What age children should start doing chores around the home has always been hugely debated topic within different households.
The appropriate age children should start doing chores and gaining independence, such as learning to do laundry and hoovering to going out with friends unsupervised has been debunked.
While some parents believe that their kids can be left alone at home as young as the age of 12, others have been left horrified at the thought of doing so.
And the same debate goes for mobile phones – what age is the right age to buy one for your child?
Following this, MailOnline have spoken to a parenting expert who has broken down what age is appropriate for children to do things like prepare breakfast, wash the dishes and walk to school alone.
Olivia Edwards, 33, who is also known as The Positive Parent Coach, says it is important that parents think about their child’s maturity level, physical ability, and interest to help them select the appropriate chores and activities.
And the complexity of chores naturally varies per age.
The chores and needs of a three-year-old will obviously be different compared to that of a nine-year-old, but Ms Edwards says that you always need to consider what the needs of your child are from an education perspective.
So here is a guide as to when your children should be doing certain chores or be given independence…
MailOnline have spoken to Olivia Edwards, who is also known as The Positive Parent Coach, on what age is appropriate for children to do household tasks and gain independence
Household chores e.g. dusting, hoovering and doing the laundry
Age – 1
Ms Edwards says that with any household roles and responsibilities, it is difficult to pinpoint as all children are very different.
But she said that in her experience and with her own children, ‘it is important from the get-go that you are positively role-modelling these things.
‘If we can give children these opportunities and making sure that we are driving this informational and giving them the safety aspect it can be empowering for children.’
She continued to say that you can start off introducing smaller tasks to your children, such as getting them to ‘help you to carry the laundry basket, turn the dial or separate the different dials’ as lots of learning is involved here.
But it is important that as a parent you understand their abilities and you assess the risk of the task.
Preparing breakfast
Age – 1
Ms Edwards says that ‘This comes up a lot as meal times can be tricky. It is again all about helping children to serve themselves and offering choices by setting them up for success not failure.
‘What I mean by this is helping them prepare their own foods such as making them pour their own milk by de-cantering it into a smaller bowl, or having them pour cornflakes with a spoon or scoop into a dish.’
She continued to say that ‘a lot of it is thinking to amend or adapt that activity to suit the needs of the child as this is teaching them key skill to be independent.’
Make a hot drink
Ms Edwards says ‘it is important to have a conversation around the dangers hot water and steam pose’ and you as a parent, need to make sure your child has confidently understood this (File image)
Age – 11 – 12
Its all about risk – if you are in a position where you are a good role model for this in terms of boiling and operating the kettle, then this is a good age to start looking at introducing this task.
You must also consider the safe access to mugs and ingredients as well as the layout of your kitchen, Ms Edwards says.
She adds: ‘It is important to have a conversation around the dangers hot water and steam pose, and you need to make sure that your children have confidently understood them.’
In explaining why this is the best age to introduce this task, Ms Edwards says that a lot of secondary school children have access to cooking classes so they are learning that at school too.
Washing the dishes
Age – 1 to 4
The parenting coach says that if you assess the risks – thinking about how they will reach the sink and if they wont fall off, and letting them know the expectations for where they can put the dishes, what to use to wash them and the amount of washing up liquid – then children between the ages of one to four can start this task.
Ms Edwards continued to say that it is all about ‘starting them off small’ and being a role model, so that your children can see you doing the task first.
Also, by collaborating on tasks – for example wiping a dish while they wash one – will make washing the dishes less like a chore and ‘more like family contribution, as the tasks will seem more like a family effort.’
Getting pocket money
The parenting coach says that it is most appropriate to start the positive introduction to money around the ages of four to five. She adds that the next step up from receiving pocket money is getting a physical card
Age – 4 – 5
This, Ms Edwards says, depends on the child. However, it is all about introducing the concept of money and that there is a value to money.
The parenting coach says that it is most appropriate to start the positive introduction to money around this age, as ‘it would coincide with their learning and that number has a value, otherwise the reason behind the pocket money will not make sense to them.’
Own a card
Age – 11 – 12
This is one of the next step up from receiving pocket money.
Ms Edwards says that after the ages of four to five, ‘this would allow for the parent to have a conversation about cards.
‘Once they get more into a “tweeny” or teenager age, you can ease them into helping them be more independent and more practical about their spending by giving them a card.’
