A very sensible ‘smart’ toilet that will also make you giggle

In the not-too-distant future, your toilet may start talking to you… and you’ll talk back, saying exciting things like: ‘Alexa, order more toilet paper.’

Obviously, you’ll still have to wait until next morning for it to arrive, but we’re only taking our first steps towards the future of the loo.

Earlier this year, ‘smart toilets’ made headlines, with companies showing off models armed with Alexa voice-control, seat-warming, surround-sound Bluetooth speakers, and even (for some reason) firework-esque light shows.

Grohe’s Sensia Arena is among the more sensible – and is one of the first ‘smart’ app-controlled toilets to arrive in the UK.

As you approach it, the Sensia Arena detects your presence and lights up (discreetly). The lid rises in a ghostly fashion. There’s a controller for both bidet-style hygiene sprays and a dryer that aims a jet of hot air towards your posterior. You can also use an app to set the toilet to various levels, from a gentle spray to a geyser-like blast, and store presets for everyone in the family.

When your ablutions are complete, the toilet flushes itself and whirrs closed on its own.

There’s a controller for both bidet-style hygiene sprays and a dryer that aims a jet of hot air towards your posterior

The ridiculous price tag seems more reasonable when you consider how much a builder will charge you to tile a few square feet of bathroom.

I could understand why you’d want one of these. For me, I also found it difficult to stop giggling as the cyber-toilet hummed into life. This may, of course, be something to do with the fact that it’s very, very tickly.