Cheating is having a moment right now. Not a great moment, but a moment nonetheless. Yep, I said it. And before you start clutching your pearls, let’s just admit it: everyone’s prone to it. Go on, try to prove me wrong. Odds are, if you’re reading this, you’ve either cheated or been cheated on. Maybe both – life’s messy like that.
The older I get and the more juicy confessions I hear, the more convinced I am that monogamy might just be one of life’s toughest gigs. Seriously, it’s a miracle anyone sticks to it!
I mean, if George Clooney gave you the ol’ wink and nod, you would be hard pressed to say, ‘No thank you, my lazy husband, who rarely remembers to put the bins out, is waiting for me at home.’
And if, like me, you binged Rivals (no, not just for the sex scenes) or the Martha Stewart Netflix documentary, you’ll know this: cheating doesn’t care about your age, gender or tax bracket. It’s the great equaliser.
And furthermore – it’s not just miserable couples doing the dirty. Nope, happy people cheat too! How do I know? Oh, just from my own little run-in with a married man who, funnily enough, was blissfully in love with his wife. Go figure. (For the record, your honour, I did not know the dirtbag was married.)
But here’s a fun fact for you: women are far better at cheating than men. Sorry, fellas, but it’s true. While blokes tend to get sloppy – forgetting to hide texts, blabbing to their mates or parading their mistresses around like it’s no big deal – women are sneaky little ninjas. It’s not a brag; it’s just a fact.
The result? Women rarely get caught. And trust me, it’s not because they’re doing less of it.
But let’s zoom out for a second. What even counts as cheating? A hook-up? A cheeky fondle at the office Christmas party? A risqué DM after one too many wines? It’s a broad spectrum, but the common thread is simple: it would break your partner’s heart if they found out. Yet clearly, that’s not stopping anyone.
So, I decided to dive into the murky waters of infidelity and chat with women who’ve had steamy affairs. How did they pull it off? Let’s just say their answers shocked me…
The stats don’t lie: 60 per cent of men and 45 per cent of women admit to having an affair during their marriage, according to Sexual Health Australia. Ashley Madison – a.k.a. the cheaters’ clubhouse – ranks Australia as the sixth most-unfaithful country in the world. Sixth! Honestly, it would be impressive if it wasn’t so depressing.
So, I decided to dive into the murky waters of infidelity and chat with women who’ve had steamy affairs. How did they pull it off? Let’s just say their answers shocked me…
I got a glow-up
For some women, cheating wasn’t about their partner but about a newfound sense of confidence.
One woman explains: ‘The marriage started breaking down when I started training at the gym after I had kids. I discovered a confidence I never knew I had. Then there was the external attention at work… I had endless affairs over a span of two years. It was exhausting – deleting messages, using secret apps, always keeping my phone within arm’s reach, constantly changing my passwords. But I got away with it and continued until I found the strength to leave my husband.’
Another tells me: ‘I got a nose job, and it was a game-changer. I had settled for a man who was a standard five out of 10, but when I became a 10, I wanted a 10 for myself. So I went out and found a few. There’s no going back to a five once you’ve had a 10. It was worth the $10,000 surgery bill.’
Revenge
For many women, cheating was an act of retaliation – a way to reclaim power after their partners had broken their trust.
One woman revealed that after having a nose job she became a ’10 out of 10′, which meant she wanted a 10 instead of her ‘standard five’ husband. She went out and found one (stock image)
One woman confesses: ‘My husband cheated on me, so I wanted to see what I was missing.’ She describes how, during a drunken argument, he admitted to cheating multiple times during his ‘clubbing phase’. Then, unbelievably, he demanded she ‘appreciate him more’ so he wouldn’t do it again.
Reeling from this confession, the wife went on a camping trip with friends to clear her head. That’s when things took an unexpected turn.
‘In the middle of the night, one of the guys climbed into my sleeping bag, saying he was cold and needed body warmth to beat the chill. I knew exactly what was going on, but I didn’t protest.
‘He got handsy and kissed me. I went along with it for a while – partly because I was angry at my ex and partly out of curiosity about what it felt like to cheat. But then I freaked out, stopped, and said, “I’m done.” I immediately moved tents.’
