Some say civilisation began to crumble with the advent of the internet and social media. I say it was when Posh Spice was asked to design a Range Rover.

Since Victoria Beckham spiced up the Evoque in 2010 and (girl-) empowered mums to want – really, really want – urban tanks, SUVs have conquered the world. 

Now everyone is getting in on the act, and every single significant brand in the world, from Ford to Ferrari, needs an SUV in its range to survive.

Toyota’s 10 million-selling RAV4 started it, and Audi, BMW, Porsche, even Rolls-Royce and Ferrari have all followed suit. 

Bentley is no exception, building on the success of their six-litre, 335km/h Continental GT, beloved by flashy English Premier League soccer stars, with the Bentayga.

The Continental GT turned Bentley from the brand of fuddy-duddy billionaire chariots into driver’s cars. Out with Jeeves and in with foot-down fun. The GT was fast, agile, elegant and breathtakingly beautiful. 

Now Bentley hope to repeat that magic with the Bentayga, arguably the SUV to end all SUVs. 

Now their WAGs can park his and hers Bentleys in their gated, new-build mansion driveways with the mammoth SUV alongside the sports sedan. 

If Posh had waited a few years, she could even have fronted a ‘Bentley Like Beckham’ ad campaign, and reworked the chorus of Wannabe to ‘Zig-ah-Zig-BentayGA!’

I’m piloting the gargantuan extended-wheelbase (EWB) Bentayga through Victoria’s twisty wine country backroads, north of Melbourne. 

It’s literally bigger than my lounge room, and taller than I am. 

At almost 5.5m long, 1.76m high and nearly 2.5m wide, it almost certainly won’t fit in your garage, unless you are a James Bond villain with an underground lair.

Bentley is building on the success of their six-litre, 335km/h Continental GT, beloved by flashy English Premier League soccer stars, with the Bentayga SUV (pictured)

Bentley is building on the success of their six-litre, 335km/h Continental GT, beloved by flashy English Premier League soccer stars, with the Bentayga SUV (pictured)

It's literally bigger than my lounge room and taller than I am

It’s literally bigger than my lounge room and taller than I am

Even the gargantuan extended wheelbase (EWB) model made short work of Victoria¿s twisty wine country backroads, north of Melbourne (pictured)

Even the gargantuan extended wheelbase (EWB) model made short work of Victoria’s twisty wine country backroads, north of Melbourne (pictured)

It’s almost big enough to have its own postcode. It. Is. Huge. The rear door alone would have dwarfed my old Mini City. And it costs more than a unit in Melbourne. 

All up, loaded with all the options on board the one I’m driving – like, erm, airline seats (naturally) – you’re putting down $715,000 to get your hands on the keys. 

The GST, luxury car tax and stamp duty alone is about $240,000 which is enough to buy you not one, not two, not even three, but about four hybrid Toyota RAV4s. 

And then you’ve still got to find another $475,000 (which would have put you on the road in a Lamborghini Urus SUV. Just saying….) 

So, you need a bit of cash – and you’ll have to be prepared to lose most of that by the time you sell it because the secondhand market isn’t great in this sector. 

But my GOD you get a lot of car for that kind of cash – and unbelievably, it drives like a hot hatch, despite weighing 2.5 tonnes and being the size of a small cruise ship. 

The technical wizardry going on is genuinely breathtaking. I am aware I have buried the lede here – but this is a HELLUVA car to drive. It is an absolute joy.

The EWB model has all-wheel steering, which is ostensibly to make it practical in town with a turning circle to almost rival a London cab, and parking credentials to match (including a remote self-parking option from its phone app).

But take it out on a country road and it will blow your mind. There was not a bend it didn’t take like a nimble VW Golf GTI. No wallowing leans despite its double-decker dimensions. No understeer, no oversteer.

You can confidently throw it into any bend at any speed, safe in the knowledge that you will flinch before it does. A tap on the brakes lets it know what’s coming and it tenses up beautifully without bleeding speed.

It’s genuinely astonishing the way the handling (and ride) has been put together.

The EWB model has all-wheel steering, which is ostensibly to make it practical in town with a turning circle to almost rival a London cab

The EWB model has all-wheel steering, which is ostensibly to make it practical in town with a turning circle to almost rival a London cab

Despite weighing 2.5 tonnes and being the size of a small cruise ship, the technical wizardry going on is genuinely breathtaking

Despite weighing 2.5 tonnes and being the size of a small cruise ship, the technical wizardry going on is genuinely breathtaking

You can confidently throw it into any bend at any speed, safe in the knowledge that you will flinch before it does

You can confidently throw it into any bend at any speed, safe in the knowledge that you will flinch before it does

Take the EWB Bentayga out on a country road and it will blow your mind. There was not a bend it didn't take like a nimble VW Golf GTI

Take the EWB Bentayga out on a country road and it will blow your mind. There was not a bend it didn’t take like a nimble VW Golf GTI

Likewise inside, the cabin is beyond private jet levels of luxury. The backseats are expansive with legroom to spare – and that’s before you flick the switch.

Because lurking in the door is a button that, if there is no passenger/bodyguard in the front seat, will instantly convert your seat into a business class recliner.

The front seat pushes forward, a footrest drops down and your seat moves into near horizontal sleep mode, with the softest, most comfortable headrest – which you will spend the rest of your life dreaming about.

It is peak comfort, with, of course, your own display screen, multiple chair massage options, airline tray, climate control (which even adapts to your sweating), Bang and Olufsen audio – even a button that will effortlessly close that huge rear door for you.

Likewise in the front, there is acres of space for driver and passenger/bodyguard, and plenty of tech/buttons/options to keep you entertained at the lights.

