The Queen’s first transatlantic ‘special relationship’ was when, as a 25-year-old princess, she met President Harry S Truman in 1951.
In the 71 years since then she forged cordial relations with no fewer than 13 US Presidents – going horse riding with Ronald Reagan, and sending Dwight Eisenhower her recipe for drop scones.
When Michelle Obama felt moved, against protocol, to put an arm around the Queen’s shoulder, she wrote that the Monarch, unoffended ‘pulled closer, resting a gloved hand lightly on the small of my back.’
Even Donald Trump’s own breach of protocol – walking ahead of the Queen – didn’t ruffle her in the slightest.
If she was ever offended, or annoyed, she most certainly never showed it.
But surely the most difficult, the most testing, of all her transatlantic dealings were the last, troubled years with Prince Harry and his wife Meghan – who, as of 2020, have set up a home in a $14.65 million mansion in Montecito, California, thousands of miles away from the royal family.
A lesser stateswoman, a lesser person, might have taken offence at their extraordinary interview with Oprah, given that her husband was gravely ill in hospital and a few weeks from death at the time – but not the Queen.
During her 70-year reign, the Queen forged cordial relations with no fewer than 13 US Presidents, however it was her relationship with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle that would turn out to be her toughest transatlantic tussle
At first, it seemed as though Meghan, now 41, might enjoy the same cordial relationship with Her Majesty as Prince Harry – who was known to share a wicked sense of humor with the Queen. They are seen together left in 2005, while Meghan is pictured right with the Monarch in 2018
Instead she formulated the devastatingly fair rejoinder, ‘recollections may vary’, after an unnamed family member was sensationally accused of being racist, while it was alleged others had deprived Meghan of her voice, of making her cry, and of failing to help her when she was suicidal.
Even as her health faded this summer, and in the shadow of Prince Harry’s forthcoming memoir, Her Majesty reportedly extended an invitation to the couple to visit her in Balmoral. It was not taken up.
At the Platinum Jubilee in June she appeared to be determined not to allow the fractious relations between Prince Harry and his brother Prince William to play any part, receiving Harry at Windsor and meeting for the first time her great-granddaughter – and namesake – Lilibet.
However it later emerged that tensions had arisen between the Sussexes and the rest of the royal family ahead of their May 2018 wedding, when Harry is reported to have had an unedifying squabble with Angela Kelly, the Queen’s dresser and close confidante, over which tiara was to be offered to his bride
She is also thought to have been the one who decided that at the Duke of Edinburgh’s funeral in 2021, the men should wear lounge suits rather than military uniforms, in order not to wound Harry, who would otherwise have been the only senior royal not in uniform, having been stripped of his military titles following his exit from the royal family.
A woman of deep Christian faith, she endured numerous public slights without ever being roused to anger.
The Sussexes famously once sniped, ‘We can all live a life of service… service is universal,’ after the decision was taken to remove their royal patronages. There could hardly have been a more direct insult to the Queen’s lifetime of duty – and yet she made no response. Silence and kindness were her way.
Initially, the omens for Her Majesty’s relationship with Harry and Meghan were promising. It appeared that the Queen was welcoming Meghan into the family warmly.
A few weeks after their wedding, Meghan joined the Queen for an engagement in Cheshire. They spent the night on the royal train together beforehand.
It was clear that they got on – both were animated and laughing all day.
It had been a full year after Prince William’s wedding before the Queen did her first engagement with a solo Kate Middleton, but then Meghan was different – older, and certainly more confident that Kate.
As a successful actress, she conducted herself with aplomb at all times.
It later emerged, though, that there had been tensions behind the scenes before that point.
Prince Harry was said to have had an unedifying squabble with Angela Kelly, the Queen’s dresser and close confidante, over which tiara was to be offered to his bride before their 2018 wedding.
Her Majesty’s delight upon the arrival of baby Archie in May 2019 was plain, as was her warmth towards Meghan’s mother Doria, present at that photo call in Windsor
A lesser stateswoman, a lesser person, might have taken offence at the Sussexes’ extraordinary interview with Oprah in March 2021, given that her husband was gravely ill in hospital and a few weeks from death at the time – but not the Queen
The Queen (seen left with Harry in 2013) is thought to have been the one who decided that at the Duke of Edinburgh’s funeral in 2021, the men should wear lounge suits rather than military uniforms, in order not to wound Harry
In an interview, Finding Freedom author – and Harry and Meghan’s unofficial media mouthpiece – Omid Scobie claimed that Harry had called his grandmother and said: ‘I don’t know what the hell is going on. This woman needs to make this work for my future wife.’