The aftermath was painful: ‘I felt so sick and torn up about it for days. I ended up confessing to my boyfriend, who broke up with me because, in his words, he “couldn’t handle the betrayal”.’ Despite everything, she adds, ‘it was the best bad decision I’ve ever made’.
Another woman found clarity through her own revenge: ‘I wanted to know if I was as bad in bed as my husband made me feel. Nope! I got the validation I needed. Turns out I’m dynamite.’
Addicted to the rush
Some women confess the thrill of the affair keeps them hooked.
One tells me that starting a new relationship wasn’t enough to call things off with her married boss.
‘It began with cheeky little bits of banter at work, a couple of comments back and forth. Then we began talking every day outside of work. It was friendship at first because I knew he was married, so I ignored the feelings I had for him… until I started seeing someone else.’
That’s when things changed: ‘He lost it and told me all the feelings he had for me. What makes me stay is knowing how well we get along – we’re literally two peas in a pod. Don’t get me wrong, I question myself weekly about leaving. But I honestly can’t walk away. All the promises he’s made, plus the rush of being this naughty, it’s addictive. Like a hit of endorphins.’
Some women confess the thrill of the affair keeps them hooked. One tells me that starting a new relationship wasn’t enough to call things off with her married boss (stock image)
Ignored and taken for granted
About seven out of 10 women I spoke to had a common reason for their affairs: they felt neglected by their partners and craved to feel seen, wanted and appreciated.
One woman explains: ‘I worked full time, then came home to mum duties and housework. He simply took me for granted and neglected my womanly needs.’
Another says: ‘He didn’t appreciate all the household and childcare tasks I managed. I was nothing but a carer for him.’
Others found external validation irresistible: ‘He barely acknowledged me, didn’t want to do anything around the home or with our kids. He was a lazy f***wit, and I was getting attention from blokes outside of our marriage. It was an easy decision.’
One story stands out for its emotional depth: ‘I cheated because my partner made me feel like a sex toy. He didn’t pay me any attention – mentally, emotionally or physically. For the first five years of our relationship, I loved him deeply, but in the end, I felt like he kept me around to pass the time.
‘My male best friend, though, showered me with all the attention I needed and made me feel like the sexiest woman alive. It brought back my spark and was all the therapy I needed. I left my husband and have since remarried my best friend. Sometimes, you just need that push to find someone better.’
Social media and reconnecting with first loves
Social media became the catalyst for several affairs.
‘It began with a guy I went to high school with adding me on Snapchat,’ one woman says. ‘It started off innocent, lots of reminiscing, then eventually sneaky pictures. It turned into me driving to Sydney for “a course” and booking a hotel for the two of us. My husband and I don’t go through each other’s phones, so I just turned off notifications for most of my apps.’
Another used infidelity to confront the past: ‘I cheated on my fiancé because I was getting cold feet. My ex from university made a reappearance in my Instagram DMs. This guy had broken my heart, and I needed one more night with him to make sure I went into my marriage with no regrets.
‘We arranged a cheap hook-up at an Airbnb, and it was horrible. I’d forgotten he had a giant ego and a chip on his shoulder. I ended up crying halfway through sex and legged it back to my kind and warm-hearted fiancé. Now I know I’m 100 per cent making the right decision. I don’t regret it – in fact, it made me appreciate my current partner more.’
They married too young
Many women admit their infidelity stemmed from getting married before they truly knew themselves.
‘I cheated on my ex because we got into a serious relationship when I was way too young to understand myself fully,’ one woman explains. ‘I had this deep need to explore my identity – both sexually and in terms of what I wanted from life. Staying in the relationship felt stifling.
‘He wanted a settled life with marriage and kids, while I wanted to focus on my career, travel and keep my options open. It felt like a holdover from a more naïve phase of life. That was over five years ago. It took him a couple of years to forgive me, but now we’re genuinely good friends. He’s one of the few men in my life who has consistently wanted the best for me.’
Some final thoughts…
What I learned from these women is that cheating isn’t always about wrecking homes – it’s often about rediscovering themselves, one ill-advised fling at a time.
Does that make it right? Nope. But it does make you realise infidelity lives in a thousand shades of grey. Oh, yes. It’s a great time to be a smug singleton right about now.
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Read more at DailyMail.co.uk