By VANESSA STOYKOV FOR DAILY MAIL AUSTRALIA

Published: 22:31 BST, 17 May 2025 | Updated: 22:31 BST, 17 May 2025

Dear Vanessa, 

My partner Michael and I were together for 15 years. We weren’t legally married, but we lived together and shared our finances. When he had a health scare five years ago, I cut my work hours to help care for him.

He had three adult children from a previous marriage. While we were never especially close, things were civil until he died suddenly last month. They arranged the funeral without involving me, didn’t ask me to speak, and barely looked at me. One even told someone I ‘wasn’t really family’.

Now I’ve discovered Michael never updated his will. Everything including the house we lived in is going to his children. I’m not mentioned at all. I have no legal right to stay in the home I’ve shared for over a decade, and they’ve made it clear they plan to sell it.

I have modest savings, a small pension fund, and some casual work income. But I can’t afford to buy a property at my age, and even renting is going to stretch me to my limit. I’m grieving and now I may lose my home and financial security too. 

What can I do?

Heartbroken and Shut Out, 64

Leading money educator Vanessa Stoykov

Leading money educator Vanessa Stoykov

Dear Heartbroken, 

First, I want to say how deeply sorry I am that you’re going through this. You were a partner in every meaningful way – and to be erased and dismissed after such a long relationship is incredibly cruel.

I hear stories like yours more often than I’d like. Many people don’t realise how vulnerable they are when there’s no legal or financial structure in place. Long-term love deserves respect and security but unfortunately, when things aren’t formalised, others often step in and take over.

You still have options. In many places, de facto or common-law partners can make a legal claim if they’ve been left out of a will. You may be able to argue that you were financially dependent and contributed meaningfully to the relationship including reducing your work to care for him. But you’ll need to act quickly, as time limits often apply.

You should speak to a solicitor who specialises in estate and inheritance law. Many offer a no-win, no-fee arrangement. You should also talk to a financial adviser to assess what resources you do have – your pension, savings, and income – and what steps you can take to protect yourself now.

If you need help finding someone, I offer a free referral service through my website. I can connect you with trusted professionals who understand situations like yours. You can request a referral here.

Your situation also carries an important lesson for anyone in a long-term relationship, especially later in life. These financial conversations can be uncomfortable, but they’re essential. Everyone should know:

• Who owns the home we live in?

• Am I in your will?

• What’s your plan for your children, and where do I fit in?

• Who is listed on your pension or superannuation as the beneficiary?

Love is powerful – but love without legal and financial planning leaves people vulnerable. The earlier these conversations happen, the more options everyone has. Too often we put them off, thinking we have time. Your story is a reminder that these discussions need to be prioritised – not just for security, but for dignity.

You’ve been through more than anyone should have to endure. But you’re not powerless. With the right support, you can rebuild your financial footing and make sure your future is protected. You deserve nothing less.

Take care,

Vanessa.

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FLOURISHING AFTER 50: My partner of 15 years died and his kids froze me out of the funeral – but that’s only the start

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