass was in his cerebellum

‘I’m not a runner, but Jelle has done marathons before, so I thought it would be a challenge for me and a nice tribute to him and it felt like something to aim towards.

‘I won’t be fast, but I’m determined to get round.

‘Training has been tough physically and mentally, just keeping going when you’re so bored is challenging.

‘But I have the best motivation; if Jelle can go through all of this then I can run a marathon.’

She added that money was needed to help brain cancer research.

She said: ‘The UK is not a developing nation; we should be scientifically innovative, but treatments haven’t changed in decades and we seem to be behind other countries and the advances they have made.

‘We desperately need more research and trials to develop better treatments.’

Jelle has been supportive of his ex-girlfriend’s help and will be there to cheer her on.

He said: ‘I will be there on the day to cheer Danielle on, I think it’s incredible what she’s doing.

‘When she said she was going to do a marathon, I must admit I had my doubts.

‘I think she only did about 5km when we were together and that was with a lot of complaining.

‘I’ve got so much respect for her discipline and perseverance.’

Danielle said: ‘I still love Jelle deeply and want to support him, but I came to realise I couldn’t stay with him as his partner.

‘We’re still figuring things out and finding ways to continue our relationship as friends. 

‘Our whole lives came out from under us.’

Carol Robertson, national events manager for Brain Tumour Research, said: ‘We’re so sorry to hear about Jelle’s diagnosis.

‘While his tumour type is rare, brain cancer is not, with one in three people knowing somebody affected.

‘We’re very grateful to Danielle for taking on this huge challenge to help raise funds for our cause.

‘Our Marathon runners are supported every step of the way, and we look forward to cheering her across the finish line.’