Well, 2017 was certainly interesting thanks to Donald Trump.
The US-Aussie relationship has been a little rocky this year, but that’s not extraordinary because Mr Trump has managed to upset every nation on the planet … except Russia.
What better way to summarise Mr Trump’s 2017 reign in the White House and his relationship with Australia than to do it fake news-Twitter style.
Before you begin reading please imagine @RealDonaldTrump in his fluffy white, 9 carat gold-lined dressing gown sitting on his bed (or toilet) in the White House tapping away on his smartphone while FOX News is on multiple TVs and a bar fridge full of Diet Coke is a reach away.
Please note: Mr Trump DID NOT write (most) of the below tweets even though it appears he did because exclamation marks, capitalised letters and spelling mistakes are prominent.
The below tweets are a mix of alternative facts, covfefe and FAKE NEWS!!!
But the timeline of US/Australia events is fairly accurate.
Let the faux tweets begin …
JAN 20: Just got back from the inauguration. It was the greatest inauguration EVER! They said the crowds were the GREATEST, BIGGEST, HAPPIEST in the history of inaugurations. I wish Melania smiled more. #MAGA
JAN 23: I hearby declare the disastrous TPP is DEAD!! Killed it with the stroke of my pen. I will not let the US worker be prayed upon by a free trade pact with Australia, New Zealand, Mexico, Peru, Brunei … WHAT! Brunei? That’s not even a country. FAKE NEWS!!
JAN 28: Reince just told me I have to speak to Aussie PM Malcolm Trumble in a few minutes. I’ve already had a long day. I talked to Vladimir. I put up with Theresa. Macaroni from France. Now Australia? Can I speak to Greg Norman instead?
JAN 28: YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE IT! Just hung up on Trumble. He wants me to take in Muslim refugees he won’t even let into Australia!! He has them locked up on prison islands.Told him we WON’T accept the next BOSTON BOMBERS!! #MAGA
FEB 1: Do you believe it? The Obama Administration agreed to take thousands of illegal immigrants from Australia. Why? I will study this dumb deal!
FEB 2 2pm: Geez! Everybody is hounding me about being mean to Trumble. Johnny McCain, Paully Ryan and Mr One Per Cent Lindsey Graham are upset. So, Australia is a valued ally hey? Maybe I should talk to Greg Norman. Reince, get The Shark on phone!!!
FEB 2 4pm: OK. Did you see it? I just said publicly I love Australia and will respect that Boston Bomber deal!! People say they have never seen a president speak so politely about Australia. #MAGA
FEB 2 6pm: Just saw Joe Hockey run into the White House for more damage control. Didn’t he hear? I love Australia more than anyone else in the history of mankind. Ask Greg Norman.
FEB 3 3:34am: Thank you to Prime Minister of Australia for telling the truth about our very civil conversation that FAKE NEWS media lied about. Very nice!
APRIL 23: Exellent job VP Pence. Did you see him in Australia? He met a kangaroo and koala. A lot of people tell me he is the greatest vice president the world has ever seen..
MAY 4 2pm: YES!!! The House of Reps just voted to repeal the imploding Obamacare. The Senate will do the same soon!! Let’s party in the Rose Garden. Invite all of the House of Reps.
MAY 4 2.01pm: What!!! Reince said I have to cut the party short and go up to New York to meet Aussie Trumble on an aircraft carrier.
MAY 4 7pm: Made it to NYC a little late. Just had a chat to Trumble. He didn’t bring up the Boston Bomber refugees thankfully.
MAY 4 11pm: WOW!! Just got back from the Aussie dinner comemerating the 75th anniversary of the Battle of the Coral Sea. Did you know the US and Australia have fought alongside each other in every war since WW1. Nobody knew that before.
NOV 14: I’m in Manila, Fillipines. I WANNA GO HOME!! Every day a different akronym – ASEAN, APEC … blah blah blah. I’ve been in Asia longer than any world leader in history – including Xi Jinping. The Diet Coke tastes different. They say I have to speak to Trumble.
NOV 14: Ha! Instead of getting stuck in a one-on-one chat with Trumble I managed to invite my Japanese bro Abe to join us for a three-way. No, not that type of three way.
DEC 25: I just told Melania if Bob Mueller knocks on the White House front door to turn all of the lights out and HIDE!!!! #MAGA
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