Under the bonnet lurks a four-litre, twin turbo V8, which spits out 542hp (404kW) of fire and brimstone when you put your foot down.

That will hurtle you to 100km/h in a respectable 4.6 seconds by taming its 770Nm of torque, and on to a Continental GT-rivalling 290km/h.

Turn the driving-style knob on the centre console from ‘Bentley’ to Sport and the ride will stiffen, gears tighten and the exhaust roar (with some artificial acoustic enhancements).

Under the bonnet, there is a four-litre, twin turbo V8, which spits out 542hp (404kW) of fire and brimstone when you put your foot down

Under the bonnet, there is a four-litre, twin turbo V8, which spits out 542hp (404kW) of fire and brimstone when you put your foot down

Inside, the cabin is private jet levels of luxury. The backseats are expansive with legroom to spare, and a flick of the switch will transform them into airline recliners with footrests

Inside, the cabin is private jet levels of luxury. The backseats are expansive with legroom to spare, and a flick of the switch will transform them into airline recliners with footrests

When you are not unleashing fury and thunder through the accelerator, the cabin is cathedral quiet

When you are not unleashing fury and thunder through the accelerator, the cabin is cathedral quiet

But when you are not unleashing fury and thunder through the accelerator, the cabin is cathedral quiet. It made my own silent Tesla Model 3 Performance seem loud when I got home. 

Noise-dampening, audio noise-cancelling, double glazing and the smooth-as-silk eight-speed automatic gearbox (with flappy-paddle override) make cruising serene.

Did I mentioned the carpet? The pile is so deep your fingers literally disappear in it, and unlikely though I thought it would be, you can actually feel it when you drive.

Combine the opulence and the silence with the airline seating and it’s sweet dreams for fatigued business/crypto titans/drugged-up rock stars wanting a comfortable snooze in the backseat.

But that’s all this car can really appeal to – billionaires who can afford to lose probably half a million on a car when they sell it, and who have either lost their licence, can’t drive, don’t like driving or are afraid of flying and need to take epic road trips instead.

Despite its huge size, massive bootspace and overwhelming splendour and grandeur, it’s four-plus-one jump seat in the middle of the back seat is not family-orientated. 

There are not enough video displays to keep kids happy, or storage spaces for busy mums, and the upholstery is VERY child-unfriendly. The beautifully-milled silver controls for all the air vents are just waiting to be broken off by a careless kid.

As a driver’s car, it’s fabulous. It really, genuinely, surprises, and never reverted to type for a truck-sized vehicle. I hate driving big cars. I loved driving this.

BUT…. for a car that costs more than a home, it still had failings. 

As a driver's car, it's fabulous. It really, genuinely, surprises, and never reverted to type for a truck-sized vehicle

As a driver’s car, it’s fabulous. It really, genuinely, surprises, and never reverted to type for a truck-sized vehicle

The author was the guest of Bentley and Mitchelton Winery (pictured)

The author was the guest of Bentley and Mitchelton Winery (pictured)

Apple CarPlay repeatedly dropped out. The wireless charging tray in the front never worked once because, ironically, my proportionately huge iPhone 16 Pro Max seemed to be too big for it.

It had a key fob – I still needed (as far as I know) to press buttons on it to lock and unlock the car. 

For that money, I want a proximity key that works like my Tesla with walkaway locking and automatic unlocking when I am near.

The main display in the front was surprisingly small, and mostly limited to options on my 2016 Audi A1. The instruments display was also notably smaller than my 2018 Audi S3. Likewise the adaptive cruise control felt dated and mid-class car standard.

Repeatedly, when I shifted into reverse or drive, the ball of the palm of my hand would frustratingly hit the handbrake button on the gear lever stem, with hilarious* stuck-in-neutral consequences.

The infrared view for driving at night was great – but far too small and needed to be available on the heads-up display – which was also great, but restricted to just speed, speed limit and lane markings. 

Fuel consumption wasn’t awful but not great – over 370km of mainly country driving, it did about the same as my old 1997 Saab did in the city, burning through about 17litres per 100km. Fuel costs are unlikely to be a concern for the owner of a $715,000 runabout though.

That aside though, this was the height of combined opulence and driving pleasure. On the day I picked up the EWB, Bentley unveiled its latest addition to the Bentayga range, the new Speed.

It's sweet dreams for fatigued business/crypto titans/drugged-up rock stars wanting a comfortable snooze in the backseat

It’s sweet dreams for fatigued business/crypto titans/drugged-up rock stars wanting a comfortable snooze in the backseat

The Bentley Bentayga was the height of both opulence and driving pleasure

The Bentley Bentayga was the height of both opulence and driving pleasure

Do I want it, really, really want it? For now, I¿d happily settle for being a billionaire¿s chauffeur, zig-ah-zig-ahhing through country bends behind the Bentayga¿s wheel

Do I want it, really, really want it? For now, I’d happily settle for being a billionaire’s chauffeur, zig-ah-zig-ahhing through country bends behind the Bentayga’s wheel

The new model raises the ante even more, swapping out the old W12 powerplant to squeeze the V8 to 650hp (485kW) and 0-100km/h in 3.4 seconds with a top speed of 310km/h, while still keeping the all-wheel steering. It’ll cost even more than the EWB.

Would I buy it? I’d love to be in a position to have that decision to make, but it’s not on my radar without a huge lotto win. It’s a fabulous car for a very niche market. 

Do I want it, really, really want it? 

For now, I’d happily settle for being a billionaire’s chauffeur, zig-ah-zig-ahhing through country bends behind the Bentayga’s wheel.

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Read more at DailyMail.co.uk