Brett Ratten has been through turbulent times as a head footy coach in the AFL, but nothing compares to the family tragedy he has had to endure.
Now he has revealed the agony of learning his daughter suffers from epilepsy on the same day he should have been celebrating his return to the AFL coaching ranks.
The former Carlton player and coach’s daughter, Tilly, was diagnosed with right frontal lobe epilepsy on the same day he became St Kilda’s senior coach in 2019.
Tilly experienced up to 30 seizures a day and faced difficulties with her education, often waking up confused after night-time episodes that resembled sleepwalking.
It had Ratten and his wife Joanne terrified that she could injure herself or worse if she experienced a seizure in the school yard.
‘Her seizures are a little bit different,’ Ratten told the Between Us podcast with Sarah Olle and Nat Edwards.
‘We didn’t know if it was absentee epilepsy or focal epilepsy. Her head went to the side, and then you would see the whites of her eyes and she would stop and freeze and pause for 20 or 30 seconds.
‘She would have up to 30 a day, but then when the medication came in, it started to affect her balance, so she started to fall over.
‘That was the worrying time. We thought, is this going to be in the schoolyard? She could be up [on] the swings or anything like that and just fall off.’
Brett and Joanne Ratten have been through many professional and personal challenges together as husband and wife
The Rattens’ daughter Tilly (pictured with her brother Will) had her early learning disrupted by epilepsy that caused up to 30 seizures a day
Tilly, second from left, celebrates her birthday with her siblings after medication managed to get her seizures under control
It was a major disruption to Tilly’s early learning, with the Ratten family forced to bring her home at lunchtime every day because she was that fatigued.
Fortunately for the Ratten family, medical intervention has helped and the seizures are now under control.
‘It can take a long time for some families to try and get right,’ Ratten said.
‘We were quite fortunate, it took about three months and the seizures started to stop.
‘But touch wood, she is going really well. We have learned how to manage it and all that and she is getting constant assessment, which is great.
‘She is 12 now and as you know, as you grow through those years the brain changes and all these things.
‘So it is just trying to make sure that we’ve got everything in place.’
Ratten’s candid admission about Tilly comes after the heartbreaking death of his son 16-year-old son Cooper in a car accident in 2016.
Ratten (pictured) found out that his daughter had epilepsy on the same day he was appointed head coach St Kilda
The teenager died after the vehicle was in was struck by a drunk driver, who was convicted and jailed for five years.
Since then, the Ratten family has shunned the public eye and social media to close ranks and care for each other.
‘We will never get to see where Cooper’s life would have taken him,’ Joanne Ratten, Cooper’s stepmother, said at the time.
‘Our grief is beyond measurable.’
When Ratten was appointed St Kilda coach in 2019, Joanne said: ‘Probably after Cooper’s accident, we put the brakes on and just focused on family.’
Now Ratten has spoken about the pain of Tilly’s diagnosis so shortly after his son’s death – and how he wishes he could take her pain away.
‘Your heart goes out to think, could you give it to me? And then I can deal with it. But you can’t,’ he said.
‘The good part was we found out what it was, so then you can start the process of trying to deal with it.’
It took a lot longer for Ratten to come to terms with the death of his son.
The Ratten family took time away from the public eye to deal with their grief and become tighter as a unit
He admitted having hallucinations while driving, seeing the car that killed Cooper in place of other motorists.
His grief would be pushed down deep by his footy successes, only to be triggered instantly by songs, birthdays and occasions like Father’s Day.
‘I went back to work after a week or two and then we [Melbourne Demons] were playing in the finals and before you knew it we were into the grand final. It was like a whirlwind.
‘I think it was the moments afterwards [when Ratten struggled].
‘This is what happens around grief. Usually the support initially is so tight and there is numerous people there.
‘As the time goes on, there is that ripple effect and that support gets a bit further away … that’s the time it really starts to hit home.
‘You have that time to yourself, birthdays, all those things that come into play that create memories.
‘I reckon that car that Coop was in, I reckon I saw it that many times. All I could see was that car on the road.
‘Something subconscious was looking for it, I don’t know.
‘A song, a birthday, even Father’s Day. There’s things that you don’t even think of but as the year goes by, they’re the dates and memories that come back.
‘It took us a little bit of time to try and accept it.’
Many football fans felt that Ratten was prematurely sacked by Carlton during his first head-coaching gig in the AFL
It wasn’t until five years later that Ratten said he could finally rationalise and process what had happened.
‘On the night of his 21st, we had a fantastic night and we had more of a celebration of his life and thought about it that way,’ he said.
‘That took nearly five years to do that.’
‘There is no golden rule to this, but having somebody to talk to, may help.’
When it comes to footy, Ratten has been one of the most unfortunate coaches in modern history, sacked by Carlton and St Kilda before his contract was up before having to make way for the return of Alastair Clarkson at North Melbourne.
The years of footy pressure and family pressure have taken their toll and Ratten revealed he would not be putting his hand up to be a head coach in the AFL again.
‘That’s why I am never going to ever even consider anything like that again,’ he said.
Ratten then revealed the Carlton sacking had rattled his confidence in his own abilities.
‘For me personally, the first time I got sacked I sort of felt it coming a little bit. There was a bit of momentum, I knew I was fighting a little bit towards the end for my career.
‘But I lost a lot of confidence through that.’
He regained his mojo working as an assistant coach at Hawthorn, but admitted he had been blindsided by the St Kilda sacking.
‘I didn’t really see it coming,’ Ratten said.
‘I wondered why a few things were happening that got me thinking, but I thought ‘that [being sacked] couldn’t happen’.
‘Then it did.
‘Would I do it again? I would maybe do it a bit different. But I won’t have that chance to do it and that’s OK.
‘I’ve had my time and its for others to do it now.’
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