At family parties and christenings she’s always a warmly welcomed guest. And when I need advice about the children, she’s the first person I turn to.
In short, I count Michelle Pringle as one of my closest friends and we see each other often. If I’m in the town where Michelle works, I’ll pop in to see her for a coffee and a catch-up. If my husband and I are having a takeaway night, I’ll always invite her and her partner to join us.
When I tell you how our friendship began, I’m sure there will be some who are shocked as well as mystified.
You see, Michelle was the catalyst for my first marriage ending. She was my husband Ian’s mistress, and when I found out about the affair, Ian walked straight out of my life into a new life with her, and they have been together ever since.
Of course, I was distraught. We had been married for ten years and had four children under eight. But I was also determined, even in those early days when my feelings were raw, to behave in a mature, rational way — and so was Michelle.
Mhorag pictured with her ex-husband Ian on their wedding day admits she has established a friendship with the woman who stole her husband
Our friendship may seem unusual, but I feel we are testament to the fact that betrayal and break-up do not always end in everlasting hatred and heartbreak.
We had the wellbeing of four children to consider — my youngest, Jessica, was just three, Dan, four, Chris, six and Ben, eight when their father left — and however hard it was on me, I resolved to make them my priority. It’s a sad fact of life that some marriages fail, but I was determined that the anger and resentment I felt in those early days wouldn’t destroy my children’s relationship with their father.
I didn’t want to become one of the many women who end up at loggerheads with their ex.
How, you may well ask, do you ever begin to forgive the person who breaks up your marriage, let alone forge such a friendship with them? I can understand why it bewilders people, and it wasn’t easy.
There was never one single event that sealed our unusual bond. We simply got closer over the years and our friendship has deepened as a result of all the little things Michelle has done for the children.
In fact, if any woman on the planet could feel anywhere near the fiercely protective, all-encompassing love I feel for my children, Michelle Pringle is that woman. I treasure her impact on their lives and value her opinion.
People do think our relationship unusual, but the children have only ever seen it as a positive family set-up.
These days, Ian is more like a brother to me. I would hate to think of him on his own. As for Michelle, in many ways I am truly grateful she came into our lives — as unbelievable as that may sound to others.
Mhorag (pictured right) first met Michelle Pringle (pictured left) after she was invited over as someone who Ian worked with
She was married when I first met her. She worked with Ian for a while and I remember her inviting us over and feeling very much in the shade: she was this dazzling, vivacious career woman and me a frazzled mum of four.
She had already split up with her husband when the affair began in 1993. I realised it was serious and that Ian had fallen in love when a friend told me she had seen them hand-in-hand.
I admit it was tempting to make life as difficult as possible for them. I was incredibly shocked and confused in the early days.
I couldn’t sleep, I didn’t eat, my weight plummeted; I went from a size 12 to a size 8. But all the while, the children were uppermost in my thoughts.
Looking back now, perhaps Ian and I were just too young when we married: I was 18 and he was 22. People change so much during their 20s and early 30s, and you don’t always grow in the same direction. But as much as I was hurting, I wanted a good atmosphere for my children to grow up in.
Forgiveness is something you have to work hard at, but I drew strength from my Christian upbringing. In forgiving Michelle and Ian, I have been able to let go of any bitterness that might have consumed me and prevented me from moving on with my own life.
After Ian left to be with Michelle, I realised she was going to be a central part of my children’s lives — and therefore my life, too — so when she used to come to the door with Ian in those early days to collect them, I remember making an effort to be as friendly as I could.
My feelings were still raw, but I couldn’t — and wouldn’t — criticise Ian in front of the children. He saw them every weekend and continued to be a financially generous and supportive parent. He was always there for them.
I had my doubts about how well Michelle would get on — could a self-confessed career woman cope with my brood? It can’t have been easy having three boys and a girl descending at weekends, holidays and Boxing Day.
But I was pleasantly surprised. Michelle ensured they were always well turned out.
If clothes needed washing, she laundered them, the children had their own beds and she decorated their bedrooms just as they wanted them.