Sources close to Harry claimed that this was not true, and denied that Harry had raised his voice, although Scobie remains the Sussexes’ number one media cheerleader.
For her part, the Queen was said to have coolly told Harry: ‘She gets what she is given.’
History may judge that the Queen struggled to understand Meghan, who wanted to represent a new generation and to work in new ways, espousing causes that mattered to her.
Her Majesty was probably unfitted to that task, both by inclination and upbringing. While Meghan carries out her good works via the public exercise of empathy, the Queen’s approach is entirely opposite.
It’s often said that the Queen ‘adored’ Harry – and no doubt she did. They are pictured together in 2003
Her delight upon the arrival of baby Archie in May 2019 was plain, though, as was her warmth towards Meghan’s mother Doria, present at that photo call in Windsor.
It was reported that the Queen offered the title of the Earl of Dumbarton for the baby, but that it was turned down by the Sussexes on the grounds that it might lead to him being bullied. The inclusion of the word ‘dumb’ in it apparently sat poorly with them both.
In a statement at the time the couple said that he would not have a courtesy title and would be known simply as Archie Mountbatten-Windsor.
This was later weaponized when Meghan told Oprah: ‘They didn’t want him to be a prince…’ which would be different from protocol, and that he wasn’t going to receive security.
She added: ‘We have in tandem the conversation of, “He won’t be given security. He’s not going to be given a title.” And also concerns and conversations about how dark his skin might be when he’s born.’
The Queen could have pointed out that only the oldest children of the Prince of Wales are princes and princesses – which is the case. Archie would never have been a prince.
But the misapprehension was allowed – generously – to stand, and the Queen absorbed the flack.
Why? It’s often said that the Queen ‘adored’ Harry – and no doubt she did. That said, her favorite grandson is reliably said to be Princess Anne’s son Peter Phillips – a rugby-, dog- and horse-loving young man, who is very straightforward where Harry is complex, and easy-going where Harry is angry.
He, of course, hasn’t emerged like Harry through the terrible trauma of his mother’s early death, and dealings with Harry always seem to have been conducted through the prism of guilt over the family’s failings during this period.
At the Platinum Jubilee in June the Queen appeared to be determined not to allow the fractious relations between Harry and his brother William to play any part, receiving Harry at Windsor and meeting for the first time her great-granddaughter – and namesake – Lilibet
It had been suggested that the Queen’s passing might help to mend the rift between Harry and the rest of his family, however early signs indicate that this may never happen; the Duke traveled alone to Balmoral Castle on Thursday – and arrived in Scotland 15 minutes after the news of Her Majesty’s passing was announced. He departed just 12 hours later
Prince Harry was beyond a doubt traumatized by being asked to walk behind his mother’s coffin. The Queen’s husband, Prince Phillip, offered to walk too in order to bolster the boys, but history may judge that it was the wrong decision.
Could it be that the Queen recognized the part that the royal family played in damaging Harry, and sought to heal those wounds; to be wrong but right? We will never know for sure.
And what of Megxit? Faced with the reality of her grandson determined to forge a new life outside the family, free to earn his own money, how well did the Queen play her cards?
She met him personally, quietly, before the Sandringham summit and what came out was a compromise which would delight the finest diplomat. Harry got his freedom, and she insisted that he couldn’t use the word Royal, and had to give up his patronages. He was, she insisted a ‘much loved’ member of the family and always would be. Now that she has gone, though, the family may dread all the more what will follow.
It had been suggested, even hoped perhaps, by several royal insiders that the Queen’s passing might help to mend the rift between Harry and the rest of his family, however early signs indicate that this may never happen.
The Duke of Sussex traveled alone to Balmoral Castle on Thursday – and arrived in Scotland 15 minutes after the news of Her Majesty’s passing was announced to the world. It is understood he was still in the air and by himself when the announcement was made.
His grief over the news was etched across his face when he stepped off his Cessna plane and into a waiting car.
However, on Friday morning, he also became the first member of the family to leave Scotland, having departed his late grandmother’s beloved summer retreat approximately 12 hours after he arrived in order to return to London, where he is expected to reunite with his wife Meghan – who made an eleventh-hour decision not to join her husband on the trip to Balmoral.
The question that now lingers in the wake of the Queen’s death is whether the door will be forever shut to Harry and Meghan – having been propped open by Her Majesty for so long, even in the final weeks of her life.
It remains unclear whether the members of King Charles III’s so-called ‘slimmed-down’ Monarchy – which includes Harry’s brother Prince William, his wife Kate Middleton, and the Queen’s long-time confidante Sophie Wessex – and will have the same unwavering patience.
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