She added that this will also positively introduce and reinforce the notion of budgeting as well as being more responsible about money by having to look at how much they have spent or checking they have not gone into an overdraft, for example.
Get their own phone
Age – 10 – 13
‘This is a huge one, and rightly so as there is a massive difference in what phone your child should have,’ Ms Edwards says.
She continued to say that you need to ask yourself as a parent why your child needs a phone. In terms of safety aspect, then they can have a phone so you can contact them and that makes sense.
‘But in that situation it wouldn’t need to be a smartphone.’
Therefore, Ms Edwards says that if they are using a phone to communicate through calls and text, she would advise parents that their child could have a mobile around the age of 10.
But a phone with internet access, she says the ‘absolute minimum age should be 13.’
In explaining why, she said that this is the youngest age you can get a social media account, and that they are shown content that is appropriate for them.
She says: ‘Also if your child has internet, you have a reasonability to have parental control and educating your child on what is safe on their phone – being collaborative on what they are using.
‘It is important that the child can approach the parent if they have any issues with using the phone. So you need to be having conversations about what to do if they see something they don’t want to see.
‘This is because the average age that a child is introduced to pornographic imagery is eight, and this can be traumatic, so taking the responsibility as a parent to help the child be safe and protected online is important.’
Walk to school alone
This is always a controversial topic, but Ms Edwards advises that before the child walks to school alone, the parent should do the route with them to make sure they know the route well and are aware of the risks
Age – 11 – 12
‘This is obviously a big one for parents,’ Ms Edwards says.
‘But they need to understand the risks. They need to know the route well and you need to make sure they are familiar with where they are going. It is also important that if they are walking with different people, you need to make sure you know who they are going with.’
The parenting coach added that anything that involves a child being independent and away from their parents corresponds with the move to secondary school.
But, for a lot of families but it all about checking in with their child, and keep an open connection with them to ensure they can communicate any concerns they have with you.
Pay a visit to the shops unsupervised, or going out with friends unsupervised
Age – 11 – 12
This is down to individual circumstances, Ms Edwards says, but generally this is the most appropriate age to allow them to walk to the shops or go out with friends unsupervised.
Doing things independently comes at much older age as children need to assess the risks themselves, Ms Edwards says.
Understanding the location is important too as if they do understand where they are going that will make things easier.
Also introducingchildren to safeguarding measures is important, for example what they need to do if they get into trouble or have an accident.
Have a sleepover
Age – around 7
There are two ways you can go about introducing this, and the age range varies.
If you are having family sleepovers, for example with grandparents. parents can confidently introduce their children to this ‘from the offset.’
Once both the child and parent is confident, they can be introduced to spending the night at a house that isn’t a family members around the age of seven.
However, Ms Edwards says that ‘it is important to normalise sleepovers so you can help the child get used to this.’
She adds that from a ‘safeguarding point of view, important to know and visit the family beforehand and you want to be able to be in contact with them regularly. But again, it depends on you and how familiar you are with the people your child is staying with.’
Stay at home alone
Looking after themselves comes with great responsibility. The NSCPCC advises that babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone
Age – 12
There is legal guidance on this – aged 12 – and Ms Edwards says that she ‘would agree with that.’
In fact, the NSCPCC advises that babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone. Children under the age of 12 are rarely mature enough to cope in an emergency and should not be left at home alone for a long period of time.
And Ms Edwards concurs, adding that this ‘places a lot of responsibility on the child especially if they will be responsible for other pets or children for example.’
But it is all about the parent ‘making an educated judgement and safeguarding risks.’
Babysit a sibling
Age – 12 – 13
Ages 12 to 13 ‘is fine if you feel that child can maintain safety and has awareness of risk.’ Ms Edwards says.
She adds that alike to having a child stay at home before they are ready, looking after a sibling can be ‘too much responsibility’.
As a mother-of-three, Ms Edwards says that ‘a lot of these things come down to role modelling.
‘If you want children to succeed and develop a skill, it all starts with role modelling. And our role as parents it to teach and guide them and the best thing is to show them as they learn the most from looking at what we do.’
She added that ‘you will get much better results if you have physically done that walk-through with your child before, rather than throwing it on them. And by doing so, this stops your child from being anxious about the task they will be faced with.’
The 33-year-old, who has been supporting families from a coaching capacity for four years, and has spent last 15 years working with families and educations services from early years to universities, adds that the connection you with your child is highly important.
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