The depraved mind of the seductive female pedo: Sex predator expert reveals the twisted urges of these ‘harmless’ women… and the signs your child is at risk

I’m sitting across from an attractive, well-spoken, successful career woman. An award-winning teacher.

She looks for all the world like someone you’d welcome as a mentor to your child —nurturing, devoted, even maternal. But scratch the surface and a very different picture emerges.

She speaks with the language of self-denial, of blurred boundaries and distorted self-justification.

She doesn’t describe what happened as abuse. She calls it ‘a connection.’ She says the teen boy ‘wanted it.’ She insists it wasn’t what it seems.

She’s a convicted child molester.

In my three decades as a PhD-level psychotherapist working with survivors of trauma and abuse — and at times, with the perpetrators themselves — I’ve seen this profile before. I’ve not only made it my business to help the victims, but I’ve also sought to understand the motivations that drive their female abusers.

Several recent headlines have reignited this uncomfortable but necessary conversation.

On March 16, 30-year-old Christina Formella, a respected Illinois teacher, was charged with sexually abusing a 14-year-old boy she was tutoring.

As a PhD-level psychotherapist working with survivors of trauma and abuse, I’ve seen this profile before. I’ve made it my business to help the victims of these women and I’ve sought to understand the motivations that drive their female abusers. (Pictured: Dr Laura Berman). 

On March 16, 30-year-old Christina Formella, a respected Illinois teacher, was charged with sexually abusing a 14-year-old boy she was tutoring.

In Florida, 35-year-old nurse Alexis von Yates was arrested in November after her 15-year-old stepson reported she had sex with him on multiple occasions.

And in Pennsylvania, an entire school district is reeling after teacher Michelle Mercogliano, 35, was accused of sexually assaulting one of her students. Mercogliano was taken into custody on May 5.

None of these cases have yet gone to trial, but the multiple cases in which I’ve been involved show a disturbing pattern. Women who are entrusted with authority and care exploiting their positions to groom and abuse adolescent boys. But what drives a woman to commit such a betrayal?

What I’ve consistently seen is that these women often have unresolved trauma of their own. That is not a justification for their crimes, it is an illumination of their twisted motives.

Many experienced sexual abuse or neglect in childhood. They harbor deep emotional wounds and have difficulty forming healthy adult relationships and attachments.

Often, there’s emotional stunting, which means that the women feel safest in relationships where they hold all the power and the object of their affection is unlikely to challenge or abandon them.

Some operate from a narcissistic or fantasy-driven mindset. They believe they’re ‘special,’ that the rules don’t apply to them, or that the ‘connection’ with the boy is unique, even fated.

In Florida, 35-year-old nurse, Alexis von Yates, was arrested in November after her 15-year-old stepson reported she had sex with him on multiple occasions.

In Pennsylvania, an entire school district is reeling after teacher Michelle Mercogliano (pictured), 35, was accused of sexually assaulting one of her students. Mercogliano was taken into custody on May 5.

Perhaps the most infamous example of an attempt to reframe abuse in this way is that of one-time Seattle teacher Mary Kay Letourneau whose relationship with student Vili Fualaau became tabloid fodder in the nineties and began when she was 34 and he was just 13.

They had two children together before Fualaau was 15 and she was jailed for seven years for rape, yet they went onto marry and she insisted, as did he, that the ‘relationship’ was always consensual. They even co-authored a book, ‘Only One Crime, Love.’

But this isn’t love and it isn’t consent. It’s exploitation.

Other female abusers may be deeply lonely and unconsciously reenacting their trauma. When this happens, domination is confused with love, or control with closeness.

In some cases, mental illness, including mood and personality disorders, may play a role.

Abusers blur the boundaries meant to protect teens. Instead of staying in the role of teacher or mentor, they act like a friend or romantic partner, grooming the teen emotionally and crossing lines a healthy adult would never approach.

For boys who survive this kind of abuse, the damage is profound and, too often, invisible. All too often, society responds to these crimes with a wink, a shrug, or even a joke.

When a male teacher is caught abusing a female student the immediate reaction is typically one of justifiable outrage. But when the abuser is a woman—and the victim a teenage boy—people hesitate.

They minimize, they make comments like, ‘he probably enjoyed it’ or, ‘where was she when I was in high school?’ This double standard isn’t just problematic, it’s dangerous.

Take the case of the Florida nurse Alexis von Yates who repeatedly abused her 15-year-old stepson. When her actions came to light the father’s immediate response wasn’t to protect his son, it was to blame him.

According to reports, he told the boy he’d ruined the family and cut him off emotionally. So, this victim was not only betrayed by a woman with whom he should have felt safe, he was then re-traumatized by the man who was supposed to stand by him.

This is tragically all too common.

Add in societal messages that frame these encounters as conquests rather than violations and many boys end up burying their pain deep down where it re-emerges as depression, anxiety, relationship issues, or substance use years down the line.

Male victims of sexual abuse often internalize guilt and shame because they’re not allowed to see themselves as victims. They may feel confused, complicit, or responsible.

They’re told to ‘man up.’ They’re told they should have liked it. They are rarely believed and even more rarely supported.

But let me be clear: just because a boy doesn’t cry, or even if he seems to brag, it doesn’t mean he’s not hurting.

Perhaps the most infamous example of an attempt to reframe abuse in this way is that of one-time Seattle teacher Mary Kay Letourneau (R) whose relationship with student Vili Fualaau (L) became tabloid fodder in the nineties and began when she was 34 and he was just 13.

They had two children together before Fualaau was 15 and she was jailed for seven years for rape, yet they went onto marry and she insisted, as did he, that the ‘relationship’ was always consensual. They even co-authored a book, ‘Only One Crime, Love.’

Take the case of the Florida nurse Alexis von Yates (pictured) who repeatedly abused her 15-year-old stepson. When her actions came to light the father’s immediate response wasn’t to protect his son, it was to blame him.

Research shows that male survivors, especially of female-perpetrated abuse, struggle with self-worth, sexual confusion and emotional numbness well into adulthood. Many live with an unnamed trauma that they may not fully understand until decades later.

And when we fail to take these cases seriously—when courts give slaps on the wrist —we reinforce the idea that this kind of harm doesn’t matter.

But it does. It matters deeply.

One of the most painful truths I’ve learned in my career is that hurt people hurt people.

That doesn’t excuse abuse. But if we are serious about prevention we need to be just as serious about early intervention—supporting trauma survivors before they become perpetrators.

We need to get honest about the emotional lives of women, not just men, and we need to stop conflating femininity with safety.

There is nothing romantic about a grown woman manipulating a child. This isn’t some taboo love story. It’s exploitation. And until we name it as such—clearly, consistently, and without gender bias—we will continue to fail the boys who so desperately need our protection.

Boys are not bulletproof. Their pain deserves our attention and the women who abuse them deserve the same accountability we demand from male offenders.

Dr. Laura Berman is a love and relationship therapist and a NYT Bestselling author. Her most recent book, Sex Magic is available now. 

If you or someone you love has been a victim of sexual abuse, you are not alone. Help is available. Contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit RAINN.org for 24/7 confidential support. 

***
Read more at DailyMail.co.uk