Mhorag (pictured with Ian on their wedding day) admits when their children first began spending time with Michelle it felt like daggers to the heart to hear about their time together
They used to return home talking about the homemade meals Michelle’s parents cooked for them, and the exciting outings they’d been on. Michelle loves shopping and they often turned up with toys and new clothes I hadn’t bought.
At first, all of these positives were further daggers to the heart. I pictured them with Michelle, hugging her as they did me, laughing and having fun. But over time, I was glad that she was making so much of an effort with them.
Six months after we split, Ian was due to look after the children on Christmas Day. I was going to spend it with my mum and some friends.
Michelle never wanted a family of her own, but she has made a fantastic step-mum to mine-Mhorag
When Ian broached the subject of Michelle being there, too — to the horror of most people I know — I thought about it and agreed.
The fact I’d fallen out of love with Ian by that point made things so much easier.
The following Christmas, they invited the children to stay with them on Boxing Day while I busied myself with seeing my own family. And that is the pattern we followed every year when the children were young.
I didn’t want to deny them the chance to create memories with both of their parents.
Yes, Michelle would spend more money on them than I could at Christmas. She loved to take them shopping, treating them to meals out as well as new things. Her parents would spoil them rotten as well.
But things became a little easier once I met and fell in love with my second husband, two years after Ian left. We married in 2000 and went on to have two children together.
Mhorag (pictured right) believes Michelle (pictured left) has been a fantastic step mother
To Michelle’s credit, she always invited them to stay, too, and never forgot their presents at Christmas or on their birthdays.
In fact, she was one of the first visitors to pop in and have a cuddle with them when they were born.
While some people think I’m everything from mad to plain odd for accepting and embracing Michelle into our family, I disagree. Throughout the children’s lives, she has provided them with so much love and affection, and it would be wrong of me to rebuke her for that.
Mhorag and I have always put the children first. It made things so much easier for them and it was the key to them enjoying a happy childhood- Michelle
Michelle never wanted a family of her own, but she has made a fantastic step-mum to mine.
She has enriched my children’s lives — it was thanks to Michelle’s late-father and his passion for gardening that my son Dan shares this same hobby today.
She’s also helped to instill in them a strong work ethic, has taught them good manners and has only ever been a positive role model.
Jessica, the youngest, in particular has never really known her father and I together as a couple. She is incredibly close to her step-mum and I know she treasures her relationship with Michelle.
What kind of person would I be to stand in the way of that?
HER EX-HUSBAND’S MISTRESS RESPONDS:
Michelle, 56, works in retail. She has lived with Ian, 58, who also works in retail, for 24 years. They live in the North-East of England.
As Mhorag and I have got to know one another over the years, we’ve discovered we have the same interests.
Even if our tastes are not always the same, we both have a weakness for clothes. But it’s the children who unite us most of all.
At the children’s 18th and 21st birthday parties we were the first to head on to the dance floor, which amused everyone — especially the children. And working on our friendship has helped them to become stable, intelligent adults who have all done well in life and we are both so proud of them.
Michelle (pictured left with Mhorag) said she told Mhorag and Ian’s children that she wouldn’t try to replace the role of their mother
Mhorag and I have always put the children first. It made things so much easier for them and it was the key to them enjoying a happy childhood.
I didn’t have any children when I met Ian and I thought I didn’t want any. Then, suddenly, I was presented with four — an instant family.
Rather than feel jealous, though, I explained to them that I would never be their mum. They had a fantastic mum already. I wasn’t trying to take her place. Instead, I told them, I would be more like their friend — and they laughed, accepting that.
I think deep down they liked having two houses. I made it like home for them with their own bedrooms and bunk beds. Ian and I personalised their rooms.
Sometimes, if they misbehaved, Mhorag would send them to me for a while. It just worked.
As they grew older, they spent what time they needed with Ian and me, studying for exams for example. They were able to have quiet time at ours.
When each of them first started work, it was a given that they could stay with us, too. I’ve never forgotten it’s their home.
I am just so proud of them.