When the children of my friends and clients announce they are getting married, it is not the wedding venue or dress that is the talk of the table – it is whether to prenup or not to prenup.

For the uninitiated, a prenup – signed pre-nuptial, i.e. before the wedding – is a contract which defines how assets will be divided should the marriage end. It ultimately helps couples avoid messy and costly disputes in the event of a divorce or separation.

Contrary to popular belief, prenups are not just for the super-rich but are regularly used to protect assets in modest cases.

The issue is becoming even more pressing as parents are increasingly passing on wealth during their lifetime to avoid leaving their children with potential inheritance tax bills.

Wealth planners report that mums and dads are giving grown-up children money to help them get on to the property ladder while they are still fit and healthy. Gifts made during your lifetime are free of inheritance tax so long as you survive for seven years after making them.

But parents want to ensure their hard-earned cash is not going to be snaffled by their child’s spouse in the event of a divorce.

I draw up many prenups and can readily see their usefulness, but handling the issue sensitively is a must.

In my experience, fathers approach this topic very differently to their wives. They can see a prenup as a sensible precaution to protect the family assets should the relationship go wrong. Mothers tend to feel warm and cosy about their son or daughter meeting someone and want to wrap their children in love, so find the entire topic awkward, unsavoury and clinical.

Parents want to ensure their hard-earned cash is not going to be snaffled by their child's spouse in the event of a divorce. Prenups are regularly used to protect assets in modest cases, but the issue must be handled with sensitivity, says Vanessa (picture posed by models)

Parents want to ensure their hard-earned cash is not going to be snaffled by their child’s spouse in the event of a divorce. Prenups are regularly used to protect assets in modest cases, but the issue must be handled with sensitivity, says Vanessa (picture posed by models)

One client, Fiona*, exploded at her husband Simon when he suggested that their daughter Emily should insist on a prenup with her fiancee. ‘But he is moving in to her house,’ Simon argued. ‘And guess who bought her that?’

‘I know we did,’ Fiona responded, ‘but it is so unromantic. Emily is 38, she has never found anyone till now and a prenup could kill this relationship stone-dead. We need to get her married and not think about money!’

As much as Simon fumed, Fiona was insistent Emily marry her beloved. However, three years and one child later, Emily’s husband ran off with his colleague. He then claimed that he needed equal housing as they shared care of the child. Half of the house was lost to him.

Simon never stops reminding Fiona that if she had listened to him, the situation could have been covered by a prenup and the whole of the home could have been ring-fenced as non-matrimonial – in other words, not part of the settlement and kept in full by Emily.

I’m often asked whether prenups are binding in the UK and they are certainly more likely to be after a landmark legal case, Radmacher v Granatino in 2010.

Ms Radmacher was a German heiress who married Mr Granatino, a French banker. They married in London after signing a pre-nuptial agreement in Germany but divorced eight years later.

That case brought in a framework to allow prenups to be enforced, indicating that parties should be free to enter into agreements about how they wanted their future finances to be dealt with in a subsequent divorce.

The criteria is to ensure fairness, consent and that legal advice has been given. The case stated for the first time that prenups should generally be upheld, unless doing so would be unfair or prejudicing the interests of children. The case did not say that all prenups would be binding, but that they should be given significant weight provided certain criteria are met.

Put simply, prenups are one factor among many taken into account when it is decided how a divorce case should pan out financially.

In some circumstances, the facts of the case are so clear cut that they will be absolutely binding. Take Theo, who was from a dynastic family famous for making French cheeses.

Vanessa Lloyd Platt is a matrimonial and divorce lawyer. She says many young people now feel it's sensible to get a prenup as they are marrying later in life, so have assets to protect

Vanessa Lloyd Platt is a matrimonial and divorce lawyer. She says many young people now feel it’s sensible to get a prenup as they are marrying later in life, so have assets to protect

The family wished to preserve their wealth so it might be passed down through the generations. When Theo announced to his parents that he had asked Natalie to marry him, they immediately took him to a lawyer, insisting he would have to broach the subject of a prenup with her.

Theo was anxious about raising the subject of a prenup with Natalie. When he did she felt hurt that his family did not trust her, but finally agreed to one.

When Natalie had an affair after 15 years of marriage, Theo filed for divorce. He argued their prenup was fully binding but Natalie wanted the terms of the prenup to be altered so that in addition to what had been previously agreed, she would get some shares in the business.

The court upheld the prenup as fair because Natalie had entered it with full knowledge and legal advice. There had been no pressure on her as she had months to consider the terms with her lawyers and Natalie was entitled to no more.

