Why do people cheat? Dad has regular affairs on his wife using Ashley Madison

A ‘happily married’ dad in his 30s says having regular affairs has been the secret to his successful relationship – and he’s been doing so for the past seven years.

Nate has had five affairs since tying the knot with his wife because his sex life at home is ‘too vanilla’ and he’s sick of being the one to initiate sex and create romantic evenings to ‘no avail’.

Even though he has an active and regular sex life with his wife, Nate says his extramarital affairs – who are typically with married women – give him the ‘spice’ he’s looking for in the bedroom.

‘I only see one woman at a time – juggling multiple women is way too stressful’, Nate told FEMAIL, who meets the women on discreet dating platform Ashley Madison.

‘We meet up for some passionate sex during the day while we’re both at work at our flexible jobs and can take time off or in the evening, when we both have a decent excuse to get out. Overnights can be tricky for both of us.

‘We chat through web-based chat or video chat apps – Telegram, Google chat etc. and I usually chat during work hours or late evening.’

Nate says he doesn’t keep any apps, messages, sexy photos or videos on his phone and wipes anything suspicious from it before he gets through the door at home.

He also has a separate bank account that he uses to to withdraw cash and pay for dates, lingerie and hotels. 

‘Some women I’ve had affairs with prefer to use their home – it’s safe, familiar to them and a turn on having wild sex in ways and in places around their house they never would with their husband,’ he said, adding that he’d only been in monogamous relationships before his marriage.

‘My first one wasn’t planned and was with a senior director at work. She was at least 10 years older, very attractive, gorgeous figure, took care of herself and had her boobs done,’ he recalled

When asked if he feels guilty about straying, Nate said the only guilt he’s felt came at the very beginning.

‘My first one wasn’t planned and was with a senior director at work. She was at least 10 years older, very attractive, gorgeous figure, took care of herself and had her boobs done,’ he recalled.

‘She had an office on one of the top floors and an amazing view of the city. After some Christmas party drinks she asked me to carry some stuff up there. 

‘We were both a bit drunk, it was late, no one else was around and well… one thing led to another. Afterwards, I just felt awful and swore I’d never do anything like that again. She seduced me again though and after that, we had an incredible time together and I learned to compartmentalise those feelings of guilt and just enjoy this incredible woman, her sexual energy and the fantasies we were living out together.’

Nate said he’s seen the benefit in his marriage and that as long as he’s not getting caught and having fun, he doesn’t feel a pang of guilt. 

‘My wife and I are really good friends and spend a lot of quality time together. We still have sex regularly and I always make sure she’s satisfied but it’s just very dull, very vanilla, and not exciting enough despite my efforts to spice things up,’ he said.

Nate did admit he’s asked his wife to visit a sex therapist with him but she’s shut the idea down. 

‘It’s the same when I try to talk to her about our sex life – she doesn’t want to discuss it. Asking her what she might enjoy or what pleasure she’d like is met with stony silence,’ he said.

‘She might wear the lingerie I buy her once or try out the toys once, but after that they’re left to gather dust in the wardrobe. Discussions about fantasies go nowhere and times when I’ve tried to get us to explore erotica haven’t gone anywhere.

‘Having an affair has allowed me to let off a bit of stream, explore those fantasies I have, have incredible, passionate sex with a woman who also has strong, sexy desires and treat her.

‘While many partners will describe their need for more sex, more adventure or more eroticism, it doesn’t mean that they blame their partner for their affair,’ Dr Tammy (pictured) said

‘At home I’m longer upsetting my wife by trying to talk about our sex life with her.’

However, Nate admits he would be a little upset if he found out his wife was doing the same.

‘If I found out she was cheating on me, I’d be a little bit annoyed – but it might also be a chance to reset our sex life, have a form of non-monogamy openly and in a grown-up fashion,’ he said.

‘If we did it openly, absolutely not, in fact it’s a fantasy of mine, one that I’ve suggested to her many times. As with anything like this, you’d want to discuss it, to be open, to go through the stages slowly so you both were sure you were okay.’

Nate says it would take an active conversation about their sex life for him to consider stopping his affairs. 

‘It would take my wife being more inspired and curious about sex, exploring it, buying lingerie and clothes that make her feel not just good but super sexy and exploring toys that enhance her pleasure,’ he said.

‘To be honest, I’d find it a huge turn on to know my wife was having fun with another guy, girl or couple and hearing about it afterwards whilst we have incredibly hot sex,’ Nate said

‘I want her to research what she might enjoy, what I might enjoy and be turned on by different forms of erotica. I want her to talk to me about her desires, what she’d love to explore and what she feels is so taboo that she’s nervous to confess it – that would be hot. 

‘If that leads to non-monogamy, her being a hot wife, swinging etc. great… but if not, just the shift in attitude and sexual awakening would be amazing.’

Nate stands by the fact that his marriage is successful because of his cheating. 

‘I’ve been very careful and have drawn the line in places where I feel I might be getting in too deep with someone, where it’s becoming much more than just mutual sexual pleasure and fun,’ he said.

‘One of things that no one ever tells you about marriage or long term commitment in a relationship is how fundamental a good sex life together is.

‘And for that, you need to be excited and open about it, be able to talk about it, approach and discuss things with your partner – but also listen to them and be willing to go where they want to go with it, just as you want them to go where you want.’

He says if that means opening up the relationship – even secretly – then so be it.

‘As long as you both know that it’s just fun and it’s not even close to the love and bond you have with each other as life partners,’ he said.

‘To be honest, I’d find it a huge turn on to know my wife was having fun with another guy, girl or couple and hearing about it afterwards whilst we have incredibly hot sex,’ he said.

‘…Or watching, joining in and ensuring she’s having the best time and receiving mind blowing pleasure. 

‘But I don’t get that home – so I get it elsewhere, and it’s amazing!’