So who should get a prenup? Many young people now feel it’s sensible to get one as they are marrying later in life (average age 33 years for women, 35 years for men) when they have already built up their own assets, such as share portfolios and property which they would wish to protect.

The usual structure of a prenup in these cases is simply to protect what they have brought into the marriage and to be able to ring-fence it or take it with them if they divorce.

So the prenup distinguishes between non-matrimonial pre-acquired assets and their growth, and matrimonial assets that the parties have brought together during the marriage which are shared. It’s important for parents to bear in mind that a prenup must be signed at least 21 to 28 days before the wedding so the parties have an opportunity to consider the terms carefully. 

I knew Jake’s parents wanted him to get a prenup before his wedding to Mia. They neither liked Mia nor thought her good enough for Jake. He was their beloved only son, who often left things to the last moment. He was not keen to mention the subject to Mia so left it until two weeks before the wedding. As the families enjoyed a final wedding food-tasting, Jake whipped out a prenup that he’d drawn up with a lawyer and presented it to Mia.

She was hysterical, but Jake told her that if she did not sign it, the wedding was off.

Mia was distraught that her parents had already paid for the wedding and so reluctantly signed. Eleven years and three children later, the marriage came to an end.

Jake’s lawyers argued that Mia had signed the prenup, but the court rejected this as she had not had sufficient time to consider it, the contents or its implications.

The agreement that Jake had drawn up was such that he would keep all the assets and Mia would get nothing. The court considered it was manifestly unfair, and Mia ended up with a very good settlement. Jake’s parents still aren’t speaking to him.

To any parents weighing up the benefits of a prenup I would say: consider it carefully. A prenup can be a romance killer but it can also be a practical and sensible tool.

The cost can vary depending on the assets and complications that need to be covered within the agreement. Some are straightforward and can cost between £3,000 and £5,000. Some, which may require multiple meetings with lawyers and accountants, can cost anything up to £50,000.

And those who enter into a second, third or fourth marriage will want to protect their assets for their adult children.

Or adult children will want to protect their parents’ assets from potential ‘gold-diggers’, as was the case with Joanna and Andrew.

The brother and sister were concerned that their 78-year-old widowed father Stuart was going to remarry. They dragged him to a solicitor, insisting he draw up a watertight prenup. Stuart was of sound mind and the prenup was very clear in its intent that all assets he had would be regarded as non-matrimonial or outside the marriage. All assets his new wife had were also non-matrimonial.

Although the couple would live in Stuart’s house, she did not have any claim to it, and in the event of his death she could live there for one year, after which it would revert to his children.

* Names have been changed to protect client identity.

Yes, it’s sensitive. But here’s how you CAN have that chat 

By Vicky Reynal, the Mail’s Money Psychotherapist 

Bringing up a prenup is a delicate matter, as parents might be perceived by their child as being intrusive, judgmental or even just unromantic.

Speak to your child privately as it allows them to hear you without the added pressure of their partner’s reaction (which, if negative, might leave your child compelled to side with their partner even if they in part agree with your view).

Start by acknowledging it’s a sensitive topic and that you wanted to bring it up because you care about them and their future with this partner.

Emphasise that there are misconceptions about prenups, but they can be a practical way for a couple to have clarity and emotional protection, rather than a symbol of mistrust.

Much like an insurance policy, one doesn’t sign up to it expecting a holiday to be cancelled or a house to burn down, but prenups are there to protect the couple if the relationship takes an unexpected turn. Encourage your child to think of it as an opportunity to deepen their relationship with their future spouse.

Vicky Reynal says it's important to remind the couple that a prenup isn’t planning for failure

Vicky Reynal says it’s important to remind the couple that a prenup isn’t planning for failure

Couples often argue about money, but a prenup gives them an opportunity to talk about money, values and expectations from the outset. Far from killing romance, these conversations can reveal unspoken assumptions before they become issues and can strengthen the relationship.

Reassure them that you suggesting a prenup isn’t a sign that you distrust their partner – and it’s not about protecting ‘the family money’ in a hostile way.

It’s about ensuring both parties are entering the marriage with clarity, and reducing the emotional fallout if things don’t go to plan. In fact, prenups can reassure the party who has lesser resources that they will have financial security regardless of what happens.

If your child pushes back, try to understand what’s behind the discomfort. Are they worried about offending their partner? Or does it feel unromantic to raise the subject of money at all?

Or are they afraid that the financial guarantees outlined in a prenup put a price tag on the marriage ending?

These are valid concerns, but they can be gently unpacked.

Encourage them to explore the conversation as a couple, ideally with the help of a neutral third party such as a therapist or lawyer.

And remind them that a prenup isn’t planning for failure, but planning to strengthen the future they are building together.

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